Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

in hating other people making comments on my parenting?

112 replies

hoochycoo · 29/07/2013 07:07

this makes my blood boil. People should mind their own surely?

ie :

Random women on the bus, "ooooooooh be careful, he'll fall, he's not safe " when DS, who is four, is sitting on a bus seat rather than in a buggy.

I responded "he's fine thank you and I'm his mum thanks, i'm perfectly capable of looking after him"

Random woman in street, "that baby's in the sun, she'll burn", when DD, who is one, is sitting in her buggy in full sunshine with suncream on a short five minute journey into a shadey place.

I responded "she's fine thank you and I'm her mum thanks, i'm perfectly capable of looking after her"

Had someone else tell me off for letting my baby hold a glowstick as she would "bite it and get in in her mouth" .

I responded "she's fine thank you and I'm her mum thanks, i'm perfectly capable of looking after her"

i've even had people pick up my crawling baby and hold her protectively when she's crawling about as she " might pick some up off the floor and choke on it"

etc

AIBU in letting this really get on my nerves?

OP posts:

BeCool · 29/07/2013 08:48

Smile and nod, smile and nod.

And I do think everyone us being OTT about the glow stick too. Held by 1 year old held by you. It's not like you've put her to bed with it.

People aren't attacking you with these comments OP. perhaps work on being less defensive and caught up in what others think.

Original poster

hoochycoo · 29/07/2013 08:50

Or how about being happy to let a baby crawl about ona beach, watched of course froma few feet away, without feeling worried that they'll get sand in their mouth that might have had dog poo or something on it.

OP posts:

Original poster

hoochycoo · 29/07/2013 08:54

Yes shall ponder the defensiveness.

I guess I just feel that it's rude, it assumes the mother doesn't know or care and it's arrogant ( assuming your choice is best)

What's your examples then cherries?

OP posts:

missmarplestmarymead · 29/07/2013 08:54

"I'm his/her mum. I know how to look after him." Really? if that were the case there would be no cases at all of children coming to harm while in their mother's care, either accidentally or on purpose and that's not the case.

Why don't you use your high horse to take a trip down to your local A&E to see how stupid that comment makes you appear.

Your glow stick example and subsequent defensive comments about it suggests that your belief in your own infallibility is simply unwarranted.

Your failure to listen to advice actually suggests to me that you your arrogance might make you a danger.

Get over yourself.

HairyGrotter · 29/07/2013 08:55

You might want some salt and vinegar to go with that chip on your shoulder. Yes, it's irritating, but the fact it impacts you enough to care is a bit needless.

Grin and wave, grin and wave. I've only ever had one comment and DD is 5, is it a matter of attracting attention?

HollyBerryBush · 29/07/2013 08:55

Nope wouldnt bother me at all - because once a baby crawls anything goes in its mouth including its hands that have been on carpet which people have walked over in outdoor shoes - dont give me the old "everyone takes their shoes off" routine - even the Tesco man when he dumps your shopping in the kitchen?

JenaiMorris · 29/07/2013 08:56

Giving birth doesn't automatically imbue a person with commonsense. And people with years of experience of parenthood might, just might, know a bit more about children than a parent of a baby.

RadishRobin · 29/07/2013 08:56

I think YANBU - you've had a few unwanted pieces of advice and are fed up of it.

I wonder if you are young, or just look it. I find people are more interfering and patronising to younger mums. When I had my first I was 29 and looked younger, people were more likely to comment than now I am 38. I also let my eyes glaze a bit and avoid eye contact (e.g. with fellow shoppers in the supermarket) which deflects some comments.

I know someone with olive skin who has just had a malignant melanoma removed because she was over exposed to the sun as a child, so I am a bit cautious about the sun now.

intheshed · 29/07/2013 08:57

If I saw you with a baby and a glowstick I would think you maybe weren't aware of the risks that's all.

I was probably guilty of this at a toddler party the other week when a friend's 1yo was shoving whole grapes into her mouth. I assumed my friend hadn't twigged and said something like 'be careful, the grapes aren't cut up' and she just said 'oh, she's fine with whole grapes, she always has them'. I told her I still cut them for my 3yo because of the choking risk, but she still wasn't bothered.

