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AIBU?

AIBU to refuse MIL & FIL to stay in our home while we're abroad for 3 weeks?

553 replies

lineup · 30/07/2013 19:38

Just found out that MIL has asked DH if they could stay in our house while we're on hols in August & he has agreed - I've only just found out

I'm not having it - trying to get DH to phone them to say sorry it's just too short notice, another time would be best

FFS - she is very snoopy - i dont trust her one bit, so AIBU?

why would I allow her to stay here whilst I'm not here? Bloody cheeky of her to ask in the first place

OP posts:

Report

formicadinosaur · 30/07/2013 21:38

I think you are over reacting. You have a normal healthy MIL DIL relationship by the sounds. Lock your personal stuff away and give your MIL a break. Maybe she does need it? It's your DH at fault for saying yes when in fact he should have said 'ill check with lineup and get back to you'. Blame DH. Your MIL is only guilty of asking for a break. Maybe they will support you when you next need a break?

cjel · 30/07/2013 21:38

You don't get the point! it is her house as well and the only reason HE would be in an awkward position is because HE didn't tell his wife that they were coming while she was away. She has a couple of hours notice and probably no time to move stuff around. Awkward position his making.

sweetiepie1979 · 30/07/2013 21:41

Gish m shocked I always let people stay in our house while we in holiday. Especially family! I suppose if you don't live somewhere that's holiday friendly you'd have to wonder why she would want to come and stay and perhaps if you don't get on then ok I suppose say no. I'm surprised at everyone been so negative about this but then I suppose it depends on your relationship with inlaws.

Mrchip · 30/07/2013 21:42

DH has also given a key when we were away another time without my knowledge
House was in post packing/small children/ not that into housework carnage!
Not the state I'd want it to be in before house proud ILs descend.

lineup · 30/07/2013 21:43

just had an epic row with DH - i asked had he phoned them, he said no, he doesnt intend to

i've agreed that he tidies the entire house tonight, puts all documents etc in the attic and locks our bedroom door

i've gone to bed told him he's a wimp and an arse

i'll be on silent for the entire trip I feel

OP posts:

cjel · 30/07/2013 21:44

I'd be so upset, it feels like hes put them before you ? does he usually do things like this?

ThistleVille · 30/07/2013 21:45

Packing to go on holiday ( for 3 weeks, lucky you!) for yourself, partner and dc is a feat in itself. Being 9 weeks pregnant - add on more stress, and then to find out that you have uninvited guests about to descend. Boy oh boy- I wouldn't know where to start!
Hope everything is resolved peacefully and you enjoy your hols.

fryingpantoface · 30/07/2013 21:45

I would hate my in laws staying at mine. We have a rule of no one going upstairs anyway, but they massively snoop and rearrange things. They have no understanding of personal space/boundaries, and I wouldn't be able to relax.

It's all well and good saying lock the room, but my only lockable room is the bathroom!

MikeOxard · 30/07/2013 21:45

Did you phone? I think it's your dh at fault here, not MIL. Your dh should have discussed it with you before saying yes or no, and MIL could reasonably have assumed that dh would have talked to you about it, not kept it secret! Secondly, once you told him this is not ok, he should have told MIL straight away, not keep avoiding you and not tell her, putting both you and MIL in a really awkward position. After all, she thinks she's coming to yours tomorrow, it's really bad to leave it so late to tell her she can't come anymore. If I were you or MIL I'd be really pissed off with your dh.

EvieanneVolvic · 30/07/2013 21:46

Well, bon voyage!

MortifiedAdams · 30/07/2013 21:46

How much of a dickis he that he will put hisparents before you?!?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 30/07/2013 21:47

I would hit the roof to be told that someone, anyone, doesn't matter who, was to stay in my home while I was away (or even while I was there)

That is something that you discuss, not that you are told. I wouldn't tell my husband that and I wouldn't expect him to tell me.

And how long ago did he agree this? Did he wait until today to say anything thinking that it would be too late for you to object?

I hope he does tell her that it is cancelled, while you are there.

