To think travelling in a car with small dcs is hell on earth?

[UnevenTan]

Go on, tell me how you do it then!

I have dcs aged 1-8 years. We can manage a max of 45 mins to 1 and a quarter hours (only once per day) at one stint before at least one, and more often two of them are literally screaming, and/or shouting. We take snacks, drinks, sticker books, there are electronic devices (I.e DVD players for those aged 3yrs upwards). The screaming forces us to stop, and once stopped it's an hour or more like 1.5hrs before there's a hope in hell of getting going again for more than 5 mins before a repeat performance.

How on earth do people go on holiday to France or Scotland? Or even anywhere 3 bloody hours away?

Last time we did a 3hr journey it took 7.5hrs, and even then the baby literally screamed until puce for the last 25 mins. It was torture .

I need to know what the secret is!

Ps please don't say travel at night, as (a) dh and I rarely get more than 5hrs of broken sleep a night, so too tired, and especially knackering the following day; (b) no-where to stop and go to loo or get coffee, and (c) last time we tried it, the oldest two stayed awake until we arrived at gone midnight.

We have a multipla, so 3 in front and 3 in back. Can't afford the tax/insurance on a 7 sweater, and need boot space, so Zafira and similar are not an option (also really dislike seats up against rear windscreen for safety reasons). I'm not convinced about the safety of turning off the front airbag and putting a 5 year old there, versus her sitting in the middle in the back.

Gah, there isn't an answer is there !

Is it usually the dvd (for example) which starts the drama? If so can you just not bother with them?

Doesn't really work if it's different things each time obviously.

Lego kits! Never thought of that . That's a good one.
Maybe I should make them quizzes based on landmarks en route. The older two would definitely engage with that.

While ours have mostly been pretty good, I would completely agree that it was sheer hell when they did kick off. I also found it impossible to concentrate on driving safely with a screaming toddler in the back. There is something about THAT noise....

On a more positive note they do grow out of it eventually.

I wondered from your post though if you make many short journeys? You sound very active and this set me thinking if your DCs perhaps are less used to being in the car, or if they associate it with longer journeys?

We live in a small village without many amenities and have to drive to the next village for essentials such as bread and milk. While this is a pain at times, it does mean that for our DCs car journeys were just a normal part of life.

Just a thought.

TeWe that's a good idea... Sadly, there's no one set cause, beyond usually it's just that the 3 yr old is fed up, or that the baby is awake. The creative ways the 3 yr old can come up with to force us to stop are quite impressive. Of course, screaming so loud the baby wakes and we can't think is a sure fire winner.

We have just returned from a little holiday with a three hour journey. Not fun is it. I tend to just break the journey with a treat thrown in we separate them now as they squabble otherwise. I feel your pain though much prefer public transport and to them its a real treat they hate the car.

My final answer is don't go anywhere for the next 4 years and then maybe the littlies will be a bit more reasonable?

J/k. Sort of.

I don't think there is one answer for all kids on any problem. As much as that sucks, sometimes I think you just have to wait it out.

I think you're right. However, that seems a bit mean for the eldest, who will be 11 by the time the baby is 4. Anyone planning a big family, heed this warning!

What about you or DH, whichever is the non-driving parent, sitting in the back with the 3 and 5 year olds to keep the peace? That way you can keep an eye on the baby, field requests for DVD changes, hush the screeching, hand out sticker books etc and generally maintain order?

My DS is not quite 2 so long car journeys are a challenge. We only have him to manage though so if we're facing into a particularly long drive or if he's grouchy, I sit in the back with him and play with him or talk to him.

Also, to be honest it sounds like you have about 2 too many kids to begin with ... 4 is a LOT of work!!

Where would we put the baby NepaCab?

Okay I'm going to be contraversal but there is always an option of giving the 3 year old a dose of piriton before the journey so she may have a sleep. Yes is is effectivly drugging your child but if you need to go on an essential long journey....

I've been quite lucky and not had to do this, I've got 3 dc under 4 and have always taken them on regular longish journeys since birth to visit relatives, so they just seem to get on with it. Also we have a large Chrysler voyager so they are separated but we still have decent boot space.

