Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want my partner to be friendly with a woman who I no longer speak to?

141 replies

Oohmeback · 05/08/2013 01:17

Background, I had been friends with a woman for many years she is very rude offensive and overopiniated but for some reason she gets away with it, people tend to just say ' oh thats how she is' but the last straw was she came to my house was horribly rude, offensive disrespectful and inappropriate to me and my son while DP was there and I said enough is enough and cut her off. This was about a year ago. Fast forward to yesterday evening, he comes in from work and is getting ready to go out. I ask him where he is going he says 'to YOUR friends for a drink'. erm, after I cut her off and you know why, why would you be doing that?!?!?!? And the emphasis on 'your' like he was doing me a favour!

Apparently mine and her falling out is between us two and nothing to do with him and he thought we had sorted it out! Well if we had dont you think I would have been invited for a drink too? Apparently IABU and like drama.....

I never asked him to stop speaking to her , thats not me ,but this socialising for no reason? Come the fuck on! AIBU?

OP posts:
YouStayClassySanDiego · 05/08/2013 18:23

He's a tosser and you are just taking all the crap he's chucking at you.

I reckon they are having sex despite what she might have said in the past.

Rediscover your self respect and show this prick the door!

HurricaneWyn · 05/08/2013 18:24

said that he know i think that they are sleeping together and he doesnt care what i think

Why would he even say this unprompted? That, on it's own, would worry me.

HurricaneWyn · 05/08/2013 18:32

she told me he calls her to the point he gets on her nerves.

He invited himself over to her house without me in the beginning of our reationship after having met her only once

He keeps in touch with her because he feels that 'its the right thing to do' She is not and has never been his friend

He confirmed to me that she never calls him, he is always the one who calls her

Do you not think any of these are signs of something that's a bit off in how your DP relates to this woman?

And this :

he had no compunction telling me some time ago that his friends didnt like me is not evidence of a sensitive man.

NutcrackerFairy · 05/08/2013 18:43

I'm sorry but I'm with Anyfucker on this.

My hunch is they are having an affair and trying to conceal the fact from you.

So she tells you he is unattractive, he tells you she is your friend...

She is unpleasant to both you and your DS.... jealousy rearing it's ugly head?

He has a relationship with her which does not include you... he goes to her home to drink with her friends... he arrives back in the early hours.

He refuses to speak with you, throws accusations at you claiming you are overly dramatic...

I am really sorry but I feel there is something more than "friendship" going on with your DH and this woman. They are gaslighting you.

They are both being really vile and duplicitous. They deserve each other.

Even if I am wrong and it is just a friendship it is still out of order and disrespectful of you. Your DH is a bit of prick isn't he.

NutcrackerFairy · 05/08/2013 18:52

Oh and I X posted with one of your latest posts.

Agree with Anyfucker again, his assertion that he knows you think he is sleeping with her and he doesn't care... It is classic deflection!

He is again trying to put the blame for his shitty behaviour onto you... so you doubt yourself and think you're just being paranoid...

I am willing to bet he is sleeping with her.

I am so sorry, I am sure this is probably not what you want to hear.

But you've posted on here for a reason. If all was well in your relationship you would not be asking for advice from strangers. You would feel completely secure and loved. But you're not and you deserve so much better.

I know how it feels to be disrespected and cheated on in a relationship. It really hurts. But he's the loser, not you. He is pathetic and weak and just plain nasty. Cut him loose and let him and your ex friend have each other. They both sound highly unpleasant people, let them wreak their worst on each other, not on your self esteem.

You deserve so much better Flowers

Original poster
Oohmeback · 05/08/2013 18:55

I dont know what else to say without sounding like a complete sap. Thanks very much to you all for your posts though.

OP posts:
Ipp3 · 05/08/2013 18:58

Yanbu. He is your partner and should have your back when someone is an arse to you. That is a relationship fundamental in my book.

mynameismskane · 05/08/2013 19:22

I really don't understand why you are in denial - he is treating you like a complete sucker and you are letting him. I agree with Anyfucker.

RinseAndRepeat · 05/08/2013 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alliwantisaroomsomewhere · 05/08/2013 19:35

Without a doubt, your DH is having an affair with that woman. No doubt about that.

