To not understand why 'no pain relief' in childbirth is a source of pride?

[bronya]

I accept that some people hurt more than others when giving birth, but surely, it's not clever to go without pain relief if you need it? If you want it and can't get it, I feel for you. If you choose one variety over another, that is your choice. Equally, if your body simply doesn't hurt enough to need it, then aren't you lucky!

How is the whole screaming in agony for hours on end, a GOOD thing? I just don't see it. Pain relief is available, why not have it?????

You've got little imagination or empathy if you can't imagine why anyone would want to push themselves to achieve something that was extremely difficult.

I had my second child drug free, despite five days of contractions, and her being brow presentation with the cord wrapped round her neck three times. I was not just lucky, it was a fucking marathon of pain, fear, endurance and mental agility to keep positive and keep going. And the euphoria and sense of self worth and power was so incredibly worth it! It's just a fucking shame I had a hemoerage 5 mins after and had to get a transfusion, catheter etc etc. felt like utter shit physically for a while after. But mentally was euphoric.

Being completely drug free as you have you baby is incredible. Feeling my daughter's body pass through mine was incredibly real, raw and visceral. I remember thinking I could feel every bone of her, even her ears. And I remember reaching down and feeling her eyes and eyebrows coming out first. It was an incredible incredible experience, one I'm glad to have had. My first birth I had a shot of pethidine and gas and air, and it was a spacey unreal adventure. Still memorable and amazing but not as incredible

I have met some women who get a bit boasty about not having had pain relief but they'd boast about having licked their own envelope, so I ignore them!

I'm not proud of my completely pain relief-free birth. I'm really happy that that's what I got but it was merely a mix of genetics and luck.

What I am proud of is breastfeeding. It was very, very difficult and I really had to soldier on through a lot of pain. I would have given birth every day in preference. I am proud because I stuck it out, I usually give up when things get difficult but I was determined to carry on. DD was exclusively BF until 7 months, has never had formula and I am still feeding her at 3.5 (although considerably less enthusiastic about it now !)

I am very proud of having given birth with no pain relief whatsoever.

I don't care what pain relief anyone else chose/chooses to have.

Having a baby with no pain relief doesn't make me better than anyone else. But it does make me very proud that I completed such an epic feat all by myself.

It also makes me all the more sad and disappointed that DC3 will likely be born via ELCS due to complications outside of my control :(

i think some women work very hard at managing the pain and panic because they want a drug-free birth so it's not necessarily because they have a less painful birth that they don't use drugs.
i'd have felt very proud of myself if i'd managed it and i'm impressed when women do manage the pain without drugs.

I'm unlikely to ever climb a mountain, run a marathon or walk the gear wall of china. But I wouldn't think anyone who had and was proud of it was boastful, lucky or strange. I'd think they we're amazing, interesting and impressive.

YY fish. It really is quite belittling when people say "you managed a pain-relief-free birth so therefore yours must have been less painful than mine".

Personally, I worked really hard to stick to my wish of not wanting pain relief, despite almost giving in a couple of times.

I would never say to someone who did need pain relief, "I managed a drug-free birth so therefore you must be a bit pathetic", because it's just not true. Neither is it true that those of us who choose drug-free deliveries have an 'easy time' and just don't need pain relief.

Yes probably because for lots of women who do it it's really hard and they have to be brave to get through it. Some women have a harder time than others physically and mentally. There are so many factors at play in most birth scenarios that its a very individual experience.

However I had a planned C section for low lying placenta and being a virtual senior citizen(!) and I am thoroughly relieved that the baby was fine and I didn't have to go through agony to get it. I'm sure id be proud of myself if I'd done it the natural way but i dont feel cheated or slighted by pals who tell me their natural birth stories - I'm just delighted to have my dc!

Also, I don't expect other people to be impressed with me for a drug-free delivery. Oddly enough, it's not something I talk about much!

yes but fishmonkey its your sort of comments that insinuate that women who did have pain relief or non natural instrumental deliveries etc didn't work 'very hard'.

Its not as black and white as that - I've seen loads of natural deliveries, instrumental deliveries, ventouse, forceps etc and believe me all the women are working bloody hard. I really think it is luck of the draw, how your baby is positioned, the shape of your pelvis etc as to what sort of delivery you get etc.

I didn't have pain relief but I was seriously fucked off when someone text me to say she was glad to hear of someone having a 'nice easy' delivery - it was not the right thing to text to someone after they had just given birth - EASY, EASY!!

Second birth was g&a only, first was everything under the sun. If I'd had the experience I had with DD1 without pain relief there is no way I could have faced having DD2. As it was, the curcumstances were totally different- the second was bareable without pain relief (pain wasn't torturous, I'm sure most people could have coped, it wasn't me being brave), the other included a trip to the HDU and I couldn't have coped at all without the epidural.

To me it's sometimes the implication that if you took pain relief, you did so because you were doing something wrong. I don't mean that to criticise anyone who is happy that they had a drug-free labour, but there from some people there is that implied sense - such as

Anthracite It takes a lot of psychological effort and drive... Many women prefer to deny their own comfort for the sake of their baby

How I read that comment, the implication is that people who accepted pain relief just didn't have the requisite drive and chose their own 'comfort' over how their baby might feel. On a bad day you can take comments like that to mean you were just being selfish and lazy.

The problem is no one knows how labour felt for anyone other than themselves, it is impossible to compare pain levels and tiredness, so really no one should be able to pass comment on anyone else's decision.

Though, of course, the real problem is that how a baby is born is considered something that women can either beat themselves up about or be smug about.

Firstly noone should ever feel as though they've failed.