They'd be getting a sharp bollocking if they were in my car.

Ha ha ha Bet the OP hadn't thought of that

Some children are just difficult to manage in a car, usually those who take a bit of managing at other times too. But at least during other times you're in a position to deal with any unwanted behaviour whereas you can't when in a moving vehicle.

Good luck OP

My youngest is 8yo, and we've finally mastered the art of travelling in the car like normal human beings. Although I do have to sit in the back sometimes.....for example when my 14yo DS starts to sob and wail "Why, why, why?"

I wouldn't go anywhere more than 4 hours away in one stint. South of France? Not on your nelly!

My dcs are the same with the exception of dd1 who has always been very good on journeys.

The other dcs, from the age of about 6 months-2.5 years HATED their car seats/journeys and ds1 in particular would scream and scream untill he was dripping in sweat, purple and throwing up.
Dd2 just cried and moaned and I remember one journey where I had to sit next to her and read a miffy book about 100 times as everytime I stopped she cried again.

Ds1 also gets car sick and it is just hell. We won't be going anywhere this year that takes longer than 20 mins to get to as the baby is 15 months and detests his car seat.

Plan B
Take holidays that mostly involve trains/ferries rather than driving.

(I have done this, BTW).

OP, you mentioned possibly going by train. So maybe that's the next option to try if you're going somewhere that's practical and your dh is going too. You could hire a car at the other end if it's worth it. The baby might be happier and the other kids will think it's fun.

Eurostar to Paris (4 hours)
Paris to Rennes TGV (2 hours)
That takes you to Brittany, for example.

It's really hard when they're small.

It DOES get easier. Mine are now 12, 10 and 6 and can manage a long journey with 7 hours of a Harry Potter audiobook!

Buy second hand DS's on ebay for worst offenders, with bundle of games. Put 3 year old in front and buy very easy game you can help with. I started off with the idea of no electrics in car, but once we started longer foreign journeys gave in to the DS, DVD and now ipods.

Nothing you can do re baby, I had one memorable trip back from France where mine cried himself sick. I did find Duplo useful for little once once a bit older.

Yanbu OP. Children are not naughty because they fuss on long car journeys, they are all different and some parents are lucky, others not so much. Some dc are happy to sit and stare out the window, others need entertaining and distracting constantly and some unluckily get very restless and upset, and nothing works. Try to put yourself in their shoes - you are 2 years old, your mean parents have restrained you in your car seat for what seems like eternity in reality half an hour and you have no idea how long this journey will take. It must be torture! Plus lets not forget young kids are not naturally blessed with patience, any real concept of time or the ability to sit still for so long.

We make regular 2.5 hour journeys to my parents every 4-6 weeks, sometimes more frequently. Always have done since dc1 was a baby. Always tried to time it according to his nap, but it was hit and miss as occasionally he would cry and refuse to nap - especially once we switched to a forward-facing car seat. Now he is nearly 4 and heaps better. Though the 'Are we there yet?' Every two minutes gets seriously annoying after a bit he is easier to distract with phone, tablet etc or even falls asleep if its quiet and the radio is not on. He is in the back as we did try putting him in the front passenger seat but the buttons and handbrake/gearstick were too tempting for him to not touch
Now dc2 10months is in a forward facing carseat and the first time we travelled to my parents, he was quite bewildered and fussy as he was tired but didn't know what to do with himself. However he seemed to get used to it quite quickly as slept the whole way back. I know there will be times when he will play up in the car and drive us mental but we will probably reduce travelling during that period of a few months. (Worst I find between 1 and 2 years). Its rather like when a child goes through a phase of refusing to sit in the pushchair, or becomes a bolter its wise to avoid that situation as much as possible until they grow out of it. Its extremely dangerous for a fed up driver listening to crying, screaming children for hours on end.

My youngest is great on long journeys, he doesn't realy need dvd's, books, or even talking to. Is that helpful? He has been seeing an educational psychologist for poor attention at school but is actually very (too) good at drifting off and amusing himself. A trait that turns to be very useful in cars.

