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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not understand why 'no pain relief' in childbirth is a source of pride?

352 replies

bronya · 02/08/2013 12:31

I accept that some people hurt more than others when giving birth, but surely, it's not clever to go without pain relief if you need it? If you want it and can't get it, I feel for you. If you choose one variety over another, that is your choice. Equally, if your body simply doesn't hurt enough to need it, then aren't you lucky!

How is the whole screaming in agony for hours on end, a GOOD thing? I just don't see it. Pain relief is available, why not have it?????

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 02/08/2013 12:34

Perhaps because they don't want it?

Just thought.

LRDYaDumayuIThink · 02/08/2013 12:37

Forgive me, because I haven't had children, but I just wanted to say something my mum told me that stayed with me. She actually had to argue like mad in order not to get the pain relief when she had me, and she didn't want it because she knew it made her feel spaced out and unpleasant. She said it was such an effort constantly arguing with the midwife while she was in labour, that yes, it definitely did feel like an achievement to have managed not to get it!

So might that be a reason?

I don't think she thought it was that she was somehow tougher than someone who felt more pain, it was just that there was immense pressure on her to have this stuff she didn't want.

Altinkum · 02/08/2013 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

youmeatsix · 02/08/2013 12:38

I didnt have any, through any of my 3 births, never thought of it as a source of pride, more of a failing on my part. i never take any pain meds (ANY meds) as i am scared, and i mean genuinely scared of side effects, so i soldiered on through each birth. I didnt feel any sense of pride or achievement over it, just exhausted like any new mother who has just given birth, until i came on here, i never knew there was any stigma surrounding it. no one in my RL ever talked about it

Cailinsalach · 02/08/2013 12:38

My Mum used to boast that she brought both my brother and I into the world without any pain relief. She crowed about it. She thought I was useless having an epidural and gas and pethidene....(I would have taken a bottle of hard liquor and bitten down on a leather strap if it had eased the pain).
I never got why she thought she was better than me at this mothering malarkey.

Crannog · 02/08/2013 12:38

I suspect that people are proud of having not needed pain relief rather than struggled through when they did need it. People are proud of so many things that could theoretically hurt the feeling of people who did not do the same things.

Eg I am proud of conceiving my babies naturally, of pushing first baby out in a very few number of pushes despite an epidural, for giving up bf first baby, for producing one boy and one girl, for bf my second baby...

They list goes on and on and on. It had nothing to do with people who didn't do any of the above. Just happiness in what I did. That's allowed isn't it?

NotYoMomma · 02/08/2013 12:39

I have an extreme needle phobia and had therapy and hypnotherapy and luckily a low risk birth

I still had gas and air and had said I would have other pain relief but not be pressured due to phobia.

I would never post about it on fb or anything though,

I think it just feeds into the myth that women who do have more pain relief or cs or epidurals have somehow 'failed' when they haven't at all

the harshest judge of women and mothers is sadly women and mothers

pro choice all the way

thebody · 02/08/2013 12:39

its up to the person labouring and no one else's business is it.

what pisses me off far more are women unable to access good pain relief if they ask for it.

I think pain relief in labour is as valid as any other painful incidents.

'the level of pain is what the patient tells you it is' as our old nursing tutour used to say.

MrsLettuce · 02/08/2013 12:39

Producing a child from ones body, regardless of method, seems like a reasonable reason to be proud Hmm

MoreCrackThanHarlem · 02/08/2013 12:40

I admire those who manage their pain naturally.
I would have loved to have a natural birth but was just too frightened.

Epidurals and other drugs increase the need for intervention, so medically, a natural birth is better. If I had managed labour without pain relief I would be extremely proud of myself.

I don't feel guilty for asking for the epidural, but I think women that manage without are very brave.

Original poster
bronya · 02/08/2013 12:40

Now you see, I get the bit about some people not wanting it. I just don't get why not having it is something to boast about iyswim.

