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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

in hating other people making comments on my parenting?

112 replies

hoochycoo · 29/07/2013 07:07

this makes my blood boil. People should mind their own surely?

ie :

Random women on the bus, "ooooooooh be careful, he'll fall, he's not safe " when DS, who is four, is sitting on a bus seat rather than in a buggy.

I responded "he's fine thank you and I'm his mum thanks, i'm perfectly capable of looking after him"

Random woman in street, "that baby's in the sun, she'll burn", when DD, who is one, is sitting in her buggy in full sunshine with suncream on a short five minute journey into a shadey place.

I responded "she's fine thank you and I'm her mum thanks, i'm perfectly capable of looking after her"

Had someone else tell me off for letting my baby hold a glowstick as she would "bite it and get in in her mouth" .

I responded "she's fine thank you and I'm her mum thanks, i'm perfectly capable of looking after her"

i've even had people pick up my crawling baby and hold her protectively when she's crawling about as she " might pick some up off the floor and choke on it"

etc

AIBU in letting this really get on my nerves?

OP posts:
intheshed · 29/07/2013 07:11

YANBU at all, however the woman was right about the glowsticks, they do break quite easily in the hands of very young children are full of yucky chemicals.

intheshed · 29/07/2013 07:12

The glowsticks are full of chemicals that is, not the children!

Pagwatch · 29/07/2013 07:12

Well, yes you are a bit. A teeny bit.

I never got endless comments until I had DS2 and he had SN so people assumed he was naughty - that git depressing.

But if you are getting a few comments I would let it go over my head because snapping at people just seems incredibly defensive.
If you are getting so many that it is incessant then I would wonder why tbh.

It can be annoying. But I would try to ignore. Sometime people intend, however wrong headed it may seem, to be helpful.

MrsWolowitz · 29/07/2013 07:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

peggotty · 29/07/2013 07:13

I think glow sticks are full if horrible chemicals and babies shouldn't be given them. Apart from that yanbu i guess. Just carry on as you are.

MrsMangoBiscuit · 29/07/2013 07:14

Random people picking up my child would piss me off no end. Otherwise I'm afraid YAB(a bit)U. Not because their behaviour is acceptable, it's a bit rude and bloody annoying, but YABU to care. Having children makes you a target for advice, often stupid crappy, judgemental, out of date advice, but advice all the same. Smile and nod, make non-commital noises, if they're being pushy about it, widen eyes, raise eyebrows, smile and nod, and IGNORE them! Grin

Original poster
hoochycoo · 29/07/2013 07:15

will a glowstick really just combust and shower a child in chemicals when in the hands of a four toothed one year old for a couple of minutes, whilst in the watchful arms of his mother?

OP posts:
Caitycat · 29/07/2013 07:16

YANBU it drives me mad, especially when people do the passive aggressive tell you off through the child. "Oh your feet must be freezing, tell your mummy to give you some shoes!" (dd removes all footwear within 5 seconds of it being put on her - she is very adept at this in fact I think she may be gifted in this regard Wink I either ignore (after all they're not talking to me) or smile and say "she can't understand you she's only 10 months old". PA I know but they did it first.

peggotty · 29/07/2013 07:17

A one year old could bite one open very quickly yes. Babies shouldn't be given them. Pretty sure it says it on the packet as well.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 29/07/2013 07:18

I can see a point with the glowstxik as they can break.

However I know what you mean. I had some crazy old lady tell me I should put my DS on the floor and let him crawl around as that's what he wanted, he couldn't crawl.

I had another woman on the bus tell me DS was cry

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 29/07/2013 07:22

FFS! Stupid phone.

Tell me he was crying as he was too hot. He was tired.

Had some bloke tell me to keep him in the shade. He had sun cream on and we had a hat for him, etc etc.

It's irritating but people like to comment, I don't know why. I usually just smile and nod. What I really want to say is 'do I know you? No? I'm just wondering why you think you know my son better than I do?'

Well that turned into a rant. And they was meant to say glowsticks in the previous post.

intheshed · 29/07/2013 07:27

Hoochy, yes, glowsticks break really easily especially when bitten by toddlers and the chemicals taste really nasty.

Original poster
hoochycoo · 29/07/2013 08:26

Maybe I have got a more cavalier attitude to risk than normal. You really think that letting a one year old wave a glow stick about for a couple of minutes, while they are in your arms and you are watching them to make sure they aren't going to put it in their mouth is a big risk? I don't.

Letting a baby play with a glowstick unattended away from
Supervision, fair enough. But you'd really come and tell a mother with her baby in her arms, and assume she's an idiot and can't make a risk assessment herself?