Some people strive to have no pain relief because we are told it makes things more straightforward, less likely for intervention and quicker recovery.

I had no pain relief and feel 'proud' for my own personal reasons.

'Friends' told me nothing but horror stories of birth throughout my pregnancy, they pretty much convinced me it was the worst experience in the world and I'd probably die or never get over the trauma, I then went into labour early and unexpectedly quickly

Hospital refused to believe I was even in Labour, refused me pain relief as it was too 'early' they put me on a ward with nothing after trying to send me home.

Ds was born 2 hours later after crowning for a good while.

I do feel proud in a way that despite everything, I managed to give birth to a healthy baby boy basically all on my own, because literally the only support I had was the last 5 minutes of pushing when they realised he was coming and rushed me to the delivery suite.

I'd never criticize anyone else for their choices or experiences, but we should all feel bloody proud and stop criticising other women, threads like this don't help.

I feel proud that despite being offered pain relief injections continually during both births, I didn't have any.
I don't want a medal, I don't want to shout about it, I simply didn't need it and was able to communicate that. I felt I could manage the pain/discomfort myself and this made me feel really positive.

Childbirth is often portrayed as screaming/pain/awful experience. Some people have this experience, some people don't. We can have lots of choices, or everything can be completely out of our control.

If I had decided to opt for a medicalised birth things my experience would have been quite different that the one I had following my chosen "natural" route, which I had prepared for. Yes I was fortunate that with both births medical intervention wasn't necessary.

I can feel proud of A) making my choices and B) sticking to them when the hospital staff were pressuring me to have drugs I didn't feel were necessary. WTF is wrong with that?

BTW for me "drug free" includes using air and gas. :) It's my own personal definition. Others might not class that as "drug free". I really don't care.

Again, people are assuming a drug free birth is only possible if the birth is short and easy. Thats not my experience at all and judging by other comments on this thread I'm not alone.

I don't make assumptions on other women based on their birth choices, why do some assume my births must have been easy as if they weren't I would have been screaming for drugs? I'm not going to list all the factors that made my births difficult, it's irrelevant really. But they weren't easy. I don't look for validation, I chose to refuse pain relief and am happy with my decision, I don't need praise or acknowledgment. However I can't understand the need to justify one's own choices by minimising the experiences of others.

So what if you used pain relief? It doesn't make much difference in the grand scheme of things, just be proud you gave birth by whatever means and don't feel the need to justify your choice by comparing your birth to anyone else's.

I'm just proud that after years of infertility and my body doing all it could to ruin everything, I got to be a mother.

And I had all three by planned Caesarian at my request.

The alternative to pain relief needn't be "screaming in agony for hours on end". Some people experience pain differently, and some people have more straightforward labours.

I think it's understandable that a woman might feel inwardly proud that she managed to push out a baby without being medicated, even if that was due to stuff beyond her control. I do agree that it's not something one should bang on about to anyone except nearest and dearest though.

Maybe it is the use of the word 'pride or proud' that is the issue. To be proud of yourself means that you are "exultantly aware of the credit due to or reflected on yourself".

Perhaps it would be better to say that it is fine to feel a sense of achievement if you wanted to be pain relief free during your birth & you achieve that - rather than you want to boast about it.

I had no pain relief for one of my DCs but I can honestly say that I don't feel proud or that I get some huge sense of achievement - it was just the way that particular birth happened. The only thing I feel about my births is grateful that I had healthy babies & a huge sense of relief I won't ever be doing it again!

I desperately wanted a drug free birth. And for the first 48 hours it was....

BUT DD had other ideas and was back to back and also mal-presented. She needed ventouse to turn her so the top of her head was presenting rather than her ear, and then needed forceps when her shoulders got stuck (still back to back).

I couldn't pee for 3 days and even now still don't like to think about the tear I had on top of the episiotomy.

Drugs? I had the LOT! DD was then very very spaced out and shivery for a good week as a result I think.

Not my fault, not her fault, just luck of the draw.

I must admit when I did my first NCT class there were a lot of unrealistic expectations about pain relief and people claiming they didnt want to be spaced out and it was better for the baby etc. Half of the group ended up having a C section

A very wise doctor said to me that the time to decide whether you want pain relief is when you are in pain. Of course there are circumstances when you are so far gone that you cannot have any but generally I thought that good advice.

Of course you could fib and say you didnt have any when you did......

Good post, PostBellum, and that definition of pride has explained to me why something about the word was rankling with me. Obviously a lot of this debate is going to depend on your own understanding of the word 'pride'. Feeling very happy and glad that you had the birth that you wanted is amazing and I hope most women get to experience that. Using the term 'feeling proud' obviously suggests to some people exactly the phrase you've used, that extra credit is due to them.

I didn't have pain relief except G&A as it was a very quick labour and I nearly gave birth in the MAC! Afterwards in the post natal ward there was a v young mum who also hasn't been taken seriously and didn't even have G&A! She rang all her friends & family, loudly, on her mobile, to tell them "Yeah I had the baby raw. Caveman style!"

Could not, no, would not want to even start to imagine a child birth without pain relief.

Women, who style themselves as Mother-Heroes simply because they refused pain relief are rather deluded.

Or perhaps they need validation so desperately that anything goes, anything that makes them feel slightly better about themselves.

Each their own, it doesn't matter an iota how the baby was born as long as it was born.

Each their own, it doesn't matter an iota how the baby was born as long as it was born.

And yet, ThreeMusketeers, your slightly snide and totally one-sided post suggests entirely otherwise.

Having read pages of snide remarks about pain relief, it was to be expected