...to be delighted that I have never witnessed my parents shagging?

[Beeyump]

During one of those meandering conversations with a friend the other day, the topic of parents' public displays of affection came up. She was shocked when I said that all I could remember between them was the odd hand hold and peck on the cheek, and seemed to view witnessing her own mum and dad having sex, through a slightly opened door when she was around 11, as some kind of rite of passage. Like, I was bound to be a bit screwed up about sex because this hadn't happened to sheltered me Oh, the very idea of it though! And surely it's not THAT common to have seen parents DTD?

[MotherOfNations]

Jamp not hamp.

[Beeyump]

Well, my eyes have been opened

Also, I would rather like a vibrating hairband which relieved migraines. Patent!

[MinnieBar]

Never actually witnessed anything, but I distinctly remember the look on my mum's face when I told my parents that I could hear my dad snoring

My parents have always had an 'open door' policy WRT bedrooms so it's surprising really that I never did see anything, but this did mean walking in on my mum having a poo once, which was an experience I think both of us could have done without (I was 13ish I think).

ExH's parents were into photography, and we did once find a contact sheet of photos which looked very much like pics of ex-MIL trying to fit one of her breasts into a glass

[LegoRelatedInjury]

MinnieBar That sounds like an interesting photo shoot!

[ComtesseDeFrouFrou]

I've never seen my parents having sex but I did overhear them guffawing with neighbours about my dad having he snip at a BBQ once.

On the other hand, the nail in the coffin that was my belief in Father Christmas came when I woke up one Christmas Eve to see "Father Christmas" standing by my bedroom door wearing just a t shirt, clutching his manhood and swearing as he tried to put the presents into my stocking...

[MrsKoala]

I never saw or heard my parents shagging as such. But once when i was about 14 i was meant to be going to a party and the people i was going with stood me up so i returned home. I opened the front door and heard much exclaiming of 'turn it off, turn it off' and mum came rushing out of the front room. Saying angrily, 'what are you doing home' I said the party was a no show and she said 'well go somewhere else' i said i couldn't, i didn't have anywhere to go at 9pm on a sat night . Dad was shouting from the front room about what a fucking pain i was and how i ruin everything etc. In the years to come after that i found a lot of dads porn just laying around and mum told me on more than one occasion that dad 'insisted' they watch porn together, it wasn't her cup of tea but he made her life hell if she didn't.

Now when i go to visit i take my own laptop as i am sick of being confronted with 'young asian shaves fanny' titles when i open theirs.

Fucking grim.

They also used to make me 'take the towels down to the pool and sit on the sunbeds to reserve them' when we went on holiday (from the ages of about 6) so they could shag. This entailed a 20 min walk from our villa and crossing 2 major roads in Spain and sitting completely alone for hours. nice.

[DaleyBump]

Clutching his manhood?!

[DaleyBump]

That's awful MrsKoala :(

[valiumredhead]

Oh God that is really really grim, you poor thing

[MrsKoala]

Yes, since dad has retired and he bullied mum into getting a laptop from work (which her work still own and have remote access to) he seems to have reverted to a teenage boy and spends his day watching porn and making mix tapes .

All his mates also seem to be obsessed with this too. Not sure if it's because they had no access when younger, but they are greedy kids in a sweet shop. Pathetic really

[MrsKoala]

i do have a friend who found their parents 'home movie' just laying about in the family video collection!

[Bogeyface]

MrsKoala what will you dads reaction be if your mum loses her job because of his disgusting "hobby"?

I am more shocked at your dad being so vile to you because you spoilt his bullying of your mum than anything else. I feel very sorry for her :(

[MrsKoala]

She wont lose her job as she is a director, but if the IT guys can see it, i doubt she isn't being laughed at a bit.

My dad IS a bully. He thinks he's lovely tho and everyone just eventually comes round to his way. He would be horrified to be described as a bully. In fact he would probably scream at me, shout, make lots of threats until i admitted he wasn't

[dirtyface]

thats awful mrskoala :(

all of it.

[MrsKeithRichards]

A family friend added me on Facebook, ages with my dad. He obviously read and viewed a lot of odd poo porn as every so often 'raymond likes hairy armpit wank' would appear on my feed.

He was obviously watching these things and pressing the like Burton without realising that it was linked to his Facebook.

[MrsKoala]

Oh sorry everyone - i didn't mean it to bring the thread down. it didn't seem so bad in my head

Anyway back to the OP - most people i know have at least heard some nocturnal gruntings, so i think it's quite normal. :)

[RaspberrySnowCone]

I walked in on my parents once, it was comical, I was about 10, had thrown up so walked in clutching my tummy doing my best 'I'm so sick' voice. Mum was on top but I made my dad jump so much he threw mum off the bed :D

[bongobaby]

Wish I never saw my parents and their women friend having a Threesome in the daytime when I was 8 years old, scarred for life.. Gross....

[apostropheuse]

Oh no I've never seen or heard anything whatsoever. I never even saw them hold hands or kiss never mind anything else!

[LegoRelatedInjury]

I think you win Bongo! Wowsers. That really would scar you for life.

[bongobaby]

I must sound unhinged but its all coming back to me now, That was my mum and step dad up to that with friend. My father put me in my sisters cot whilst him and his girlfriend carried on shagging in the same room as us... OP be very very glad of what you have never seen..

[FreudiansSlipper]

heard my mother and her boyfriend not nice

heard my friends parents this was after they had an argument (they were always arguing) and could hear him saying this is what you want isn't it she was moaning yeeeesssss

my poor friend found a home made video of her mum and dad i wish she had never told me i can not look at them the same way

[Bogeyface]

Fucking hell Bongo, that is awful.

A threesome in the daytime with a little girl in the house and then you being in the same room, with your baby sister, while your dad was shagging?

SS would be involved now if a little child had to deal with that. I know this thread was light hearted but that is awful for you :(

[MrsKeithRichards]

Does anyone remember that thread where a woman admitted carrying on shagging her partner when her dd wandered into the room and watched tv. In the living room, with a cover over them on the sofa spooning.

[dancingwithmyselfandthecat]

Mrskeith, I remember that. I thought it was horrible.