CrabbyBigBottom · 05/08/2013 19:38

Godalfucking mighty, one member of MN royalty states her usual black and white interpretation of a situation and decides that he is 'obviously' fucking her (it isn't obvious at all, actually, all that's obvious is that the guy is a prick) and everyone else piles in like a load of rabid sheep and declares that Ooh isn't capable of knowing whether her partner has time/is away from her enough/shows any other signs whatsoever of having an affair. It's fucking ridiculous and there's a sort of hand-rubbing glee in telling someone that she's being cheated on when none of you have any fucking idea from a few posts whether that's the case. It annoys me. Hmm

He sounds like a tosser and I have no idea from what you've said why on earth you're with him, but if you don't think he's having an affair then he's probably not - you know better than anyone else, frankly, and don't listen to people who know nothing about you and your life.

tattyteddy · 05/08/2013 19:44

OP, has your relationship always been like this with your partner? Whether or not he's having an affair he isn't treating you at all well. Thanks xx

Original poster
Oohmeback · 05/08/2013 19:48

Thanks CrabbyBigBottom the Oracle of which you speak does seem to have a lot of followers..... I dont think he is having an affair, he doesnt go out AT ALL and whenever he does its with me or his brothers I know this because they normally end up back at mine. Im not here because I think they are having an affair, its the ignoring of my feelings and the lack of consideration that upsets me. Yes he is a knob, that I cant deny.

OP posts:
Original poster
Oohmeback · 05/08/2013 19:51

tattyteddy he doesnt like to be in the wrong and will argue that what he is doing is ok until the cows come home. He think that because he is innocent, going for a drink at hers is okaaay, its fuuuun, he just wants to let his hair down etc etc, he is ashamed that the fact that I wasnt happy about it didnt occur to him and I pulled him up on shitty behaviour, and justifiably had a go at him.

OP posts:
captainmummy · 05/08/2013 19:57

Crabby - Grin Agree totally.

I don't think he's having an affair, tho i suppose he could be.

But yes he is a total knob. And a shit husband.

BitOutOfPractice · 05/08/2013 20:01

I've not read the thread but am I the only one who thinks it's odd not to know where your DP is going and with whom until he's getting ready to go out?

Original poster
Oohmeback · 05/08/2013 20:05

bitout yes it is weird. I did say at the beginning but when I asked him where he was off to, he said i'm going to YOUR friends for a drink, like she was forcing him or he was doing me a favour! he wanted to go but I spose didnt want to seem to eager. If hes going out with his brothers he'll say or ask if I want to go with.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 05/08/2013 20:19

I don't eeven live with my BF but youcan bet your bottom dollar I know where he's going out on a Friday night before he starts getting ready because we...erm...talk about stuff

Lizzabadger · 05/08/2013 20:51

You said before that your relationship is 'not the best' and you have 'trust issues'. What has caused the trust issues?

P.s. I think he sounds like a complete arse to be friends with someone who has been rude to you and your son.

SquinkiesRule · 05/08/2013 21:04

Hey may well not be sleeping with her, but he's trying really hard to make it happen to the point of annoying her. He's having an emotional affair all on his own. He may think he's a sensitive soul too, but he's not.
He's quite horrible, do you think this man is being a good role model for you teen son?

BonzaBetty · 05/08/2013 22:19

Well done CRABBY!

mynameismskane · 05/08/2013 22:45

My god he really has pulled the wool over your eyes - again, why are you with him?

Bit unfair on Anyfucker there crabby. She doesn't ask people to agree with her, she just talks sense a lot of the time.

NutcrackerFairy · 05/08/2013 22:47

Sorry Crabby but my response to the OP wasn't rabid sheepness following along in the wake of MN royalty Hmm I do have a mind of my own and everything the OP was saying was ringing alarm bells loud and clear.

However I hope I am proven wrong, for Ooh's sake.

AnyFucker · 05/08/2013 22:58

You can say what you like to me, crabby as it is obvious I have upset you in a previous life or summat and I don't give a shit what you say, only the OP

However, name calling other posters who happen to agree with me is beyond the pale and shows exactly what your agenda is

aquashiv · 05/08/2013 23:14

Op has he always been an insensitive old ejit or is this a recent development?