in hating other people making comments on my parenting?

[hoochycoo]

this makes my blood boil. People should mind their own surely?

ie :

Random women on the bus, "ooooooooh be careful, he'll fall, he's not safe " when DS, who is four, is sitting on a bus seat rather than in a buggy.

I responded "he's fine thank you and I'm his mum thanks, i'm perfectly capable of looking after him"

Random woman in street, "that baby's in the sun, she'll burn", when DD, who is one, is sitting in her buggy in full sunshine with suncream on a short five minute journey into a shadey place.

I responded "she's fine thank you and I'm her mum thanks, i'm perfectly capable of looking after her"

Had someone else tell me off for letting my baby hold a glowstick as she would "bite it and get in in her mouth" .

I responded "she's fine thank you and I'm her mum thanks, i'm perfectly capable of looking after her"

i've even had people pick up my crawling baby and hold her protectively when she's crawling about as she " might pick some up off the floor and choke on it"

etc

AIBU in letting this really get on my nerves?

Zatya- people have already explained let letting your toddler have a glow stick is potentially very harmful, does that still count as "poking their nose in"?

Children standing up on seats on the bus is annoying. Especially if you've got the buggy with you. My DS is three and understands not to stand up on seats because a) it's not safe, and b) it gets the dirt from the bottom of his shoes all over the chair for the next person who sits down. I've been in a bus crash, and I've seen a child who was standing up get thrown quite a distance - and this was a minor crash. So I think they had a point, and actually you're quite rude to allow him to stand on the chair.

Glow sticks are dangerous; they glow because they're full of chemicals. So actually yes, letting a child play with one is dangerous.

As for being in the sun, a lot of people are underestimating the heat of the sun this year. And every year there are children with horrific burns. So actually, that was considerate; if the sun was shining on your daughter, and you hadn't noticed, it would have been good of her to tell you.

Your reply, however, is the most obnoxious thing. Ever. And I rolled my eyes at it. Then had a small amount of respect grow for you

Chill out. Sometimes people are actually trying to be helpful.

zatyaballerina Mon 29-Jul-13 13:37:30
"You can't compare stopping a child from running into the road or warning a parent of medical symptoms with the examples that the op has given."

How about my lollipop example? Causes very bad injuries, lots of parents aren't aware, A&E staff know only too well. Did the OP actually know the extent of damage likely to be caused by a baby getting splattered with the inside of a glowstick?

I didn't let him stand on a seat. He was sitting in a seat. You must of misread.

Sir boobalot you've lost me, can't work out whether you think I'm obnoxious or not tbh.

And zatya, you describe how angry it makes me feel! Akthoughu'd never act the way you describe . Are you being ironic too?

People will always do this. Maybe they think they're being helpful and supportive.

I once had a lady storm over to me, wave her finger in my face and call me a stupid girl (I was 25!) for carrying dd in a sling. Apparently I "need to get that baby in a pram right now before [you] fall over and smash her skull".

Gah, ridiculous.

They are not criticising your parenting, they are just being concerned and trying to be helpful

I'm not going to comment on the OP's specific examples (as i am incredibly anxious and risk-averse so my judgement is hardly gold standard anyway!), but as a general principle I agree - yanbu - its very rude to comment on someone else's parenting. I've never had it myself but I think, shockingly, people feel its more ok to comment to men ie they think dads are inept or something. My DH who is every bit as capable as me if not more so was out with DS one morning and got asked (indirectly, via ds), by more than one person, 'where are your shoes?!' He was 9months at the time, couldn't walk andhad never owned a pair of shoes. He was/is big for his age, but in all his months of shoelessness no one ever questioned me about it!

If a child is in danger then that's another question but there are right and wrong ways if going about it. For instance a friend recently gave a 7mo an ice cube to play with until I said ooh, careful it doesn't go in his mouth (it was almost exact choke hazard shape and size). My friend was horrified and couldn't get rid of it fast enough!