OP posts:
ThePowerof3 · 02/08/2013 12:40

I felt the most proud of my third pain relief free birth because I felt so calm and self assured that it turned out to be my best birth experience ever, do I go around regaling others with it, no but I'm always going to treasure the memory myself

JakeBullet · 02/08/2013 12:40

It's more a case of "lucky you" as it was not so painful for you. I stor fly believe that labour is just less painful for sme women.

jumperooo · 02/08/2013 12:41

Induced, back to back forceps delivery here. My DH had to BEG for me to have anything stronger than paracetamol and g&a.

dufflefluffle · 02/08/2013 12:42

I firmly believe that some people consider it a badge of honour to go through childbirth with no drugs. I know plenty of them and some say how disapproving they are of mothers who use drugs to alleviate the pain. Years ago my neighbour had an emergency section and felt she had failed because of the medical intervention. I think that indicts how wrong our general attitude towards giving birth. A very good friend frequently boasts how she had no pain relief and never gave her dc a bottle (breastfed) - all in the one breath as in it all goes hand in hand!

PoppyAmex · 02/08/2013 12:42

It's a personal choice and nobody's business (in fact, I don't understand why people should feel the need to share such intimate details, but to each their own).

The harsh reality is nobody (including your baby) gives a shit about how you choose to manage birth. Honest to god, they really don't.

jumperooo · 02/08/2013 12:42

Beg the nurses, that is

CheeseFondueRocks · 02/08/2013 12:42

Well, I decided for many reasons before the birth that I didn't want any meds in labour and I'm proud I managed to stick with my plans (with encouragement from the midwife) when things got very intense and I was doubting my choice.

I am aware that this needed some luck as if I had needed forceps or something lie that, I couldn't have avoided it.

I am still proud that I achieved the birth I wanted through luck and sheer determination. Why should I not be proud of myself?

Whothefuckfarted · 02/08/2013 12:42

Oh god Yawn about this type of thread today..

You don't get a medal for not having pain relief so if you want it, have it. I had gas and air and 1/2 shot of pethidine during mine.

Some women want to do it without, and feel proud for achieving it.

Stop raining on their parade, and get over it. What's your problem?

maja00 · 02/08/2013 12:42

Giving birth is really hard. Giving birth without any pain relief is even harder. Why wouldn't you be proud of avoiding drugs if that was important to you?

It's a bit like, some people are proud of running a marathon. I have no desire to run a marathon and think it's crazy to run 26 miles when you could get the bus, however - I still understand why someone would be proud to achieve something difficult.

Preggersandmelting · 02/08/2013 12:42

Why shouldn't I feel proud? It's got nothing to do with you or anyone else. I had no pain relief because I knew I didn't want it-that was my decision but I am proud of myself for managing without it.
I don't care what other people do in labour and don't think less or more of them because of their personal choices.
But don't tell me I can't be proud of myself-mind your business!

sillymillyb · 02/08/2013 12:43

I was desperate for pain relief but couldn't have any due to short labour - I don't feel I brag, in fact, I think I talked about it because I was so traumatised by the experience (episiotomy forceps and crash team needed as ds was in distress then got stuck) I feel that it was a pertinent part of my birth story because it made such an impact on me, if that makes sense? For the record, if I ever am brave enough to have another child I am doing it on the condition I can have the bloody drugs!!

sadlovedgirl · 02/08/2013 12:44

I got to the hospital, was examined, was told I was 9 1/2 cm dilated, I asked for pain relief and was told no it was too late!
DD2 was born 1/2 hour later and I felt that I recovered better (and quicker) than I had done when I had DD1 and had everything under the sun!

That's just me tho Smile

CheeseFondueRocks · 02/08/2013 12:44

However, I wouldn't go around telling people they had failed if they needed pain relief. Everyone is different.

Wuxiapian · 02/08/2013 12:46

With DS1, I took every drug offered. It was a horrendous experience and I only have horrific flashbacks about it.

With DS2, I was adamant to do it naturally, with no pain relief. And I did - faltering once or twice and asking for epidural, but I had a brilliant Midwife, who knew that wasn't what I wanted and, all in all, I had a very good birthing experience.

Individual choice, OP.