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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think this child is too old to be exposing himself?

999 replies

JenniBoo · 05/08/2013 15:08

Bit of a back story... was delighted when a young family bought the house next door. After the previous elderly couple (who would complain about noise and balls going over the wall etc.,) I thought another young family would be a breath of fresh air and that their boys (8, 5 and 3) would play with my daughters (3yrs and 3 mths).

The first hint that they were not our sort of people became apparent almost immediately. They are both heavy smokers - they must smoke at least a pack a day - but instead of doing it in their house, they (and their friends) congregate on the porch- the smell wafts across into our garden and through the kitchen window. One day it was so bad, you could smell it in my baby's bedroom on the floor above! I asked them politely if they would mind smoking indoors or at the end of their garden - but they were completely unapologetic and said they couldn't do that because in the house if might affect THEIR children - and that at the end of the garden, they would get wet!

She seems to let her kids run wild - she is never in the garden with them, and the noise is something else. The other day I had to complain because they were throwing stones at each other - one flew across into our garden narrowly missing my baby, who was sleeping in the pram. I went across to complain but the mother couldn't have cared less. She lined them up and made them apologize, but she was all "boys will be boys" and you could tell she wasn't really sorry.

Today has been the final straw though. I came out to find both the younger boys exposing themselves to my older daughter. They had climbed onto their trampoline and were waving them at her. The older boy was there too, but was just laughing. I went round to the mother and told her. . The other mother told me I was "being stupid" and that "they are just little boys" and that I should "get over myself".

I don't think a 5 year old should be getting his willy out in public. Surely if he did that in the class at school he would be in huge trouble? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
2468BONJOVI · 05/08/2013 17:06

I am not suggesting that they are abnormally nasty. I just don't like children like that. I didn't like them when I was at school with them and they dominated the playground. I don't like them now, and am lucky I don't have to live next door to them. and I am sorry for the op who does.

I know it is a really unfair rule but sometimes it is funny to imagine an adult doing what children are doing in any particular context and it is OUTRAGEOUS. I mean I am not suggesting it is a reasonable yardstick to judge their behaviour - I know they are small, and that is what makes it different. But it clarifies how they rub me up the wrong way, and helps me make peace with it. (as I said before, I would never be horrible to children like this who I think are shits, but I am at peace with not wanting stones thrown into my garden, or having willies, however small, waved at me)
when I was at school nasty little boys barged about making horrible noises, pushing us over, pulling up our skirts, shrieking "GERROFF THE PITCH!" when a girl tried to occupy more than a tiny part of the playground. I thought they were nasty little shits and they sound like that too.

Maryz · 05/08/2013 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crunchbag · 05/08/2013 17:15

I will join the chorus of YABU

You seriously went next door to complain about a 3 and a 5 year old waving their willies Shock If you were my ndn I would have thought you were joking.

ReginaPhilangie · 05/08/2013 17:17

Be thankful it's just ordinary ciggies they're smoking! Around everyone seems to be massive potheads, the whole area stinks of cannabis, including my house unfortunately. There's nothing I can do about it.

SillyBillly · 05/08/2013 17:19

I dont see too much to worry about the children are all young, highly unlikely to be a sexual issue. As other posters have said they are in their own garden and other than the stone coming over nothing terrible is happening,Its unfortunate the smoke blew in your direction on that day but it is unreasonable to ask someone to smoke in specific places in or on their own property. It seems you got your wish with the neighbours and you have turn into the previous neighbours you disliked so much. Be careful what you wish for.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 05/08/2013 17:20

My boys are 5 and 2 and find waving their willies while running about in the garden to be the most hilarious thing ever.

Which it pretty much is Grin

You need to get over yourself.

Original poster
JenniBoo · 05/08/2013 17:24

Haven't read all the new replies, but I am confused by the stance here.

Their garden is not a private space - it is not only over-looked, but there were purposefully positioning themselves in full of my daughter and screaming at her to get her attention. If they wanted to play with their willies in the privacy of their own bedroom then that would be up to them - but waggling them at other people, even if you are standing in your own garden is not on.

Right -will carry on reading now...

OP posts:
JackieTheFart · 05/08/2013 17:27

YABU. And hysterical.

Willy waving is totally normal, smoking is not especially nice but they are on their own property. The stone thing isn't great but children play and do silly things, the mother made the children apologise and they probably won't do it again.

I don't supervise my own 4 and a half year olds when they are running around outside in my own yard - why would I?

Just chill out.

JackieTheFart · 05/08/2013 17:29

Small children do this JenniBoo! Seriously you need to get a grip on reality here - he is a FIVE YEAR OLD, willies and bums and boobies and fat bellies are the absolute height of hilarity.

And you are totally wrong - their garden is a private space.

It would be wrong if, say, your husband was exposing himself to the neighbour from your garden but these are small children.

SillyBillly · 05/08/2013 17:30

Their garden is thier private space, If they offend you then a taller fence or hedge would solve the issue.

doublechocchip · 05/08/2013 17:30

Im surprised with how many Yabu's you've got. I don't think you are at all, if I caught 4 year old ds shouting and deliberately showing his willy at a neighbour I'd tell him off! One thing running merrily in and out of a paddling pool naked but its the deliberate shouting and showing I'd have a major problem with, it's just rude! Why wouldn't you just nip that behaviour in the bud?