YABU, some advice is categorically right and has nothing to do with you 'knowing' your baby.

hoochycho; I would if a stranger approached me over something stupid! As for family, I just tell them they're wrong

This infuriates me tbh, a friend of mine is always getting comments about her childs weight (the child has major health issues) and her not looking well. Well no shit morons, like the mother hasn't noticed, she has enough problems without having to deal with other peoples ignorance and the child doesn't need to hear negative comments about her appearance. It's always those who know least....

There's no excuse for passing comments based on ignorance and unless there's genuine danger (not hysterical overreaction from the types who won't let their kids move in case they fall over).

I hate this. Me and DS were paddling in the river close to my Mums house and an elderly gentleman came over to tell us that there could be glass or hypodermic needles in the water.
I told him we had crocs on so it was fine but he wouldn't leave it... Kept going on about how HE wouldn't put a child at risk etc etc... So annoying.
In the end we had to leave and it spoiled our fun.

Also i think parents should trust their instincts.
YOU are the only one who knows your child well enough to say if they're safe with any given activity at any given time. All kids are different

People looking in from the outside never know the whole picture, it is extremely annoying for random people to stick their two cents in, although I guess they have your child's best interest at heart.
During ds's terrible twos tantrum stage he threw a huge fit in waga mamas when I wanted to put his coat on to leave, he was kicking screaming...etc and it was impossible. I walked him to the car just outside with no coat (it wasn't very cold just a little windy.) on my way to the car some interfering old bag grabbed my arm and said 'you awful woman, your son will catch a cold with no coat.' -I could have killed a bitch!!!!!-

Some people don't really know their baby though or what's best for it and take stupid risks with their children. Indeed, lots of people don't have a clue about newborns, 1 week old babies etc. if it is the first child, given the fact that it is their first baby. Others do, some, quite a lot don't.

But it's their baby, their child! Unless the parents are abusing or thumping or neglecting them, then what business is it of yours if they have no coat on/ shoes on/ are in a sling/ are in the sun/ are on the bus etc etc. if you're so worried about child welfare, then go and work with children in need, volunteer, foster children who really do need your help. But otherwise keep your opinions to yourself!

I don't generally get random
Strangers complimenting my parenting! Do you?

And another thing, DS has long past shoulder length hair, and I usually get a couple of comments a week telling me I should cut it. Why it's anyone's business I don't know

How wonderful it must be to be so all knowing zatyaballerina. You sound rather like the charming woman I came across in the supermarket a number of years ago whose small child was sitting in the trolley chewing on the flip up top of a bottle of washing up liquid.

After walking past her several times and wondering if (a) she's realised that her child was chewing on the bottle (the child was actually sitting in the trolley and had her back to the mother) and (b) the fact that if the child had swallowed enough of the liquid it could have resulted in a very unpleasant painful death, I asked her very tactfully if she knew her baby was chewing the bottle; she told me to 'fuck off'.

I wasn't rude to her, I was very polite and I didn't give her a lecture. I was just very concerned that she clearly had no idea of the potential danger her child was in. Yes, she was the child's mother but she clearly didn't know what was best for her child. Motherhood doesn't automatically confer wisdom.

It is not necessarily just high risk situations where strangers' commments are helpful, it may also be helpful if a parent has not noticed a child/babies' discomfort. For example, if a baby has been parked in a pushchair with the sun in it's face then it is 'helpful' and 'kind' rather than arrogant to say something.

I've been on the receiving end of comments regarding my DC, if they are helpful I thank people, if not- water of a duck's back.

My sister in law had to take her 1 year old to A&E when he bit a glow stick and ended up swallowing the liquid! Yes, exactly same scenario - 4 toothed 1 year old! Just sort of split.

Bus and sun though are fine - don't even see what issue is with bus as probably safer than a buggy....

I would be very judgey of anyone letting a small child holding a glow stick even more if it was in their mouth.

you sound very defensive "im his mum" bla bla