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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think travelling in a car with small dcs is hell on earth?

121 replies

UnevenTan · 03/08/2013 21:15

Go on, tell me how you do it then!

I have dcs aged 1-8 years. We can manage a max of 45 mins to 1 and a quarter hours (only once per day) at one stint before at least one, and more often two of them are literally screaming, and/or shouting. We take snacks, drinks, sticker books, there are electronic devices (I.e DVD players for those aged 3yrs upwards). The screaming forces us to stop, and once stopped it's an hour or more like 1.5hrs before there's a hope in hell of getting going again for more than 5 mins before a repeat performance.

How on earth do people go on holiday to France or Scotland? Or even anywhere 3 bloody hours away?

Last time we did a 3hr journey it took 7.5hrs, and even then the baby literally screamed until puce for the last 25 mins. It was torture Sad.

I need to know what the secret is!

Ps please don't say travel at night, as (a) dh and I rarely get more than 5hrs of broken sleep a night, so too tired, and especially knackering the following day; (b) no-where to stop and go to loo or get coffee, and (c) last time we tried it, the oldest two stayed awake until we arrived at gone midnight.

OP posts:
Iaintdunnuffink · 04/08/2013 00:15

That made me laugh UnevenTan and has brought back memories of driving to Spain as a child.

UnevenTan · 04/08/2013 00:15

Oh and...

10 DO NOT have 4 dcs or be prepared to flog a couple on ebay once you've Sussex out which ones don't travel well

OP posts:
MsPickle · 04/08/2013 00:17

Active kids- we used to do a lot of ok car 'dancing', waving arms around etc. Could you devise a game that channels them fidgeting?

And if the older two would engage in a quiz, how about a spotter sheet for the 3 year old? Colours, shapes etc with one of those bingo dibber type pens/chunky pencil. Start with lampposts, things on your road (ie as soon as you set off). You could put flaps on it with treats underneath once spotting target reached, a snack, Shaun the sheep etc.

I'm one of 3 and our problems were complicated by the fact that the above idea would have had us all vomiting as we couldn't look at anything!

My two were about 4 months and 3.5 for my first solo longer distance drive which should be 1.5 hrs max. We started with a flat tyre which then meant we hit traffic, had a needing a poo situation but no toilets and I'd forgotten the Pottette. Minimal drinks/snacks cos it wasn't that far. Ended up with emergency mcd's stop only 30 mins from destination. Ds drunk whole orange juice which he then vomited 10 mins away from destination. This was, I'm glad to say, my parents, who were greeted by an exhausted me saying "bloody car sick" as I opened the door. They sorted him and the seats. Amazing.

I also think it's about dc's expectations of how long/why you're doing it. We did France when ds was 18 mths, charged back with one brief stop. Couldn't do that now he's not in nappies. He coped surprisingly well (helped by the fact he was knackered as he'd kept us up the night before hence late departure and dash) but when we had to put him back into the seat for a 5 min journey the next day he was unimpressed at volume. He looked so relieved to come out 5 mins rather than 7 hours later!!

cantspel · 04/08/2013 00:18

My youngest suffered from terrible travel sickness and nothing worked to stop it. You could bet a weeks wages that within 45 minutes of any journey he would be sick. He felt better after he had thrown up which would last for another 45 minutes then the cycle would start again. Looking at books, colouring in or any sort of screen would make him sick even quicker.
My older boy had no such problem and would be happy to look out the window on mile upon mile of moterway.

I think you are just lucky if you get kids that are happy to sit in a confined space for a few hours without fuss. Others are not so lucky and get kids to hate it and or suffer motion sickness.

UnevenTan · 04/08/2013 00:20

Ooooo good ideas pickle!

I am thanking my lucky stars we seem to have escaped car sickness. That would be hell on wheels. though surely they can't argue whilst vomiting at least?

OP posts:
springytotty · 04/08/2013 01:01

I even contemplated removing my own top, but decided against it, for the sake of fellow road users

that made me belly laugh and I've got a belly on me I tell you

sorry to say it, but I've done loads and loads of driving with my kids - not 4 though - even the south of france

Maybe I've been lucky - probably. I did put together rucksacks for each child which I collected for weeks prior to the journey. A bit like a christmas stocking, lots of bits and pieces, some big/expensive, some dead cheap (kids dont notice expense ime). Once strapped in, I handed them their rucksacks.