JackieTheFart · 05/08/2013 17:31

And farts. Let's not forget farts.

I hate it when people generalise about children - but seriously, I expect you have no boys OP? If your baby is a boy, you will be humbly eating your words when he gets a bit older lol!

livinginwonderland · 05/08/2013 17:31

Their garden IS their private space. You might not like what they do there, but it's their property, not yours. It's not illegal for a 3 and a 5 year old to jump naked on a trampoline. Or for anyone to be naked in their garden, for that matter.

I repeat, they're 3 and 5. If they were 12 and 14, you'd have a point, but they're little kids. Get a grip.

OrlaNuttin · 05/08/2013 17:32

Okay, the smoking would drive me nuts. It smells and is disgusting, and most of all, I'd have the rage that there's nothing I could do about it.

The stones, yes, not on and they were made to apologise, so...sorted.

Willy waggling, absolutely normal. A 5 and 3 year old screeching at a girl to get a reaction because they think willy waggling is funny - also normal. Should the Mum tell them not to do it, prob yes, but imho, in a low-key, 'your penis is private, not to get out in public' sort of way. Can they be naked in their own garden, of course, and for several years longer I would hope.

Will that stop a 5 year old playing with his willy. Heck no! They will become aware of social niceties (with some help) as they grow older. If their Mum were to yell at them, and make it into a huge issue, then personally, I'd have more of a problem.

I think you need to relax, and just be on nodding terms. Less of the going round.

JackieTheFart · 05/08/2013 17:33

Just saw they are both girls.

doublechocchip yes I would tell my boys to stop it if I saw them, but I wouldn't tell them off after the fact if my neighbour was complaining about it. I would probably say I'd speak to them about it and would tell them not to do it.

maja00 · 05/08/2013 17:34

doublechip - no one has suggested they shouldn't be told off or that they weren't being rude and silly. Most people have pointed out that the OP is overreacting to lots of the neighbours' behaviour and the mum has probably had enough of her now.

insanityscratching · 05/08/2013 17:34

OP you will drive yourself mad because you will notice every misdemeanor. their parents won't take your complaints seriously because you have already appeared precious and stuck up and the boys will wind you up because they know they can and their parents won't be cross.
Waving willys isn't a big deal when you are five chances are your dd will return the favour when a little bit older and unsupervised too.
You need to get over yourself and start building bridges rather than raising fences IMO.

Original poster
JenniBoo · 05/08/2013 17:37

Yes BonJovi thank you - that is my feeling entirely - but you have expressed it so much better. My concern is not about their nakedness, or their interest in the genitals, but that they are using them to harrass my daughter - and that is not OK.

OP posts:
Heartbrokenmum73 · 05/08/2013 17:40

I'm more concerned about the highly strung parents on this thread who would come down on their small children for waving their willies about tbh.

I have a girl and two boys. They've all done the naked thing at different points in their lives, especially in our back garden. Older DS (now 8) went through a willy-waving phase aged about 5-6. Big deal. I shrugged it off, he grew out of it.

Do those of you who have a problem with it have issues with sexuality and body parts because it comes across that you're making child's play into sexual behaviour, which it clearly isn't. You will give your kids serious hangups if you behave like this, as will the OP with her DDs.

Bowlersarm · 05/08/2013 17:41

You are going to have to either grow a thick skin, or that enormous bush.

My boys loved waving their willies around. They are teens now and don't anymore. But you have a few more years of this yet.

Or you could do a permanent rain dance and hope they spend the next few years indoors.

Oblomov · 05/08/2013 17:41

Not a private place? God save Me. Hmm

GET A BIGGER FENCE.

How high is your current fence, OP? Please go and measure, NOW, and report back, ASAP.
I am fascinated.

Oh and while your at it, do please give details, of the nature of this fence. What material etc.

These 2 boys, exposed themselves to your daughter. How is that PHYSICALLY possible. I can not comprehend. It is BEYOND me.
Please do tell.

Turniptwirl · 05/08/2013 17:43

There is a difference between being naked in the garden and trying to get a reaction from dd and you by waving their willies!

Yabu about the smoking since it is their property, although undo sympathise. Yanbu to not want them flashing at your dd.

Heartbrokenmum73 · 05/08/2013 17:43

FGS OP, they are not 'harrassing' your daughter! They are small kids, being silly, and probably thought she'd find it funny. She's 3, she has no idea that willies are 'rude' (as you seem to find them) and this is NOT sexual behaviour.

Grow up. You are uptight beyond belief and you are going to pass on this attitude to your DDs. Not good.

Oblomov · 05/08/2013 17:43

I think Op is either goading us all, or a TROLL, because she has so far, refused to respond to ANY of the reasonable suggestions put forward.

She seems somewhat detached and unable to read most responses.

SillyBillly · 05/08/2013 17:44

It seems your not cut out for neighbours, Id suggest retreating to the country but I think youll find the willies are much bigger out there. " Bulls Horses etc just for clarity.

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