I would be removing his key from him now, and saying I'll hold it until we get home! So even if he is saying she can come behind my back, she won't be able to get in!

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 30/07/2013 21:47

Good God - I think you are being both unreasonable and irrational, as well as being vile to your dh. What a spectacular over-reaction.

Sleepyhead33 · 30/07/2013 21:47

Why don't you give them a call and explain that he hadn't discussed it with you and you are sorry to have to let them down at such sort notice but it just isn't possible??

MikeOxard · 30/07/2013 21:48

Oops, crossed posts. Don't go! You'll have an awful time rowing and worrying the whole time. At least stay at home so you're not worrying about your home. What an absolute cock. On second thoughts, give a spare key to someone really shifty looking, loud and annoying, and tell them they are also welcome to stay in your house. See how dh enjoys that!

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 30/07/2013 21:49

x-post.

So he did then. He left it till now so that you can do nothing about it.

Well, you can. You can phone her yourself, you can stay home, you can take his key...

But since you've decided to go with it, good luck. I hope it's a strong lock on your bedroom door!

Or if not, put up a banner on your bedroom wall

FUCK OFF, MIL

She has no reason to try to get into your bedroom, so she shouldn't see it, eh?

Bugsylugs · 30/07/2013 21:49

lineup you still have not answered whether it would be ok for your mother to stay. However it is ok for your friends double standards. It is also DH house he obviously thought he had a reasonable wife. I would be really really upset if my other half spoke about my family like you do about your mil.

I love my home but just find the majority of you odd. How do you ever manage to stay in hotels villas etc where others have slept?

Think you need to step back not be cheered on by those on here and try and see dh side, yes maybe he should have discussed it with you, emotions are high don't do anything you might regret.

TalkativeJim · 30/07/2013 21:49

Be ok with it, make sure you watch him leaving the key and then get your Mum to retrieve it once you've gone.

No key! Must have been nicked, or taken by a dog or something. Thank goodness the house wasn't burgled.

Betternc4this · 30/07/2013 21:50

You phone them yourself then. You really need to stick to your guns here. This is forcing you to accept a situation you are very unhappy about by doing blatant stalling followed by 'it's got so late it's fait accompli now'.

I would not have this no way , he needs a short sharp shock to see how he has pissed you off. Either don't go or cancel them yourself. No means no.

TalkativeJim · 30/07/2013 21:51

By the way - I really wouldn't let him get away with this. Massively disrespectful, thin end if the wedge.

Why don't you phone them? Was it just hot air?

FrogsGoWhat · 30/07/2013 21:51

Can you quickly buy padlocks for your bedroom and bathroom etc and fit them tomorrow morning before you leave so she only has access to eg lounge/kitchen?

marriedinwhiteisback · 30/07/2013 21:52

Have only read the first two pages. I really don't understand what the problem is. My ILs used to stay at ours when we were on holiday. They kept an eye on the house, it was a little break for them. What are you trying to keep secret? Cosmetics - I have one make-up bag and it goes on holiday with me. Surely top secret papers should be in a lockable cabinet anyway?

If my MIL had snooped she'd have found out I was on the pill (HRT now), what the leccy cost and how much I had spent on shoes. Actually the latter doesn't bother me anymore and I'd just let her sweat over it.

In perspective, the cat lady costs 15 per day, and it saved us money to have the pils here. Nowadays though mil's so doolally she'd leave the front door open.

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Betternc4this · 30/07/2013 21:52

Brilliant idea Talkative sort of thing l would do. Sometimes PA is the only way to go when no-one is listening.

cjel · 30/07/2013 21:54

what have hotels/villas etc got to do with it, they don't have my most intimate personal things in? don't see a comparison

HeadfirstForHalos · 30/07/2013 21:55

Just ring them!! This sort of thing should be decided by both of you, but going behind your back I'm not surprised you don't want to go along with it.

If you don't get this sorted now it will loom over your entire holiday.

I expect the reason he doesn't want to ring is because he doesn't want to look foolish, so do it for him.

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