Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 22 23

AIBU?

AIBU to refuse MIL & FIL to stay in our home while we're abroad for 3 weeks?

553 replies

lineup · 30/07/2013 19:38

Just found out that MIL has asked DH if they could stay in our house while we're on hols in August & he has agreed - I've only just found out

I'm not having it - trying to get DH to phone them to say sorry it's just too short notice, another time would be best

FFS - she is very snoopy - i dont trust her one bit, so AIBU?

why would I allow her to stay here whilst I'm not here? Bloody cheeky of her to ask in the first place

OP posts:

Report

cocolepew · 30/07/2013 21:16

My MIL came into my flat when DH and I went holiday. We were just married and DH wasn't even on the mortgage yet. FIL was decorating for us. She rearranged EVERYTHING. Kitchen cupboards, hot press, all rooms including my bedroom. She had even moved the double bed. Throw most of my make up away and left my pills on top of the pillow. Went through my personal papers and threw away everything she thought wasn't important, which was basically everything. Mortgage stuff, payslips, P60's, insurances.
I collected Prince records, the collection was worth a bit of money. She moved all the records into a cupboard that had heating pipes running through it. Then turned our heating on, this was July, and warped them all.

Funnily enough I wouldn't want my MIL in the house for three weeks either .

lineup · 30/07/2013 21:16

it's amproblem because it's knid of MIL will have free reign over OUR NEST to look at where we keep things, what is what etc etc and it's just creepy - the boundary is in place with her, yes I respect her, I have never fallen out with her, but I PREFER to keep a distance in the relationship, to keep it fresh, rather than claustrophobic where she can have had a chance to check my drawers/use my toiletries/use my home as though it was hers

it's just creepy

OP posts:

cjel · 30/07/2013 21:18

Hes putting her in a horrbile position - she has 2 dcs is 9wks pregnant and the day be fore they go on holiday she has to get the house ready for visitors and put all stuff she wouldn't want them to see somewhere safe? its her house too. How is that fair?

phantomnamechanger · 30/07/2013 21:19

Oh dear, he's putting it off till its too late to call and hopes he'll get you to go along with it. Never mind packing the bloomin car, this needs sorting NOW, or you wont be going away!

Sleepyhead33 · 30/07/2013 21:19

Am another one who completely gets it and would also hate it.
It doesn't sound like your husband has called. What will you do if he doesn't/won't. Will you go as far as not going if it comes to it?

Goooooooooooooooooooooood · 30/07/2013 21:20

I don't get the argument that its creepy . Do you find them creepy at other times.

From their point of view they are staying in their sons house. It won't seem odd to them at all.

lineup · 30/07/2013 21:20

ok am off to phone them it's either tonight before 10pm or tomorrow morning before we leave

OP posts:

HansieMom · 30/07/2013 21:20

Call her.

lineup · 30/07/2013 21:20

Goooood - yes I do

OP posts:

TotallyEggFlipped · 30/07/2013 21:21

PIL used to have an emergency key to our house. I felt very uncomfortable when we came back from holiday to discover that they'd called round to clean our house while we were away. It felt like such an invasion, but of course DH just thought it was a lovely gesture etc etc blah blah. I don't like people snooping around my house when I'm not there. If I'd known they were planning on being there is have hidden things away. It felt sneaky.

NobodyPutsTomArcherInTheCorner · 30/07/2013 21:22

Blimey coco how have you ever managed to get back on an even keel with your mil after that?? Poor you.

Snazzyenjoyingsummer · 30/07/2013 21:25

Ring tonight, OP, or you'll be seething till morning. If he hasn't rung by 10pm tell him you are now picking up the phone.

coco that's ^really awful.

cjel · 30/07/2013 21:26

good,, it is perfectly reasonable to not want people looking at your personal stuff. just because you married their son doesn't mean they have to know every last thing about you> do you have all your bank details, personal undies, special smellies out for everyone to see or do you grade things as less or more appropriate to let everyone see?

sparkle12mar08 · 30/07/2013 21:26

Do it tonight, DO NOT LEAVE IT TILL MORNING!

