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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think travelling in a car with small dcs is hell on earth?

121 replies

UnevenTan · 03/08/2013 21:15

Go on, tell me how you do it then!

I have dcs aged 1-8 years. We can manage a max of 45 mins to 1 and a quarter hours (only once per day) at one stint before at least one, and more often two of them are literally screaming, and/or shouting. We take snacks, drinks, sticker books, there are electronic devices (I.e DVD players for those aged 3yrs upwards). The screaming forces us to stop, and once stopped it's an hour or more like 1.5hrs before there's a hope in hell of getting going again for more than 5 mins before a repeat performance.

How on earth do people go on holiday to France or Scotland? Or even anywhere 3 bloody hours away?

Last time we did a 3hr journey it took 7.5hrs, and even then the baby literally screamed until puce for the last 25 mins. It was torture Sad.

I need to know what the secret is!

Ps please don't say travel at night, as (a) dh and I rarely get more than 5hrs of broken sleep a night, so too tired, and especially knackering the following day; (b) no-where to stop and go to loo or get coffee, and (c) last time we tried it, the oldest two stayed awake until we arrived at gone midnight.

OP posts:
NoComet · 03/08/2013 21:19

No idea my DDs wouldn't dare behave like that.

They are a bit grumpy on long trips, but they simply wouldn't think to behave like that.

Less snacks, drinks, less pandering to them and more just expecting good behaviour.

NotAnotherPackedLunch · 03/08/2013 21:20

Turn your radio up.

Tommy · 03/08/2013 21:21

ours all have DSs, ipods etc and audio books on the CD player. It was pretty hellish when they were younger but at least a baby/toddler will sleep at some stage

Original poster
UnevenTan · 03/08/2013 21:22

Good for you star all. Good for you. Clearly I am a shit parent Hmm.

OP posts:
MildDrPepperAddiction · 03/08/2013 21:22

Mine are 3 and 11 months. We have just been to visit family who are a 5 hour drive away. They are fine in the car. Are your DCs used to long journeys? We live far away from both sets of parents for ours have been used to long journeys from very small. My DS loves to follow the journey on a map.

sittinginthesun · 03/08/2013 21:22

We've always done it, as inlaws live several hours away and we visit four times a year. We've just come back from France with two children, aged 6 and 9, with no difficulty. I don't know how it works, but we don't have any problems.

We don't use DVDs etc, ds2 can't read as he gets sick, so he just sits, and we chat. We stop every two hours, no snacks in the car, water to drink.

We do chat a lot, play silly games (mainly spotting games), and stop every two hours for the loo and a break. We use service stations with a playground.

Sorry I can't suggest more. Think my boys are just used to it.

TimeofChange · 03/08/2013 21:24

Star: you must have had extremely well behaved babies or maybe they were just docile.

OP does say that the baby was screaming - not the 8 year old.

Original poster
UnevenTan · 03/08/2013 21:27

No, mine are not used to the car. They are all very active and sporty, and we walk or cycle everywhere usually. They often only go in the car once a week and for 2 ten min journeys at that. The older two are used to walking 3 miles a day and doing 2-3 hrs of physical activity.

We do try to do a lot of physical activity before setting off. It's the one and three year old that are the hardest. I think I am just fed up, as the older ones were harder when younger too, and it's been years of dealing with this now. The oldest ones are ready to go places and do stuff, but we can't figure out how to make it less painful for the littlies.

However, I now people with similarly active kids who manage long journeys...

OP posts:
Fairylea · 03/08/2013 21:27

I feel your pain.

We have ds 13 months (and also dd aged 10 who is fine) but he is a nightmare. Absolute nightmare in the car. So the most we ever do is a 30minute journey to our nearest city for shopping once in a blue moon.

I really don't know how people do long journeys with babies and toddlers. I'd rather stick pins in my eyes unless it was an absolute necessity to travel (ie hospital or medical reasons).

Original poster
UnevenTan · 03/08/2013 21:27

Now = know

OP posts:
Tailtwister · 03/08/2013 21:28

YANBU! I can remember a few hideous journeys in particular when we had a screaming baby. Once we were gridlocked on the M25 and I was in tears myself listening to it. Pure torture.

I don't know what the answer is. Babies in particular can take exception to car seats, especially for long periods and apart from taking regular breaks there's not much you can do. Now the children are older, it's getting easier and you can entertain them more easily.

Original poster
UnevenTan · 03/08/2013 21:30

Yes, my 8 year old is absolutely fine in the car. The five year old would be fine too... Without the 3 year old baiting her Angry.

