To not understand why 'no pain relief' in childbirth is a source of pride?

[bronya]

I accept that some people hurt more than others when giving birth, but surely, it's not clever to go without pain relief if you need it? If you want it and can't get it, I feel for you. If you choose one variety over another, that is your choice. Equally, if your body simply doesn't hurt enough to need it, then aren't you lucky!

How is the whole screaming in agony for hours on end, a GOOD thing? I just don't see it. Pain relief is available, why not have it?????

[TobyLerone]

Justify it however you like. Just don't lie and say it doesn't matter to you when it so clearly does.

[SoniaGluck]

Women, who style themselves as Mother-Heroes simply because they refused pain relief are rather deluded.

Or perhaps they need validation so desperately that anything goes, anything that makes them feel slightly better about themselves.

Whatever.

[ThreeMusketeers]

It doesn't matter to me what other do with their bodies. It does not.
It irritates me if the choice to have a pain relief during birth is deemed as a 'failure'.
It irritates me because it is idiotic.

[exoticfruits]

I had quick, easy births with no pain relief- it isn't something that I was 'proud' about- it was sheer good luck.

[TobyLerone]

Has anyone on this thread called anyone else's birth a 'failure'?

[exoticfruits]

It is idiotic , ThreeMusketeers, it makes women feel guilty and it really doesn't matter.

[exoticfruits]

They start threads, Toby, saying they feel a failure. They plan the 'perfect' birth and are then disappointed when it doesn't go according to plan. Much simpler not to have a plan.

[LynetteScavo]

I think people mentioning they needed no pain relief is more to do with relief, than pride.

Saying someone suffered during labour,screaming in agony, avoiding pain relief because they just didn't want it is just silly. When it hurts that much you need it.

I speak as someone who had the most painful labour ever. (I don't care what you all say, my pain was the worst any woman has ever experienced and I really bloody needed that epidural) and also a labour where I didn't need gas and air, because there was no pain.

[Minifingers]

I went through the whole of my pregnancy not eating Brie or drinking alcohol. Not wanting to expose my baby to opioids so that it spent its first few hours in the world in a state of sedation was just a continuation of this. Ditto not wanting to increase the likelihood of having to need baby pulled out with instruments, hence not wanting epidural.

Labour pain is agonising but it's over when it's over, and I was well motivated and well supported to get through it without drugs once I'd made a decision to do this.

[Minifingers]

As for deciding whether you want pain relief when you're in pain - err no. If you don't want pain relief then make birth choices which optimise your chance of getting through labour without needing it: choose a homebirth, get a doula or an independent midwife, go to a birth centre staffed by midwives skilled at supporting women through drug free births, try to arrange access to a birth pool. Statistically, choosing these options appears to increase your chance of a drug free labour.

[fishandmonkey]

no one is MAKING you feel guilty if you have pain relief. those are your own emotions and you are responsible for them.
and some people do just want an easy ride during labour - i'm not judging but that is the case. i don't know what the deal is with the nhs because i had my baby at a private hospital, but there were plenty of women at my hospital that got their epidural as soon as active labour began and practically slept through the whole thing. they were not ashamed, did not feel like failures and don't feel the need to defend their choices. that's the birth they chose. it required very little preparation and effort compared to for instance my sil who practiced hypnotherapy for months in advance and managed to have a back-to-back birth after a 3 day labour with no drugs. i'm impressed by the stamina of the woman.
i say well bloody done to those of you who managed it without drugs (no hidden massages in that statement to those of you who didn't - but i'm sure some of you will read some into it anyway).

[Thurlow]

Of course, not all women chose to have pain relief purely because of the level of pain they are in. If your labour is very long, and you've spent the better part of two days contracting, not resting, not eating and not drinking, exhaustion kicks in too and some form of pain relief can offer much needed respite.

I chose to have an epidural because after 36 hours with no rest or food and struggling to keep water down, I knew I was hitting a level of exhaustion where, with obviously still hours to go, I needed to try and get some respite and try and regain a little bit of strength before it got to the pushing stage. The level of pain was manageable. The length of time it had gone on was not.

