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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my partner to be friendly with a woman who I no longer speak to?

141 replies

Oohmeback · 05/08/2013 01:17

Background, I had been friends with a woman for many years she is very rude offensive and overopiniated but for some reason she gets away with it, people tend to just say ' oh thats how she is' but the last straw was she came to my house was horribly rude, offensive disrespectful and inappropriate to me and my son while DP was there and I said enough is enough and cut her off. This was about a year ago. Fast forward to yesterday evening, he comes in from work and is getting ready to go out. I ask him where he is going he says 'to YOUR friends for a drink'. erm, after I cut her off and you know why, why would you be doing that?!?!?!? And the emphasis on 'your' like he was doing me a favour!

Apparently mine and her falling out is between us two and nothing to do with him and he thought we had sorted it out! Well if we had dont you think I would have been invited for a drink too? Apparently IABU and like drama.....

I never asked him to stop speaking to her , thats not me ,but this socialising for no reason? Come the fuck on! AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Oohmeback · 06/08/2013 12:34

sorry about the spelling mistakes, i'm at work on a shrunken screen trying to do this on the down low....

OP posts:
oldgrandmama · 06/08/2013 13:34

Just catching up with this. Take the advice on an ancient old bat - SOMETHING IS PROBABLY GOING ON between your partner and this crude, vile woman. Been there, done that ... I shuddered in recognition at your story, ALL the signs are there. You're well rid of her but as for him - I'd put money on it that he's up to something. His excuses are totally illogical and frankly almost laughable ... but the whole thing is tragic, for you and your child/children. How dare he disrespect you in the way he has ... but straying men very often do that, to make themselves feel better about what they're doing.

Monty27 · 06/08/2013 13:48

Crabby are you saying that anyone who concurs with AF are not capable of forming an opinion of their own.

Oh and did you mean to be so rude?

LEMisdisappointed · 06/08/2013 13:56

he is being disloyal to you and putting a "friendship" over and above your feelings. I would have to be questioning why he is doing this. I would feel the same if it were a male friend who had upset you - I would expect loyalty. But yes, its obvious from what you have said that there is more to this than meets the eye. He might not be having an actual affair but he has either been in her knickers or wants to be. Quite frankly she sounds like a scumbag and i would have issues being with someone who found that sort of thing acceptable and i would be questioning my relationship.

AllThatGlistens · 06/08/2013 14:30

Wow crabby that really was an uncalled for personal attack Hmm everyone is perfectly entitled to their opinions, no, I don't think he is having an affair, in my opinion, but I don't feel the need to bitch about other posters just to make a point.

SarahBumBarer · 06/08/2013 15:05

I don't think he is having an affair with her but I think he is enough in her thrall that he would given half a chance. Sorry OP but I think he is chosing her over you. Also I can understand where AF was coming from in suggesting that you don't like him very much. It did come across that way - maybe it is just that I can't see very much to like about him from what you have posted...

Usually I would say that just because you have fallen out with someone is no reason to insist that your DP should not be friendly with them but in the circumstances you outline I think YANBU and he is behaving pretty badly and showing utter contempt for you and your feelings. Don't get me started on her vile thoughts about the daughter of the person you "hate" (do you really hate somone - I don't hate anyone).

inallmydays · 06/08/2013 15:13

only read the op , if that was my dh he would not be going round her house , if i fell out with anyone he would back me up same as i would him its being loyal, he might speak to her in passing but going round there to socialise is a big step too far,yanbu.

burstingbaboon · 06/08/2013 18:35

Please op , read in between the lines!

mynameismskane · 06/08/2013 19:19

Even if he is not having an affair with her, the way he is acting is so bloody disrespectful and shit that its enough. He probably fancies her though? Still can't fathom why you are with someone who would treat you like that.

xylem8 · 06/08/2013 19:46

have i got this right (genuine question)
Op's DH going round to nasty woman's house for a drink
OP says he can't possibly be having an affair with her because he never has time to see her.
(but he just did!)

Emilythornesbff · 06/08/2013 20:15

Ooh, me! Me! I know this one!

For comparison I know that if anyone, be they friend or family, had truly bad mouthed our children or me my dh would never speak with them again. So YANBU IMHO.
Some years ago my dh fell out with an old friend of his (all a bit stupid IMHO and very obviously something trivial.) it was a PitA tbh as I like the guy and I am friends with his DP. I didn't see her for months, although we spoke on the phone. I think we both knew they'd make up eventually Grin
There is absolutely no way that I would have gone to meet this man at his house in the evening for a drink during that episode. It would have been disloyal and disrespectful to my dh. it's so ridiculous to imagine that scenario. How on earth would it have come about?

If the situation were reversed and my dh did go to see an ex friend of mine I would be very cross and extremely suspicious.

Emilythornesbff · 06/08/2013 22:04

Anyway OP, hopefully your DP has seen the error of his ways and will cease from socialising with ppl who have seriously pissed you off.

BergholtStuttleyJohnson · 06/08/2013 23:16

I'm quite surprised at the way everyone is saying he must be having an affair. OP doesn't think he is and as she lives witgh him I think she is better able to judge that than anyone on here.
YANBU at all op, from what you've said he's being a twat over this matter. He sounds like he's desperate to be popular and maybe quite immature.
is this woman quite popular? Does she have a great social life which perhaps your DH wants to be involved in? He may be having an emotional affair, he may just really like her or want to be liked by her but I think the main issue is that he does care about your feelings.
I'd advise you try and discuss that with him, ask him why he doesn't care, why do his feelings come above yours?

inallmydays · 06/08/2013 23:18

oh come on berg the oh is always the last to know .

burstingbaboon · 07/08/2013 13:59

Hi op! I hope you are well! It's an open forum so there are lots of different opinions but majority are coming from good place and personal experiences!
Your head must be spinning from everything but as I said many times speak to him and make clear what are your feelings! Just saying, I would be very jelouse and angry! I wouldn't let him to go! Jelouse becouse his behaviour would be telling me that he cares more for her feelings then mine!!!!!

burstingbaboon · 10/08/2013 02:06

Did you speak to your dh op? I hope you are well!

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