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AIBU?

AIBU to refuse MIL & FIL to stay in our home while we're abroad for 3 weeks?

553 replies

lineup · 30/07/2013 19:38

Just found out that MIL has asked DH if they could stay in our house while we're on hols in August & he has agreed - I've only just found out

I'm not having it - trying to get DH to phone them to say sorry it's just too short notice, another time would be best

FFS - she is very snoopy - i dont trust her one bit, so AIBU?

why would I allow her to stay here whilst I'm not here? Bloody cheeky of her to ask in the first place

OP posts:

Report

lineup · 30/07/2013 20:16

lemon, i think DH was going to leave a key for them - mentioned to my DM that i would never know though, he could be harsh and tell me that he's phoned and cancelled it all, but still leave a key, but DM asssured me he's not as deceitful as that

OP posts:

Wbdn28 · 30/07/2013 20:17

You could say yes, but leave loads of booby traps like jars of coffee that will empty everywhere if she opens a personal-looking cupboard!

BumpAndGrind · 30/07/2013 20:17

Me and DP house sat for DP's cousin when we were still both living with our parents and didn't have a place of our own.

It was the best thing ever and we certainly didn't snoop.

Wbdn28 · 30/07/2013 20:19

(disclaimer - that wasn't a serious suggestion!)

lastnightiwenttomanderleyagain · 30/07/2013 20:19

If you lived somewhere people traditionally like to visit, e.g. particular city, beach, historical location then I might be able to understand why she wanted to visit. That still doesn't excuse DH making what is a reasonably significant decision without your input. Your house is your personal space and you shouldn't have to worry about other people snooping around.

CaptainJamesTKirk · 30/07/2013 20:20

Your DH has accepted his parents request to stay. I don't think you can say no now, you just have to suck it up and not let it spoil your holiday.

They are his parents and its his home too, but having said that, what was he thinking by not telling you until now especially as you seem to be filled with hatred for your MIL.

Hissy · 30/07/2013 20:21

Call MIL yourself!

Tell her that you are aware he's cancelled her, and this is not personal, but you don't want anyone in your home when you are not there, call you funny and all that, but that it's non-negotiable. Bright and breezy is the tone, assume he HAS cancelled her.

Be a bulldozer, totally immune to any protestation, thanks SO much for your understanding, I knew you'd understand, gotta go, byeeeeee

And breathe...

Iwaswatchingthat · 30/07/2013 20:21

Once my MIL popped over at around bedtime when I was feeding dd2 (when she was a baby).

DH was reading a book to dd1 snuggled in our double bed. The bed was covered in our clothes, usual 'we have two children under two' mess.

I expected my MIL to stay downstairs until we got sorted and kids in bed. But no she came upstairs and laid on OUR bed with DH and DD1 until the story was finished.

It felt so weird walking in my room and seeing her lying on my bed. Makes me shudder to think about it!!!,

I am very territorial about my space, so lineup I feel your pain.

Iwaswatchingthat · 30/07/2013 20:22

Lemon -I would hate that, but my DH like yours would not care!!

cjel · 30/07/2013 20:22

I think this is more than even people in your house its the fact that dh was going to let your house be occupied behind your back and now you're not sure you can trust him not to let them anyway. I think I'd be tempted make sure I heard him tell them and make him change the locks. can your dm be around i f not (without Key) to check they don't come?

Or I'd refuse to go!!

Neitheronethingortheother · 30/07/2013 20:23

I stayed in my mams last week while she was on hold. I have stayed in my bils and my aunts when they were away. I am heading to France for two weeks and staying in my aunts while she is away. I have let people stay here also.

EvaBeaversProtege · 30/07/2013 20:23

Oh dear :(

I would hate my mil in my home when I wasn't there. Hope dh sorts it.

TheFuzz · 30/07/2013 20:24

To late and you want the house secure.

MissStrawberry · 30/07/2013 20:24

What has "etiquette" got to do with it?

tobiasfunke · 30/07/2013 20:27

I'm going to go against the grain and think you are being more than a tad ungenerous. My PIL have often stayed in our house when we are away and we don't get on great. My MIL is a snoop as well but I just hide everything I don't want her to see in one of the lockable bedrooms including the computer and lock the filing cabinet. I take the keys away with me or last time I gave them to my mother to keep. They are your husband's parents not some random strangers.

starfishmummy · 30/07/2013 20:33

I would not like this at all.
And even if I didn't mind then I would not expect to be "told" but to have had a discussion about it

cjel · 30/07/2013 20:34

yes starfish, I think that is what would upset me the most.

Coconutty · 30/07/2013 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CaptainJamesTKirk · 30/07/2013 20:40

I think that's it.... The only person you can be angry with is your DH. And this one time tolerate it, but make it clear to your DH that this will never happen again.

Tonight, hide anything you don't want her to use/see.

justanuthermanicmumsday · 30/07/2013 20:49

I kinder agree with lapsed i don't see the big deal, unless shes always treated you badly, in which case id say No.

I'd lock away my private items and she could stay. I wold be upset if my husband said my mother or father couldn't stay whilst we went away, so id give the same respect to his parents as i would wish for mine.

She can use my cosmetics it doesn't bother me. Lipsticks, blushers foundation they last for ages and need binning before they're used up. I think parents shold be given upmost respect unless they have treated you wickedly.

pinkr · 30/07/2013 20:53

I totally understand...my inlaws have suggested staying with dh when I am in hospital having our first child. The thought of them bring I'm my house when I'm not there gives me the fear but there's no reason for it...I like them etc and trust they wouldn't nosy but at the end of the day its my territory and no one bar dh has had free reign before.

SwedishHouseMat · 30/07/2013 20:54

I wouldn't let ANYONE stay in my house if I was on holiday. My castle, my security, my private sanctuary - not for sharing. YANBU.

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Shellywelly1973 · 30/07/2013 20:57

Your dh knew you would be unhappy or else he would have spoken to you about it when Mil asked to stay.

I love my Mil but i wouldn't want her or anyone to stay in my house for 3 weeks. I would yell Mil myself & i would let her know you knew nothing of the arrangment until today.

Im sure you've enough tp do getting organised for your holiday without getting the house ready for visitors.

Shellywelly1973 · 30/07/2013 20:58

Tell Mil not yell...well actually!

NobodyPutsTomArcherInTheCorner · 30/07/2013 21:00

What Swedish said absolutely.

I could never ever do one of those house swap things either or rent it out and go away. I'm so protective about my house it's almost And def no to mil in it.

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