OP posts:
Tee2072 · 29/07/2013 08:29

I wouldn't assume she was an idiot. I would assume she wasn't aware of the danger.

Even in your arms, children are quick and could have broken the stick with you right there.

Perhaps relax a bit about your defensiveness and listen occasionally? Because you sound like the chip on your shoulder might be dragging you down.

SalaciousBCrumb · 29/07/2013 08:31

Wow - you're quite defensive about the glowstick aren't you?

But in answer to your question - yes, I do think a baby with a glowstick is dangerous, EVEN if you're holding the baby and EVEN if you're watching. I know from experience how quickly my son could get things in his mouth and the act of getting it out quickly if he clamped his mouth shut would make it very dangerous indeed. I'd just be holding and watching a baby swallow the contents.

Pagwatch · 29/07/2013 08:33

Errmm ..I hesitate because I don't want to be rude, and of course I may be wrong. But you do seem to see it as a comment on your parenting and you seem awfully combative hoochycoo.

People comment on all sorts of stuff. They honestly don't often intend it as a criticism. There are busybodies but often people just want to interact. Could you try not to take it so personally?

Maybe I am mistaking your tone and you are just venting in which case apologies .

HollyBerryBush · 29/07/2013 08:35

We all know best until the accident happens.

Often this is people way of making conversation, they like babies, people want to talk about them.

But next time you dispatch one of your "I know best phrases" and Little Precious is on his own bus seat, and the bus lurches because a cyclist has cut across at a junction, and Precious smacks his teeth on the seat in front - dont come running to MN full of woe is me because little children should be sat on laps in the absence of a seat belts in a moving vehicle.

Here endeth the lesson

scubastevie · 29/07/2013 08:41

YANBU i fucking hate this, my gran does it all the time. Agree why anyone thinks they know my daughter better than me is beyond me!

Its what it implies that pisses me off, ie you are not looking after her properly/you are a shit mum. They dont mean it like that, but thats what it feels and looks like, esp in front of an audience. Like undermining.

Agree people are being OTT re glosticks, come on relax a bit she was holding her :D

sashh · 29/07/2013 08:43

OP

www.dailyecho.co.uk/news/9419046.Girl__4__suffers_burns_to_eyes_as_glow_stick_snaps/

If it can happen to a 4 year old it can happen to a baby.

There is a reason there is an age limit. You may have made a risk assessment but in the case of a glow stick it was wrong.

LadyRainicorn · 29/07/2013 08:43

I broke a glow stick just waving it about. It sort of exploded and only didn't go in my eyes because I wear glasses. The liquid did go in my mouth and it tasted foul

I haven't used them since, but only cos I don't want to get got. Screw the kids - they're the ones who gave me a corneal abrasion anyway.

And I'd like seat belts in buses. For me.

Original poster
hoochycoo · 29/07/2013 08:44

I am venting, this is the anonymous Internet, so forgive me for getting stuck in. sorry to cone across as combative though. But you're right I do feel a bit defensive about this and it does make me really angry when people do this to me I wonder why? Maybe I do have a less risk averse attitude than most.

For instance, I don't see any harm in my son playing naked in the garden ( with areas of sun and shade) in the afternoon without sun cream for an hour. I'll put it on him if we have to be in full sun without any shade at midday for ages. But not in the circumstances I described. Is that too risky for most? He's got a olive skin type btw

OP posts:
Cherriesarelovely · 29/07/2013 08:46

Really hard to say. No doubt that is annoying so don't blame you for feeling like that. However, I have a friend who is incredibly laid back about potential safety risks with her kids and I can barely cope when we're together, I literally feel as if I'm going to have a stroke! I can't not comment, it makes me feel ill to watch.

Cherriesarelovely · 29/07/2013 08:47

The examples I have of her laid back attitude are way more extreme than those that you describe though op!

Pagwatch · 29/07/2013 08:47

Yes, vent away Smile

But you might want to ponder the defensiveness, it's not productive tbh.

If you are happy with your choices you shouldn't really be bothered by people commenting. Defensiveness tends to be born of insecurity - not feeling quite as right as we want to be.

HollyBerryBush · 29/07/2013 08:48

The heat of the day is at 2pm not midday. But thats by-the-by. An hour is quite enough time to do skin damage

Maybe my children are decidedly odd, but they never wanted to play or be outside in the heat of the day - they would always drift back inside between 11 and 4 ish

You do what you feel best. After all, centuries of experience and wisdom handed down are no match for a new mother.