I wasn't being judgey, just concerned!

Tee2072 · 29/07/2013 09:00

Everyone gets unwanted advice. It's your reply that, I think, has most of us wondering what makes you think you do know best. It drips defensiveness.

The best reply, I find, is 'Interesting thought, I'll take it under consideration!'

And then forget what they said.

shewhowines · 29/07/2013 09:04

How do you get your tesco man to take things to the kitchen? Mine just dumps at the front door.

ChunkyChicken · 29/07/2013 09:04

I often forget/fail to put sunscreen on my DC BUT I never let them out of the shade between 12-3, when the sun is at its strongest. It's the advice on sunscreens, sunhats etc so I follow that. I do think 15mins or so playing in the sun will so the DC good wrt vit D so weigh that up against the sun damage risk. However, skin cancer is increasing so I try to be careful.

I personally wouldn't give my youngest a glowstick because he has cat-like speed & would have eaten it before I noticed it, lap/arms or not.

I rarely get comments like this, but I can imagine it gets annoying. However, if someone says something I'm unaware of, then I bear it in mind & look into it if I think it necessary. Otherwise, smile, nod, ignore.

Original poster

hoochycoo · 29/07/2013 09:05

I'm late thirties but apparently look mid twenties.

So is it ok for me to comment to a complete stranger, who has say got their toddler covered up by a blanket strapped in the buggy rather than letting them crawl around and play in the sun that I think their parenting is wrong? Or should I do what I usually do, and respect them and their choices even if it's different to my own?

OP posts:

BabyMakesMyEyesGoSleepy · 29/07/2013 09:06

Glow sticks are the devils work.

HollyBerryBush · 29/07/2013 09:06

They unpack for you too, if you ask nicely

Damnautocorrect · 29/07/2013 09:09

I could be the woman who told you about the glow sticks as 20 mins before my ds had done the same and ended up covered, as well as eating a fair amount and I spent the next 15 mins before seeing you worrying and googling about hospital

BabyMakesMyEyesGoSleepy · 29/07/2013 09:12

Is the covered up toddler in danger?

missmarplestmarymead · 29/07/2013 09:14

being a mother doesn't make any of us infallible. Obviously. If it did, no child would have an accident while in it's mother's care. What is difficult to understand about that.

Are you: 1) dangerously arrogant 2) a bit simple 3) imbued with super powers that the rest of us don't have?

Children have accidents while in their mother's care and, hold the front page, even caring sensible mothers sometimes make mistakes.

Any mother who never stops to think if she is doing the right or the wrong thing re her children and who won't listen to advice, believing the fact that she is fertile makes her infallible in this regard is a...danger.

tabulahrasa · 29/07/2013 09:16

"will a glowstick really just combust and shower a child in chemicals when in the hands of a four toothed one year old for a couple of minutes, whilst in the watchful arms of his mother?"

Yes - I've been sprayed in the eye by one bursting while an adult waved it...it hurt as well, it's stingy.

Original poster

hoochycoo · 29/07/2013 09:17

Damnautocorrect, no it wasn't you. What happened to your son then?

The toddler is not in danger IMO, but covered up and in buggy because mother thinks the sun is dangerous and floor us dirty.

OP posts:

Original poster

hoochycoo · 29/07/2013 09:20

Ok, fair enough about glowsticks. I'll look into it and if someone gives my baby one to wave for a couple if minutes again I'll think again :-)

I don't think being a mother makes me infallible. But I do think it gives me the right to make decisions on behalf of my DC.

OP posts:

BabyMakesMyEyesGoSleepy · 29/07/2013 09:22

Well why would you comment if the toddlers not in danger?

An hour of strong sun on young skin is dangerous. Crawling on the floor obviously is not as dangerous but does require supervision.

MrsDeVere · 29/07/2013 09:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KellyElly · 29/07/2013 09:23

I would also find this rude and annoying. YANBU. I've seen threads like this before where the OP has been supported and told people were being rude, nosy etc.

tabulahrasa · 29/07/2013 09:23

I mean it didn't do any damage to my eye, but it did hurt quite a lot and for quite a while after I'd rinsed it out as well.

I must admit, it's not something I'd have thought of before I got it in my eye.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5