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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my partner to be friendly with a woman who I no longer speak to?

141 replies

Oohmeback · 05/08/2013 01:17

Background, I had been friends with a woman for many years she is very rude offensive and overopiniated but for some reason she gets away with it, people tend to just say ' oh thats how she is' but the last straw was she came to my house was horribly rude, offensive disrespectful and inappropriate to me and my son while DP was there and I said enough is enough and cut her off. This was about a year ago. Fast forward to yesterday evening, he comes in from work and is getting ready to go out. I ask him where he is going he says 'to YOUR friends for a drink'. erm, after I cut her off and you know why, why would you be doing that?!?!?!? And the emphasis on 'your' like he was doing me a favour!

Apparently mine and her falling out is between us two and nothing to do with him and he thought we had sorted it out! Well if we had dont you think I would have been invited for a drink too? Apparently IABU and like drama.....

I never asked him to stop speaking to her , thats not me ,but this socialising for no reason? Come the fuck on! AIBU?

OP posts:
CrabbyBigBottom · 05/08/2013 23:33

You haven't upset me at all Anyfucker, but you are a prolific poster with a very outspoken style, and you seem to think that you can tell people exactly what is going on in their relationships from just a few lines on a page. Maybe I'm wrong and you actually have the gift of second sight, but very often I see you pile into relationship threads and diagnose exactly what is going on in that poster's life and relationship, and I wonder how on earth you can be so utterly sure that you're right all the time. Confused

Oh and My Agenda? Grin I wasn't aware that I had one. But you'd know better, obviously.

noUggscuse · 05/08/2013 23:34

He sounds obsessed with her. Why else would your dp ring her all the time? Sounds very suspicious. Sorry.

AnyFucker · 05/08/2013 23:39

If you don't have an agenda, I don't understand your compulsion to have yet another dig at me, crabby nor why you feel the need to drag others down just because they agree with me. They posted in good faith, as did I. Can you say the same ?

CrabbyBigBottom · 05/08/2013 23:56

Yep, yes I can. Smile

burstingbaboon · 05/08/2013 23:56

Op came here for help and a bit of advice! Anyfucker is just giving her honest opinion and I have to agree with her ! AF didn't claime she knows the answers to the mention issues but she is expressing her opinion! I would appreciate more frank , direct talk then someone who goes around! I love people who speak their mind and it's on OP to extract the best from given advices!

AnyFucker · 06/08/2013 00:00

crabby could you find the quote where I say it is "obvious" he is having an affair

if you care to look back, I raised the subject initially along the lines of "have you thought about this..."

I suppose that's not as much sport as putting words into my mouth though...

SarahAndFuck · 06/08/2013 00:07

There really is no need for you to be rude to the people who have offered you their advice or opinion, just because it's not the one you want to hear.

The Oracle of which you speak and her followers? Seriously, you ask for advice, people give you their opinion based on what you have said, and in many cases based on their own experiences or those of people they know, and that's how you respond? Why bother to ask if you don't want to know what people think?

AnyFucker · 06/08/2013 00:11

I am not responding to the OP again as she is obviously upset, so am happy to let "The Oracle" comment go.... this is her life after all that is being discussed.

Am not sure what crabby 's justification is for wading in to have a go at other posters is all about though, other than for the sport of it. A pretty despicable thing to do on the back of the OP's distress, IMO.

burstingbaboon · 06/08/2013 00:18

We all want to hear the best answer to our
problems, but if you come to a open forum and ask a question there will be lots of different opinions !
You shouldn't get angry or offended just because
someone is saying something you don't want to hear!!!!
Op- as I said earlier on! There is deeper problem
then what you think! He is disrespectful - and as a I said earlier on in my first post it's just plain weird and
he is hiding something from you!!!

burstingbaboon · 06/08/2013 00:20

AF is always straight forward and honest! I love her comments- they are honest and very clear and not offensive!!!!!

CrabbyBigBottom · 06/08/2013 00:24

I would bet a large amount of money he is shagging her, or has shagged her and is keeping contact so she doesn't blow it wide open.

AnyFucker · 06/08/2013 00:26

Yes, and... ? Where is the "certainty" there. Admit it, crabby, you have my comments mixed up with someone else who posted after me.

Everyone knows betting is a Mug's Game Wink

SarahAndFuck · 06/08/2013 00:31

Well then AF, you are more generous than I am Smile because I hate that sort of thing.

