to think that a lot (but not all) "Gentle Parenting" FB pages are full of sneery nobbers?

[Fourwillies]

Inspired by a post by MrsDeVere, and the fact that I have just removed myself from FOUR of these pages, I'm reaching the conclusion that despite the high ideals, there are a lot of judgemental sneery fuckers on these pages, clueless about anything beyond their own nose.

[and relax]

My 18 year old ds has full on meltdowns but he's severely autistic. At 4 though, the casual observer might have just thought he was badly brought up and I was lax.

My style was more of a kind of 'oh shit what do I do now' approach though.

When I read stuff like this I think about Maggie Gyllenhaal in Away We Go. I can't find a link where she talks about buggys and how she "looooves her child so would never puuush him away" but this is the trailer which has it in.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=ifCIkJgUDh0

I co slept with both mine and stayed with them till they fell asleep. DS1 slept with me till he was six and DS2 is in bed with us at 8 months. In my case this is less gentle parenting and more totally lazy arse parenting

I also like to get in bed for a cheeky nap in the afternoon too!

I'm in a quite nice natural parenting Facebook group. I'm fairly natural parenting lite myself, use disposables, stopped breast feeding at a year old, co sleep occasionally but only because I'm lazy and it's the path of least resistance, didnt baby wear, pro vaccination, think homeopathy is quackery, etc etc. I've found the group I'm on ok actually, never seen any judgement for not being an extreme natural parent, and I've had some good advice on different discipline techniques etc.

It all depends on the group, I think some natural/gentle parenting techniques are really beneficial, like anything you just need to sort the wheat from the chaff.

push her child away that actually made me laugh,

Must today seen a post in the "natural parenting" page I am a member of. (I realized very early it was not for me, but to be honest I have kept it fur the amusement value and to try to balance the advice every now and then so a "cry-it-outer" isn't left feeling like a total shit by rest of the "mummies" on there. (and no, Dads aren't allowed )

Anyway, today somebody posted that their 12 month old had had a severe peanut allergy reaction and been rushed off in an ambulance. Someone actually advised the next thing they should do is visit a homeopath - apparently one cured a "friend of a friend" of a life long egg allergy, that conventional medicine had been unable to help.

*just today. Not must today.

I like what you say kungfupanda and I agree with you. Lots of the attributes of gentle/attachment/whatever parenting are great. Who wouldn't want to be gentle and attached to their kids? Co sleeping is lovely. Breastfeeding is great. Slings are very practical and snugly. But calling it some kind of movement or philosophy and labelling yourself a 'cloth bumming mama' like it's relevant, or interesting, or part of your identity - get a life!

Is your friend the person who commented on that hatting link with the lotus birth? If so I apologise for being sneery. She's a FOAF and I have been shown her Facebook page with a wtf face at some of her views but I'm sure she is lovely.

The actress Mayim Bialik (Amy in TBBT) writes a big about this iirc. Her and her husband (they gave just parted) sleep on mattresses on the floor with the children ands do that thing where you don't put nappies on the children (I can't remember what it's called).

think it is called elective communication coco TBF she is a neuro scientist and I think she does a lot of work in child development but is a bit ott with it,

Ehric - we may be talking about different people. I thought you meant tbe sole commenter on the facebook link. If so, I dont know if she had a lotus birth.She did have an unassisted birth, so possibly. I met her a few months later.

She is very kind and gentle, so maybe she just doesnt come across well on Facebook!

TSC - if I'd seen you yelling in soft play I'd have thought 'ooh, a kindred spirit' and tried to be your friend!

Maybe they're just the ones doing it properly!

What is properly? Is there such a thing as a proper way to parent? beyond loving and caring for and protecting the child everything is is down to what is works for that family isn't it?

To try to label something as being the proper way to parent then suggests that anyone who deviates from that is doing it the wrong way.

My twins were parented differently. I could explain things to dd but there was little point explaining things to ds in the same way as he wouldn't understand and when in meltdown it was pointless anyway.

I tried.

Yes that is her. Iirc you live in the area I grew up in(not a stalker, I remember the refusing to reverse lady threads!) and I was at school with her though she is younger and I didn't know her. She is friends with my SIL and some of their circle. I know she is a nice person, but she is certainly extreme in her views. Though there is something to be respected in living them whole heartedly the way she does.

Thanks Mrsjay. She is a neuroscientist and a Holistic Mama. Apparently.

so do self named AP, Gentle, Natural, UP etc parents think that everyone else doesn't do some of this stuff? are we all formula feeding, shouty, smacky parents who only love our kids when it suits us?

i extended bf, co slept and had a baby who hated to be put down - didn't realise i was being trendy - just tried to survive best i could.

it's ELIMINATION COMMUNICATION
as in eliminating waste from the body [shudder]

I would like to hear some input from adults who have been parented in this way. I can't imagine the pressure I would feel if I knew my mum had devoted every single second of her life to me. I wouldn't want her to sacrifice herself entirely for me. She has her own job, husband, friends, hobbies etc. I am very close to her (I see her almost every day) but she can't remember which of me and my siblings she breast fed or for how long. We were shouted at when we were naughty and even smacked, although very rarely. We went to bed on our own from about two weeks according to my dad(although he has been known to exaggerate just a touch). I'm not mentally scarred by this but in fact have a much closer relationship with my parents than anyone I know!

I would also like to hear about parents who prescribe to this who have adult children. How do they feel when their children leave home?

Being a mother is just a part of my life. If it wasn't I would find it very hard to let go now DS is nearly 17.

holistic mamma just [ut me right off my breakfast

By "doing it properly" I mean doing whatever "school" of parenting they have chosen to practice, properly.

Not doing the whole parenting malarkey properly!

But I've come across people who say they do UP, but seem to have interpreted it as "letting the child do exactly what they like at all times and sod everyone else who crosses their path", which is not, on my understanding, remotely what the UP book is talking about. On the other hand, I know someone who does UP and everything she does with her children seems normal and natural and effective, and her children are lovely, well-behaved little girls.

I don't think you can get "making it up as you go along" type parenting particularly wrong. But if you choose to follow a quite prescriptive, restrictive technique, you certainly can do it properly or get it hugely wrong!

I don't suppose anyone would quibble if these Gentle Mums confined themselves to their own special groups and facebook pages. But they don't. They will be the ones holding your child's nursery group up because their mother will insist on special treatment for her special child, their child will bash yours repeatedly over the head at softplay and still be allowed to continue playing until you have to take yours home in tears, and if you are ever fool enough to invite them round for a playdate it will take you an hour to shift them afterwards while your dinner sits waiting on the table stone cold.

Gentle parenting. Not quite sure what that is. Presumably letting a child run riot and create total havoc while you stand by and wring your hands. Or something similar.

Very funny thread :o I didn't realise the perils of hatting before now!

I am very much of the 'love your child and do your best' school of thought. Disciplining children is crucial and it is so unfair that the child pays the price / gets the blame socially when parents have failed to discipline. We have lovely friends who we won't invite to stay again after a nightmare visit with their DC. DC1 was a nightmare - constant whingeing and tantrums with no discipline or consequences ever.