Sigh. Guess I need to adjust my expectations downwards.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 03/08/2013 21:30

I quite like travelling with the DCs in the car. It's the only time I can use restraints on them and not have the police called. Grin

rockybalboa · 03/08/2013 21:31

I suspect it's because they just aren't used to it. Mine are used to being in the car and have always been fine. DVD player/iPad helps plus they tend to fall asleep. What about audio book stories? Do you think that would keep their interest? I do have to resort to iSpy games or similar on occasions.

bruffin · 03/08/2013 21:31

Mine were always fine. At one stage the used to get a little upset tuning onto M25 because they knew it was along journey but just used to remind them that long jjourneys always meant we were going somewhere nice. Also DS usually fell asleep and then would have how many Simpson's episodes until we get there.

GibberTheMonkey · 03/08/2013 21:31

I have four now 4-10 in age. I don't give them everything to do at once. First hour is looking out the window, then dss and iPods for example. After another hour it's games, who is the first to see... Then a DVD for a couple of hours
We managed a 9 hour drive to Scotland recently including 3 hours stuck on the motorway because there was a bad accident without too much bickering
Have to admit I would have had to stop for the baby after five minutes but that's because I always leaked when mine cried.
We also do very regular stops and make sure they have plenty of space around them. I am the queen of packing.
Build them up to it and if all else fails bribery

TimeofChange · 03/08/2013 21:32

We tried setting off at the DCs bedtime, thinking they would go to sleep.
That didn't work - the DCs cried 'I waaaant a beeeeed to sleeeeeep in' - for a couple of hours!

Tried the DVD - they argued about the volume, the film etc.

I suppose some DCs are more docile than others.

NoComet · 03/08/2013 21:33

DD1 is pretty good at cars and mostly slept DD2 was fussier, but she could generally be ignored.

Yes I have resorted to turning the radio up and yes I endured years of "the wheels in the bus and other exciting songs".

But, we live on very narrow lanes, fussing in the car is just not safe, so they simply know it won't get them anywhere.

freemanbatch · 03/08/2013 21:34

I've just got back from an eight hour drive with my two daughters, 3 and 6 and we've had a great day.

I make up bags for them with magazines and crayons, a book, some sweets and a water bottle so they have things to do and then we talk a lot and listen to music they can sing to in between. They know what is expected of them and they know that I can't deal with anything while I'm driving so they have to wait until we stop.

I've never had a problem with either of them since they were born so I don't really know what the secret is it just seems to work.

Fairylea · 03/08/2013 21:34

I think with me part of the problem is me (!) In that I feel sorry for ds being restrained and unable to do anything or go anywhere for the length of time he's miserable in the car so I actually feel guilty about going anywhere!

(We spend a lot of time walking everywhere!)

Original poster
UnevenTan · 03/08/2013 21:34

The baby was fine in the carseat until a couple of months ago, but now she hates it, so unless asleep just screams Sad. A couple of the others were like this, and at least they got over it by age 2.5yrs. Sadly the. They learn the ways to get the car stopped when they've had enough... "I need a wee" "I need a poo" "my bottom hurts" "I'm huungry" "the sun's in my eyes" etc etc, and then if ignored or not satisfied with resolution, simply yell full volume, waking baby, causing older dcs to cry, piercing my fecking eardrums.

OP posts:
BrianTheMole · 03/08/2013 21:35

Not sure really, ours are pretty good (age 3 and 5). We did 7 hours with one stop for the toilet recently and they handled it pretty well. Maybe it helps they are close in age, they seem to entertain eachother. I don't remember any really bad journeys, but they are used to car journeys. And I am quite good at shutting off. I did use a dummy though when dc were younger, which I'm sure helped. Other than that they just have a few toys to play with, cars, dolls, pencil and paper etc.

CaptainSweatPants · 03/08/2013 21:35

Time your journey for 13 month baby's nap time

Put 5 year old in front seat

Sit in between 3 year old & 8 year old

Or whichever is worse behaved in the front

Tell them no bickering or they don't get to stop at next cafe for juice

Judyandherdreamofhorses · 03/08/2013 21:36

Hideous, isn't it? I sympathise. I just did 8 hours today, on my own, with DD(almost 4) and DS (13 mo). It's usually 4.5 hours (between my parents and home), and I knew today would be bad but was unavoidable.

I was so lucky that DS slept a lot. Sometimes he doesn't. And like yours, DD can stay awake for hours even at night. Still, she slept for about 45 mins today, which gave my ears some respite.

I've got a noisy car with no air con, so have to drive with the windows open. This means I genuinely can't hear the whining, which helps! We have to play kids songs at full volume though.

I was really pleased and amazed that neither of them actually cried at all during the whole hellish journey today. The worst bit was managing a crowded and horrible service station with them. Arrive at the same time as three coach parties, all determined to get their coffee!

France and Spain, no way. We fly. Our journeys to respective parents are all long enough.

GibberTheMonkey · 03/08/2013 21:36

*excluding

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