My eldest was a screamer in cars from young. We drove across Europe a couple of times a year anyway to visit family. If he screamed we kept going, if he was fed and clean there was nothing to be gained from stopping. It often take us 30 mins just to get out of our town anyway, before even starting a proper trip, we were used to ignoring it. If he wasn't screaming he was talking, he didnt stop talking. Driving at nap times or bedtime didn't help as that'd make him more awake. Flying was no better, airports did odd things to him, at lest on a car he was strapped down. By 8 he was fne but years later he doesn't stop the nattering, unless he has headphones on.

4 young kids is never going to be easy, especially if one is a baby. Statistically one so going to be thinking about kicking of, kicking off, or on a come down from kicking off. My parents used to do many long drives with us 4 kids and I'm sure it was often hell for them. I can remember many fights and my Mum screeching but I also have fond memories.

Trains can be as bad, or worse.

I have lots of sympathy for you, OP. I have only two DC, aged 3 and 5. The 5-year-old is fine and pretty much always has been. If it were just me and him, it would be fine. The 3 year old has never travelled well (used to scream as a baby) and although they are used to short journeys (we drive 10 mins to school and back each day, at least once a week a 15 minute trip to do shopping etc) on longer journeys it is harder to keep her happy. And when she is not happy, she really will kick off and she does not respond to any amount of firm telling off or punishment (from me, anyway -she's a bit better for DH). She will do stuff like start crying if I turn the car a way she thinks she doesn't want to go, if she's in that sort of mood.

I try to let them go as long as possible with no entertainment, looking out of the window, chatting etc. In all fairness to the 3yo, when she's happy she will sing to herself. They have audio CDs they both like (but that's not so easy for you as I imagine it would be hard to find something yours would all want to listen to). I tend to do snacks/drinks when we stop. They will also choose one toy each to bring in the car (then argue over swapping them!). Longer journeys I bring more (try to find things they haven't played with for a while that they might have forgotten about) and hand them out as slowly as possible.

But I totally get how quickly and easily it can all break down. Eg today we did an hour and a half drive. The 3 year old asked for a mint. I told her I didn't have a mint. So she keeps asking me for a mint and I explain that I don't have a mint and therefore it is just not possible to give her one. Which makes her start screaming at the top of her voice for a mint and the 5 year-old is sitting with his hands over his ears. So I can see how that effect is magnified with more children: it's not just unpleasant for the parents when one child is kicking off; it's unpleasant for the other children too and is bound to make them feel grumpy even if they weren't already!

So - I think in conclusion, first you're definitely not doing something wrong, I think it is just luck of the draw with temperament and harder with a bigger number of DCs. I'd work out which are the more problematic ones and work on heading off their issues first ... but I think it may largely be a matter of waiting for them to grow up a bit!

Thanks everyone. I must admit this:

"She will do stuff like start crying if I turn the car a way she thinks she doesn't want to go, if she's in that sort of mood."

Made me laugh out loud, sorry - finally someone who has it worse than me!

You're spot on with the magnifying effect. It's like trying to keep a bubbling cauldron from simmering over. We're constantly trying to head off each individual child's particular issue, whilst balancing the needs of the others, to try to avoid complete car meltdown. It is rather wearing and stressful.

One recent tantrum was around the 'need' for a blanket due to cold legs. There were no blankets accessible. I looked around for a blanket substitute as the volume increased, gently imploring the dcs for calm and quiet, as baby was yet asleep. I even contemplated removing my own top, but decided against it, for the sake of fellow road users. There was no such item available. The tantrum was inevitable, despite turning the air con down and deploying every single distraction technique known to woman, including the fucking 'room on the broom' song by Julia Donaldson .

So:

1. Better planning ahead -think activity bags, pre-prepared journey-related quizzes and I-spy
2. Lego kits
3. Consider if ignoring more screaming might be an option skeptical
4. Get hardcore with threatening to go home, or stopping the car a lot not a chance
5. Drug them
6. Hire more story tapes/CDs from library in advance
7. Buy bigger car and/ or swap seats around if possible

8.go by train but not a pandolino because they make two of the dcs sick 9 fuck it and stay at home