to think that a lot (but not all) "Gentle Parenting" FB pages are full of sneery nobbers?

[Fourwillies]

Inspired by a post by MrsDeVere, and the fact that I have just removed myself from FOUR of these pages, I'm reaching the conclusion that despite the high ideals, there are a lot of judgemental sneery fuckers on these pages, clueless about anything beyond their own nose.

[and relax]

She never hatted, but I'm convinced she used to put gel on her hair as a baby too...

The thing about the swimming is ridiculous. I quite dislike the expression 'mamma' too. I AM a member of some 'gentle' groups but find the thing that seems to divide people on them is the SAH/WOH debate. That's when I find them a bit sneery.

I've had to leave a group that claimed to be 'zen' because of all the negative stuff that was being posted. Often it's 'my way or the highway' on those pages anyway.

It pews me off because I think women with/who had one are really vulnerable to this kind of 'i must parent by the rules' quicheyness, because they haven't much faith in their own instincts at that point.

So you basically have people who need lots of reassurance being chucked into a completely supportive environment.

There is nothing gentle about that.

Bloody phone!

People who need reassurance in a completely UNsupportive environment.

Mums spends over 30 minutes asking her daughter to 'please let me put your shoes on'

My cousin did this when her dds were younger it drove me insane, please sweetheart lets put your jacket shoes clothes on mummy loves you very much. now they tell her to fuck off when she asks them anything

Who actually says Mama out loud unless you are foreign

My Ds called me Mama until he was about 5, no idea where is came from, but was very sad when it stopped. He is 17 now and does a wonderful impression of Stewie Griffiths "mum,mum,mum"
I'm far from being a "gentle parent" much more a "benign neglect" one.

Watch the film 'Away We Go' for how to deal with a batty Gentle Mamma. Hysterical.

RE Hatting- by the logic of their argument, all children born in very cold or harsh climates have poor attachment and an estrangement from their Mothers. Try being Inuit and leaving your newborns head uncovered.

I'm a 'Good Enough' parent. My children are all grown. They are happy, decent and productive. They know how to love. That is all I wanted. The rest is icing on a perfectly good enough cake.

Agreed. I use cloth nappies, BF my 20 month old, co sleep. But some of these pages bug the living fuck out of me.

I unliked one recently with a mother asking for advice, saying the doctor was bullying her into vaccinating her child. Lots of twats answering saying go with your instincts mama, don't let them bully you,bla bla. I posted about the measles outbreak in Wales then unliked the page.

More recently more shite about natural birth and giving baby the best start in life without a 'drugged' birth. So offensive.

I like this blog as an example of how 'gentle parenting' does not need to mean smug, narrow minded and judgey

rachelmariemartin.blogspot.co.uk/

sorry link
rachelmariemartin.blogspot.co.uk/

Totally agree. The local breastfeeding counsellor is into this nonsense and only the other day was having a pop at some poor woman on Facebook who said how pleased she was an expressed bottle at 10pm was making her 6 month old sleep through.

Apparently it's not right for a mother to aspire to have a child who sleeps through as it's natural for them to wake until they decide otherwise.

Yeah, right-o. I took great pleasure in heartedly congratulating the mum with the sleeping child.

I really think these 'mamas' (bleugh!) must be seriously insecure/have something missing in their lives to invest so much time in Facebook pages/blogs on something that humans have been doing mostly successfully for thousands of years. Who has the time for this crap?

I agree that terms like 'gentle' parenting are quite offensive because as someone said up thread, if you don't subscribe to their bullshit way of parenting (and crow about it on Facebook) you are an 'aggressive' parent.

What. A. Crock. Of. Shiiiiit!

I'm on a couple. Ignore most of them unless I'm in the mood. One is a private one that myself and a few local friends created and it is supportive and nonjudgemental but still along the lines of "gentle" parenting, if you like.