Both the 'oracle' comment and the 'followers' one are really rude, not just to you but to everyone who has posted trying to help and offer advise.

AnyFucker · 06/08/2013 00:32

I know, I agree Sarah. I had already wished OP well though and said I was out, so I have no beef with her.

CrabbyBigBottom · 06/08/2013 00:35

Oh sorry I must have misunderstood then... See I'd only bet a large amount of money on something I was pretty certain about.

AnyFucker · 06/08/2013 00:37

Yes, you misunderstood. Perhaps if you look a few posts under mine upthread (the ones you seem to have taken most issue with) you will see that you have mixed me up with another poster who used words like "certain" which you seemed to be pretty certain about.

burstingbaboon · 06/08/2013 00:40

So where is op? Iwhat happened with her!? I

burstingbaboon · 06/08/2013 00:40

S....d I phone- sorry for bad writting!!!!

Ouchmyhead · 06/08/2013 00:44

Hi OP, you've had a lot of responses to this so my two pence will probably just get lost in amongst it all.

For what it's worth, I don't think this means he's shagging her or having an affair. He's been a bit of an insensitive penis, yes - but that does not mean he is shagging her.

I talk to my DP's friends, he talks to mine, sometimes we see them together, sometimes we don't. Would I find it upsetting if he carried on speaking to my friend when we'd fallen out? For sure, and you need to tell him that. Maybe he has another motive though, maybe he thinks you should make friends with this woman again and build bridges? And all he's trying to do is keep the line of contact going till you're both ready? Everybody makes mistakes, says thins we regret and make the wrong decisions sometimes - it doesn't make them bad people, just human.

Hope you're ok.

AnyFucker · 06/08/2013 00:46

We get the gist, BB Smile

fabergeegg · 06/08/2013 01:21

I haven't read the whole thread but the whole thing sounds cracked. Why does somebody's husband go off and drink alcohol with some other woman, and not mention this until he's asked when walking out the door? Who cares who is speaking to who, this is just cracked to begin with.

If my DH arranged to meet another woman for a drink, just because he felt like it, didn't think to tell me - and she had invited him! - there would be no peace in my home that night.

burstingbaboon · 06/08/2013 11:29

Op are you ok?!

Original poster
Oohmeback · 06/08/2013 12:10

Hello, i'm ok thanks. I didnt come on here to ask if people thought he was having an affair, i wanted to know if people thought i was unreasonable to be upset by what he was doing. I'm not stupid enough to think that he would never have an affair but if he is having one, it wouldnt be with her because he doesnt have the time. I suppose he could be having an affair with someone at work, thats possible, if i ever get an inkling that he is, i'll be back, but on the relationship forum. They dont work together by the way.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oohmeback · 06/08/2013 12:22

ouchmyhead when i cut this woman off, i lost 50% of my friends. My DP felt that we should kiss and make up, i told him that wouldnt be happening he knows that i find it diffucult to make friends and probably feeld like a bad friend is better than no friend at all. We dont share the same feelings on the matter, i think the bridge building thing maybe what he was trying to do in his cack handed way.

He likes her very much, her personality and 'say what i like, when i like' attitude, but tbh, its too much for me, as she is almost childlike in her ways, what i mean by that is she will say in a far too loud voice, OMG look at that womans cellulite, or 'OMG who told her she looks good in that, it may be true but once you are over the age of 4 you kind of know that certain things you should maybe keep to yourself or be a bit more discreet?
She is offensive and self righteous and over opiniated, some people like that 'ooh i like a woman who speaks her mind' and all that shit but i dont, especially when the vitriol and rudeness is aimed at my child. I didnt tell you lot everything she said but when i think back now at the scene, its almost surreal, i cant really believe she said what she did and i am really angry with myself that i didnt bunch the bitch in her saggy jowled face. I will never forgive her for what she said, and the fact that he knows how angry i was and maintains contact is what really fucked me off.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oohmeback · 06/08/2013 12:32

So, you can say all day long he's a knob, he's insensitive, he hasnt got any fespect for me or my feelings yadda yadda yadda.... And i will agree with all of you! I do like him apart from this episode, where I have to say, he has really suprised me. Its not that i dont like him, i dont like what he did. This may open a can of worms, it may be a one off incident that we can both learn from it may even be the beginning of the end for us but hey, i'm a big girl, i'll be ok.

OP posts:
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