[jammiedonut]

I certainly don't feel proud about the lack of pain relief, I reserve my pride for the beautiful boy that I made :-) I got 13 hours into my labour and BEGGED for pain relief, in any form. The anaesthetist refused due to my past history of allergic reactions. They simply weren't willing to risk it. It was absolutely heartbreaking and took a good few hours for the panic to subside and for me to regain control. Any woman who can go through labour/ birth a baby/ deal with the recovery aswell as a newborn deserves to be proud, and no one should take that away from them.

[rowtunda]

fishandmonkey I think you probably have a warped view of others peoples birth experiences based on your comments. I very much doubt that anyone 'sleeps through' labour even if they have an epidural. Oh, of course you can have general anaesthetic for emergency c/s but surely you wouldn't accuse those women of just 'wanting an easy ride'.

I find your comments very insulting and judgmental to a hell of alot of women.

[Allegrogirl]

rowtunda I slept through my contractions when on an epidural. I got ripped to shreds when pushing as I had no control over what I was doing, numb from the waist down.

Just had G&A next. Syntocin induced and agony but at least I could walk afterwards.

[fishandmonkey]

rowtunda these are women i know. one of whom skyped me whilst in labour, laughing and joking. if my view is warped then so is theirs because i'm basing my view on their personal accounts. i slept when i had my epidural. totally pain-free transition. it was a hell of a lot easier than the previous 12 hours had been.

[maja00]

I also know someone who gave birth privately and had a epidural from first twinge onwards. And why not?

I slept for a couple of hours at 8cm+ and they only woke me up to push.

[fishandmonkey]

rowtunda i'm sorry that you feel insulted and judged. that was not my intention at all.

[LynetteScavo]

Minifingers, I agree with you that choosing the options you mentioned Statistically, choosing the options you mentioned appears to increase the chance of a drug free labour, but when a woman finds themselves in an unfamiliar,scary hospital environment, with a terrified partner and uncaring staff by no fault of her own, she shouldn't feel bad for needing pain relief. You have just made me feel really, really bad about the labour I had 14 years ago. I did everything I could to ensure my baby had the best start in life. And I needed that epidural. I had nightmares afterwards about what would have happened if I couldn't have had it. I'm actually shocked at how bad your post has made me feel.

[Hulababy]

I just treated the list of pain relief as a menu - tried the lot! :D Is that not what I was supposed to do then? ;)

Seriously though - I'm no wuss, but I was in pain. And the induction went on for 50 hours. Pain, with sickness - sorry, but there is no reason for me to be in that amount of pain - and so after a while, once I had thought straight, I had pain relief. It didn't cure it all but boy did it help! And meant that when I ended up with a cs not much more had to be done to prep me.

[Hulababy]

"no one is MAKING you feel guilty if you have pain relief. those are your own emotions and you are responsible for them."


Can I point out - statements like that are a load of rubbish. People can and do make others feel guilty or unhappy. Normally the person using such a statement is the one saying something they know is hurtful Not necessarily in this case - not read it all - but pretty often it is. Yes, people have their own emotions - but others can most definite be the cause of bringing those emotions to the front!

[ThisWayForCrazy]

Because I didn't need it??

[PoppyAmex]

So now we're comparing inflicting conditions such as toxoplasmosis or alcohol fetal syndrome to pain relief? FFS

Yeah, no smugness or judgement there.

[honeytea]

I think that it is fine if women feel proud about giving birth without pain relief. If a woman sets themself a goal and succeeds then she is entitled to be proud. It is her personal goal and it doesn't mean that those women who have a different goal are wrong/bad mothers but they shouldn't resent a woman feeling proud of herself.

I liken it to friends who have run marathons, I have neither the skill or inclination to run a marathon but I don't resent those who do. I had no intention to give birth with out pain relief ( I had gas and air and a mobile epidural) but I have huge respect for those women who manage a pain relief free birth.

[fishandmonkey]

hulababy you are wrong