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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my partner to be friendly with a woman who I no longer speak to?

141 replies

Oohmeback · 05/08/2013 01:17

Background, I had been friends with a woman for many years she is very rude offensive and overopiniated but for some reason she gets away with it, people tend to just say ' oh thats how she is' but the last straw was she came to my house was horribly rude, offensive disrespectful and inappropriate to me and my son while DP was there and I said enough is enough and cut her off. This was about a year ago. Fast forward to yesterday evening, he comes in from work and is getting ready to go out. I ask him where he is going he says 'to YOUR friends for a drink'. erm, after I cut her off and you know why, why would you be doing that?!?!?!? And the emphasis on 'your' like he was doing me a favour!

Apparently mine and her falling out is between us two and nothing to do with him and he thought we had sorted it out! Well if we had dont you think I would have been invited for a drink too? Apparently IABU and like drama.....

I never asked him to stop speaking to her , thats not me ,but this socialising for no reason? Come the fuck on! AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Oohmeback · 05/08/2013 14:21

He went out drinking with his brothers. I have no reason to disbelieve this.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 05/08/2013 14:24

I think you should consider they are having a relationship in plain sight of you

Just a hunch I have, which tbh makes as much sense than any other explanation I could find as to why he insists on contact with her in this strange and inexplicable way

For one reason or another, they have both treated you like a fool and apparently are continuing to do so

Original poster
Oohmeback · 05/08/2013 14:26

Wow. If they were having a relationship i would know. he never leaves the house except to go to work! Very rarely goes out drinking with his brothers anymore and is usually parked on the sofa....

OP posts:
BurningBridges · 05/08/2013 14:26

Arrgh!! Oohmeback that's what DH says to me, that everyone likes him and that the only reason he doesn't see his friends is because I am such an awful person they all stay away and that I make things difficult for everyone. Hmm, I see a pattern, but do you?

BurningBridges · 05/08/2013 14:27

Seriously though, does he have form for doing this sort of thing?

AnyFucker · 05/08/2013 14:28

How would you know ?? you say you can't even communicate with him and you had to resort to emailing him to find out where he had been !

< head > < desk >

Davsmum · 05/08/2013 14:30

Your 'friend' sound totally weird and I think you are right to cut her right out of your life.
However, your partner sounds pretty 'weird' too and so does your relationship.
I reckon you could do without either of them.

expatinscotland · 05/08/2013 14:35

She's a bitch, he's a taunt. What made you stay with him so long? Dump.

Original poster
Oohmeback · 05/08/2013 14:42

Anyfucker how would i know? Well unless they were conducting their relationship on my Sofa........

Burningbridges thats really interesting re the friends thing, he had no compunction telling me some time ago that his friends didnt like me, i'm very shy and socially awkward and people mistake that for coldness and think i'm aloof and unfriendly. I'm the complete opposite of ex friend who is the 'life and soul' of the party and the kind of person who he would naturally gravitate towards.

OP posts:
digerd · 05/08/2013 14:43

I don't get how other people she is rude, offensive and overopinionated to accept her 'ways' and enjoy socialising with her Confused.
But your DP should not be one of them as he knows how you feel about her and he should care about your feelings.

expatinscotland · 05/08/2013 14:47

What made you believe you deserve such a cock for a so-called partner?

minouminou · 05/08/2013 14:50

This is a very bad dynamic, and you're on the arse-end of it.

Usually when people are shy, others see past it and appreciate the person behind the shyness. Why hasn't your partner facilitated this?

captainmummy · 05/08/2013 14:52

SO he feels that she is the life and soul (the opposite to you) - that doesn't explain why he is so disrespectful to you. Honestly, his actions show how little he thinks of you, and how little he thinks of your relationship.

As expat says - why is he all you deserve?

BurningBridges · 05/08/2013 14:54

Oohmeback I think its just you and me then .... I'm usually very coy about what I say re DH on here as I know full well everyone will say he is an arse but me knowing that doesn't help - (he has mental and physical health issues). But getting back to your situation, now you know that YANBU what do you think you could do? I mean I know it helps to know YANBU but what comes after that?

Original poster
Oohmeback · 05/08/2013 15:04

we just spoke. He confirmed to me that she never calls him, he is always the one who calls her. He told me to stop asking him foolish questions and said that he know i think that they are sleeping together ((i didnt think that and never said anything of the sort) and he doesnt care what i think. I never told him that she said he gets on her nerves, but out of respect to him, since then i didnt take him to her house anymore and didnt invite her to mine if he was going to be there. He is so thinkskinned and sensitive i didnt tell him what she said to spare his feelings and that has come back to bite me.

OP posts:
Casmama · 05/08/2013 15:07

If he genuinely doesn't care what you think then I'm sorry but I think your relationship is over bar the shouting. I would dump him and let him chase after her like a puppy dog if he likes as it would no longer be your problem.

libertine73 · 05/08/2013 15:19

' I know you think we're sleeping together, and I don't care'!! listen to what he's telling you love, he doesn't care!!

Davsmum · 05/08/2013 15:21

OP

Your partner does not respect or love you. Bin him.

mynameismskane · 05/08/2013 15:29

Really, what ARE you doing with this twat? Why are you with him?

captainmummy · 05/08/2013 16:20

Because you are 'naturally shy and awkward.' That does not mean you have to put up with -well, just anyone. He does not respect you. He doesnt care if you think he is sleeping around. He doesn't love you in the way you should be loved.

Why put up with it? Ask yourself if you are with him just because.... there is no-one else.

captainmummy · 05/08/2013 16:21

He is thin-skinned? or thick skinned? He is most definitely NOT sensitive.

AnyFucker · 05/08/2013 17:49

Why would he raise the idea of his sleeping with her ? Classic deflection. I would bet a large amount of money he is shagging her, or has shagged her and is keeping contact so she doesn't blow it wide open. In fact, I think her odd behaviour towards you last year was her trying to engineer you finding out. Sorry.

I don't understand your comment OP that if was conducting an affair then it would have to be on your sofa. He was out until the early hours the other night and you had no clue where he was (and still only have his word for it)

I understand your denial, love, but you don't even like this bloke and it's clear he doesn't give a shit about you. What on earth are you hanging on for ?

Original poster
Oohmeback · 05/08/2013 18:06

Again Anyfucker Wow. how did you manage to glean that I dont like him? I dont like what he did granted and you may even be right about him not liking me but did I give an indication I dont like him? Dont think I did.......

OP posts:
poorbuthappy · 05/08/2013 18:13

pushes AnyFucker over the bench so head can reach same desk

AnyFucker · 05/08/2013 18:15

Ok, I get it. I am way off beam. I shall leave you to it. I really hope my words don't come back to haunt you (seriously I don't, that is not a passive aggressive comeback). All the best, love x

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