One car journey to the south of france was particularly memorable because I took all the camping equipment trying to save on eurocamp prices. Never. Again. and the kids were enveloped in clouds of bedding in the back. (I was also going through a rough time at the time and took some valerian with me... and the bottle broke so we drove all that way with the car smelling like, well, valerian [have you ever smelt valerian?? vom]]). at least we had the ferry in between.

My kids were used to being in the car though - I drove them for approx 40 mins each way morning and evening to and from school (we developed quite a relationship via the rear view mirror). Sounds like your kids aren't. Perhaps run them hoarse before the journey ie vigorous, vigorous exercise so they are exhausted and zonk off to sleep almost immediately.

What about a coach? Takes longer but you'd get there in the end you can move about, at least - and you could keep them separate. And the drone of the engine protects other passengers from your kids the screeching/squabbling etc. Small price to pay imo for a peaceful, if very long, journey.

OR you could charter a plane?

Getting one of them to 'help' read the map was good (pre satnav days). Road sign spotting was good - also good preparation for when they very much later in their lives took their driving tests. Story tapes were good (we had Joanna Lumley reading Enid Blyton with me snorting with derision at the sexism constantly and another Joanna Lumley one about a donkey). Harry Potter got us through many a french regionne but as Stephen Fry's voice made me feel sleepy we couldn't do it for long, being as I was the driver and our welfare was in my hands.

I once made the huge mistake of buying for a very long journey one of those whale sounds/pan pipes tapes you hear when you've got your face in that hole on an alternative therapist's couch. It sent my kids bonkers, one of them was trying to get out of the window. Don't buy a whale sounds/pan pipes tape for your journey.

Separate them front and back ie one in the front. One of you is just going to have to sit squashed between the car seats in the back, sorry.

GibberTheMonkey · 04/08/2013 01:13

We have a Chrysler voyager too so there is your answer

We have dc4 behind passenger, dc3 behind driver and the eldest two in the back. Mine are that little bit older now but dc1 was 7 when dc4 was 1. The answer doesn't have to be a smaller family, honestly Smile and mine definitely aren't docile and we do have to get very strict, especially with 2 who sits behind 3, winding them up by pulling their seatbelt etc but all in all they manage pretty well.

stopgap · 04/08/2013 01:16

We only drive at weekends, so our two-year-old isn't in the car a great deal. Ninety minutes is our absolute maximum for a single journey, and we try our best to time it with his nap. Thankfully we have some non-annoying CDs that he likes (Bob Marley, most acoustic stuff...) and break out a "Curious George" audiobook if all else fails.

He has never been good in the car or the stroller, and I'm not sure we'll be doing a three-hour trip at any point soon.

stopgap · 04/08/2013 01:21

To add, I'm not sure it's always a patience issue. Above two-year-old is fantastic to take out to restaurants, and has the patience to sit through lengthy story times and kids' plays.

There's just something about the confinement in the car or stroller that winds him up.

BrianTheMole · 04/08/2013 01:23

Less than 4dcs is the obvious answer

yes op, I think you're right. Two are fine, anymore than that, well I'd be in your position... No idea what the answer is to that, don't drive anywhere? Grin

Alisvolatpropiis · 04/08/2013 01:23

Yanbu.

I've yet to do this from the parenting side of things but distinctly remember hating long car journeys with my family.

Nobody likes them. Fact!

SuffolkNWhat · 04/08/2013 08:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VeryDullNameChange · 04/08/2013 08:50

I'm with the majority. I'm afraid the trick is to a) have children who are good at long car journeys b) have a small number of children to minimise the chance that you get ONS of the other sort. Sorry.

We are not brilliant MN-approved super disciplinarians. DD gets slightly travel sick and DS has ASD, and their behaviour is frequently shockingly bad (I used to be an expert at the "one under each arm like a rolled up carpet" method of leaving shops, playgrounds etc). We only ever use the car for long journeys, so they're not used to it.

But we strap them in their car seats, put on a CD and they just sit there looking out the window for hours at a time. It's like an off switch, and heaven knows we do know how lucky we are. (We do chat to them as well, we're not that crap at parenting, but the point is that we don't have to).

soverylucky · 04/08/2013 08:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoffinMum · 04/08/2013 09:17

A Renault Grand Scenic works well as a 7-seater, as the insurance isn't too bonkers and the spare seats in the boot are not right up against the rear windscreen, you still have a bit of a boot with them up.