I think in the early days of parenting you can get caught up in it in a really misleading way. It did feel very "us and them" to me when DS was tiny and it's only since DS has got older and from mumsnet really that I've realised most people do basically the same things and there's no need to be so defensive about the whole thing and it's really not that outlandish. It probably doesn't help that 90% of the english speaking people on the web are from America where it is much more polarised in the first place. I read something online the other day where a parent had taken her son to the supermarket wearing a pink headband and a man came over, slapped it off his head and ranted for about five minutes about how he'd done her son a favour because now he wouldn't grow up to be gay. Now, whether you agree with letting boys wear "girls" clothes or not, that would just never ever happen in Britain.

I have loads of "mamma type" friends in real life and none of them would ever dream of making someone feel bad for their choices. We had a sling meet for a while and loads of people came with baby bjorns or having never used a sling in their life and were welcomed really enthusiastically, and usually went away borrowing a sling off someone they hadn't met half an hour before. I have never come across anybody sneery about it in real life, but then neither have I come across anybody who was sneery about having their baby on a strict routine or anything else that's supposed to be the opposite. If I did though I would think it was their issue, and not something to do with the way they were parenting. Anybody can take anything to an extreme and it can be weird.

Not as bad as calling yourself an 'unconditional' parent because you don't praise your children. That's just saying that everyone else doesn't love their child unconditionally. What a horrible 'trend'

What have I missed?
Are we not praising now?
Not even for doing a big poo on anywhere near the potty?

OFBS, I am sorry to nitpick, but that is a terrible example of a non-smug Mummy Blog

I love this thread

Crap.

I am foreign and "mama" (pronounced "maman") sounds so right to me. Are people going to assume I'm part of some weird tribal club?

I find with the groups most people are ok and there are a rouge 10% who wade in with these awful comments.

The BLW one I was in for a day then I had to leave. It was carnage, I only wanted to see a few recipes.

Yep if you are an 'unconditional parent' you neither praise nor punish your child, incase they do things to please you.

So instead of saying 'that's a great picture well done' you have to say 'how do you feel about painting your picture, what part of it did you enjoy' and never offer praise.

Blimey.

I do like a sling though, and a bit of blw.

I know a woman who fully subscribes to 'gentle parenting' - she very much talks about herself as a baby wearing cloth bumming breastfeeding 'mama' who has never raised her voice at her son or needed to give him a consequence.

I recently attended the birthday party of a friend's daughter to which she, and her 5yo son, were invited. Her son was playing with a group of children and there was some sort of argument about a toy - the 5yo snatched the toy from a 3yo and then proceeded to not only hit her with it but then turned around and purposefully hit my friend's 9mo baby in the face.

We all just watched on in horror as, instead of telling off her son and dishing out a suitable consequence, this 'mama' pulled him onto her lap for a cuddle - she just tried to calmly explain to him that what he had done was wrong as he repeatedly kicked, punched and scratched her. No consequence and within 5 minutes he was back playing whilst mother tried to make excuses for her son's 'feelings of frustration' and 'need to take control.'

I agree with lots of the principles of 'gentle parenting' and will probably follow many of them when my own child arrives but to follow it to the extreme where you can't ever raise your voice, dish out a consequence or ever take control of your child for fear of 'upsetting their psyche' just seems ridiculous and I dread to think what some of these children will be like as adults.

I'm with MALCOLMTUCKERSMUM I'm so glad my dc were born in the 90's and i didn't have all these different parenting styles to choose from.
and unconditional parenting wtf whats wrong with pleasing people. I thought that unconditional parenting was about loving each other not about not praising children.

And whats wrong with showing kids that your upset, they need to learn to be considerate and that there are rules. I think you should just do your best and parent in the best way you can.

"So instead of saying 'that's a great picture well done' you have to say 'how do you feel about painting your picture, what part of it did you enjoy' and never offer praise."

"You've done a poo in the toilet instead of in the bushes AGAIN how do you feel about that?"

"Mummy I like to do poos in the bushes."

If I followed this he'd be shitting in the bushes into his forties, surely?