Betternc4this · 30/07/2013 21:27

I think also must be a female/male thing. Once had a huge row with now DH when we got all new bedroom furniture and had spent all day putting finishing touches, putting our stuff back in wardrobes etc and finally making up our lovely new bed with new bedding. His adult son turned up at that point as he was passing and DH called him up to see our new bedroom .
DSS then proceeded to 'test' the bed by lying on it on his back bouncing up and down on it a bit (like you would do in a furniture shop iykwim) .

We had the most epic row ever afterwards and you know what DH just could not see the problem as his son was 'only' on top of the bed etc etc and it wasn't as if he'd actually got under the covers and blah blah.

But to me it ruined it. That first night we went to bed in our lovely new bedroom and all l could think was 'his son has been in this bed before me'

DH still holds up that story as example of what a controlling 'loon' l am. I still hold it up as an example of how entitled his family are to everything of ours and how insensitive DH can be about it.

Yes, different species at times.

LemonBreeland · 30/07/2013 21:28

I agree cjel, if it had been arranged in advance OP would have had an opportunity for all the locking away etc. if that is what she wanted to do. However it is the night before their holiday, not practical at all.

FunLovinBunster · 30/07/2013 21:29

The reason your DH is packing the car and saying nothing is because he hasn't got testicles big enough to man up and call her!
I totally understand your POV, lineup. Some of the comments criticising you are just downright weird! Your house your rules. You don't want them there, PiL shouldn't be there. No need for any explanation.
Men. Dozy fuckers.

phantomnamechanger · 30/07/2013 21:29

I came home after having DD2, parents in law were here with DD1 while DH came to get me. When I walked in, FIL was hovering our bedroom.

I felt like an ungrateful cow, they were lovely ILs and I am sure it was meant to be helpful, but in that moment of being vulnerable, hormonal and just wanting to be us as a family on our own, it felt like an invasion of privacy - there could have been condoms or knickers or stuff out, and the room was a total mess - I felt judged.

Op has said her MIL is a snoop. I bet her MIL will delight in snooping, then gossiping about her DIL to all her friends. Why would they want to visit your house when you are not there?

Actually, why don't you say you want to see them and invite while you are there - that should be a better offer and one they would be unreasonable to turn down?? otherwise they would have to admit to wanting to be in your house without you, what reason could they have for that?

FunLovinBunster · 30/07/2013 21:32

Ok lineup. Dial the number.
Say "hello you devious MiL. Your poorly hung sap of a son wants to say something to you." Pass the phone to aforesaid wimp. Stand there in front of him while he rescinds the invitation.
Good luck.

mashpot · 30/07/2013 21:33

My SIL and PIL stayed last week (seperately!) when we we were on hols. I didn't even think about hiding anything! It was a big enough effort too Hoover and change the bedding etc ready for them. But then my MIL is here every Tuesday to look after my son so if she wanted to snoop she would've done it by now.

Hope the situation resolves for you.

cjel · 30/07/2013 21:34

what about-' only just found out , sorry dh didn't realise its not convenient'

Betternc4this · 30/07/2013 21:35

My last post was aimed at Iwaswatchingthat btw. Very good point phantom in your last paragraph - call them on why they want to visit when you and dcs not there .

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Icelollycraving · 30/07/2013 21:35

I do understand her being a snoop. The resenting her using your spa bath is a bit mean isn't it?
I feel a bit sorry for your dh on this one. It's his house too. You should both be in agreement obvs but it'll be a bit embarrassing for him to have to tell his parents that you will not allow it. Pack up anything really private & put it somewhere safe.

FryOneFatManic · 30/07/2013 21:38

My MIL would, if allowed to stay alone in our house, definitely snoop.

Lovely though she is as a person, she has no boundaries. And I don't have anywhere lockable to hide stuff where it can't be got at.

So, I wouldn't have her to stay alone before, but it's now no longer an issue for me as she's in a nursing home.

Mrchip · 30/07/2013 21:38

God I must get a lock for our bedroom!
When we were on holiday MIL took all out laundry to her house to iron. My pants were neatly piled on the bed next to DHs, I was not happy!

I also hated her going into our room.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 22 23

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.