Sometimes it makes sense to have something to give kids at strictly defined half hour intervals, so they get a sense of time and also get distracted. Half the problem is not having a clue how long they have to endure the situation, I think. Another strategy some people use is to give them a simple map and mark the route, where you are stopping and so on.

I used to prepare a little surprise travel pack for each child with drink, snack, sick bag (you can even buy little kits online with a bag and a wet wipe, or nick them off ferries/planes), magazine, little toy, colouring books and crayons, etc. All new and exciting pound shop type stuff. Everyone would routinely get a neck pillow and little blanket for a longer trip as well. Basically I would top load efforts so there was nothing left for them to ask for. I did this for plane and train trips too.

You can also get little lollipops to keep in the glovebox that car sick children can suck to take away the nausea. Travelling with an emergency hazchem kit with granules that soak up vomit/diarrhoea, gloves and an apron is a brilliant strategy and stop the car reeking, if the worst does happen, I keep spare pants, wet wipes and socks permanently in one of the storage bins under the front seats, play things are permanently kept in another one near the kids (for spontaneous restaurant outings), and another one contains my emergency car things such as spare bulbs, torch and warning triangle, so they are not at the bottom of a fully packed boot. I always have a bottle of water with a sports top stashed away, as well. I have bags tucked away for sick encrusted clothes that can go into the washing machine along with the clothes, so you don't have to empty the bag. We also have travel tissues, the most generously stocked first aid kid known to man with all sorts of tablets and potions, and a spare Radar key for DS2. My car is like mission control, tbh.

I've equipped older children variably with Walkmans, iPods, DSs and portable DVD players, which has worked well too. I keep a spare set of headphones in the car, and a splitter.

We stop every two hours and every time someone gets distressed or stiff (usually me!) I often map out nice service stations and so on beforehand. I tend towards generosity in the service station shop and cafe.

Bribery is good too. Brief them beforehand about behaviour expectations, then explain what wonderful thing will happen if they manage to keep quiet and also distract any babies nicely during the trip. Also try explaining very simply about what it's like driving and potential risks if it kicks off in the back (I managed to crash once whilst yelling at DD to shut up and stop distracting me, that certainly sobered her up fast and she was an angel after that! Not my finest hour, though). I think even with stroppy children if you actively train them to understand what is going on and what is required of them, you can improve things, but this needs to be done outside the car as well as within it.

BoffinMum · 04/08/2013 09:26

Purple Turtle have everything you could imagine to help with travel sickness.

Purple Turtle

orangeandemons · 04/08/2013 09:38

Travel sickness pills calm them down a bit.

MrsHoarder · 04/08/2013 09:49

Only got a 14mo. He improved immensly in the car when we got the stage 1 rf carseat and he was able to see out of the rear window.

But we do long journeys at least once a month for family reasons and he just had to get used to it. We did have a few trips where we were stopped in the services for over an hour, and there was one memorable trip when I blew raspberries for 45 minutes without a break, but generally we are just calm and firm and get on with it.

Emilythornesbff · 04/08/2013 10:05

It varies with our DCs. They are used to the car because we live a couple of hours away from everyone. But sometimes they struggle. I hate it when they cry. Poor little mites. If we're moving, not too bad. Turning a corner to face a traffic jam fills me with cold dread. I do feel for them, they're just stuck there aren't they.
As a child (in the reckless 70s ) my DSis and I could lay down or move about. I'm sure that made it easier (yet dangerous obviously)

WetGrass · 04/08/2013 10:09

We have family South of France. DH tends to drive & I'm full time car manager. In fact - we'll do 1,500miles over the next two weeks (!) so this is pertinent!

My way:

  1. I don't start drives at night (as someone says above - that means the parents are a nights sleep behind the DC!) . I start at dawn - while the kids are still groggy with sleep in their eyes. I find we can get as far as the Chunnel before they even fully tune in to the day.

  2. I fight the temptation to take lots of food 'treats' with me. Everyone feels dreadful after a day of salty sugary junk food. I pack easy, portable healthy food - that it hard to acquire on the road. Lots of corn on the cob/cucumber etc etc.

  3. I accept that the car will be trashed, and feed the DC substantial meals in the car. They are already conditioned to sit still for meals (so it feels like sitting to eat - not just sitting & waiting). It also means more mad-dog running around at the destination.

  4. Sing-a-long songs - but not fecking wheels on the fecking bus. Samba or Pop or Reggae or other such. The trick is a loud thumping base beat which (IME) sends the baby straight to sleep.

  5. Be honest up front that there will be no 'day' beyond the drive..... We used to measure time in DVDs (3 films to Nannas - with breaks it was just about the right length & they could choose one each). Our DVD player is kaput now, though - and it hasn't been the blow I feared.

  6. As upthread - hold treats & toys back & release a new wave hourly.

  7. I get them to language learn on the trip (again - they're already conditioned to sit on their bum when they're learning at school).

  8. Babies can be fairly grim. I had one memorable trip with 5 DC in the back (3 mine & 2 cousins) - I didn't want to stop much, because all of the service station seemed to invite the DC to play on tiny scraps of grass right next to Autoroute - and I wasn't 100% confident in younger niece not running off... DS2 was 4 mo exclusively bf. What I ended up doing was AVENT pumping milk for him as I drove, and continually swapping his bottle/pump bottle - so that he basically cluster fed to South of France!

  9. I set down high expectations up front. As in: we are few & you are many. If the behaviour deteriorates - we have to pull over to deal with it - and the trip will be much, much longer. I require them to be co-operative in the back. If they bicker - I suggest that we pull over, the adults have a nap - and the DC slug it out. I use emotional manipulation advisedly - but IME the older siblings are the best placed to - for example - give the baby some attention, or initiate a game.

10)Mine like to play 'Worlds' where they each imagine a magical place - and then interview each other "What do people eat in your world; do people have magical powers in your world; how to people speak in your world". It sounds lame - but (particularly) the younger DC are really flattered by having the undivided attention of the whole family while they explain their thing - and it's not competitive or complicated.

UnevenTan · 04/08/2013 10:17

Thank you so much for these wonderful tips! I am taking note and am sure some will help.

However, this comment made me laugh out loud:

"We stop every two hours and every time someone gets distressed or stiff (usually me!)"

Welcome to the crux of the problem Smile. 2 of my children get v distressed in the car, fairly quickly and not necessarily at the same time. It is this that causes 3 hrs of driving to take 7.5hrs!! This just confirms that some families/ages must be easier than others. It is not that I am slack on the discipline, it's that driving with alternating distressed (screaming) children is v hard.

OP posts:
Ledkr · 04/08/2013 10:21

We are in France ATM after a pretty long journey.
We stop for breaks and have the usual whining and bordom.
We have a DVD player and CDs etc but I always feel sorry for dd strapped rigidly in a car seat for hours.
We have a five hr drive to ferry then five hr ferry then 2 hrs home on Sunday. Already dreading it tbh.

pussinwellyboots · 04/08/2013 10:23

We've got 2 ds aged 5 and 3. The 3 year old in particular can be very hard work and at aged 18 months became Houdini with his car seat. The only way to do journeys longer than 20 mins was for me to sit between them in the back while Dh drove. Now they're a but better but we have very long journey to visit my family. the plan now is to split up the journey with long stops at,a national trust place where they can run around. But we're usually pretty glad to reach our destination!

Ledkr · 04/08/2013 10:26

How do you discipline a baby fgs?
I can confirm that it's the child. My 3ds were always content on long journeys, my dds are less so.
Dds didn't like the car from birth really.
Dd1 came to India and Mexico with me as a toddler and enjoyed the in flight movies and the food and her backpack of stuff to play with. Dd2 is a toddler and I have no intention of taking her on a plane at anytime soon as she simply cannot sit still.

pussinwellyboots · 04/08/2013 10:42

We've got 2 ds aged 5 and 3. The 3 year old in particular can be very hard work and at aged 18 months became Houdini with his car seat. The only way to do journeys longer than 20 mins was for me to sit between them in the back while Dh drove. Now they're a but better but we have very long journey to visit my family. the plan now is to split up the journey with long stops at,a national trust place where they can run around. But we're usually pretty glad to reach our destination!

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