Page 4 | Aibu to not want ex at birth...

Mammagaga · 2013-07-28T13:04:36+00:00

So we split up last week after I found out he has been unfaithful and not for the first time, have hd no contact since, he has denied that anything has happened with this other girl to his family but is quite happy to allow me to think something has happened and has not in anyway discouraged her advances.... So I don't want him near me particularly when I'm in labour next month aibu?

pianodoodle · 28/07/2013 21:13

Oh my god she's pregnant not dying we all get hormones it's not the end of the world if I say I think she's being horrible to not let him

No, it's not the end of the world for you to say that. It's just needlessly unpleasant and shows a lack of feeling and understanding IMO.

McNewPants2013 · 28/07/2013 21:13

This isn't about what he wants, after his actions the op can not trust him.

I couldn't have someone in the delivery room I didn't trust. I had my mum and DP in the room with me on both times.

My mum because she has given birth 7 times and I felt that her experience would be useful and my DP as he knew me and was a fantastic support.

There is no way I would have had somebody who wouldn't support me.

Having her ex there may be putting the op life and that of the baby at risk.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 28/07/2013 21:14

"There's some occasions when you can put aside your differences"

There probably are some Fifi - like your child's graduation or wedding day for example - as long as exP can behave themselves.

But during childbirth ? - no, not such an occasion IMHO.

Fifi2406 · 28/07/2013 21:14

Yeah but we aren't in the the 50's now! I said my opinion! She asked if she was being unreasonable if she didn't have any doubt about being reasonable or not she wouldn't of asked I said my opinion and what I would or wouldn't do. Get over it

Fifi2406 · 28/07/2013 21:14

Yeah but we aren't in the the 50's now! I said my opinion! She asked if she was being unreasonable if she didn't have any doubt about being reasonable or not she wouldn't of asked I said my opinion and what I would or wouldn't do. Get over it

Thisisaeuphemism · 28/07/2013 21:14

Hey, she's only giving birth - this guy wants to take his once in a lifetime opportunity to see his flesh and blood being born into the world - his desires are clearly far superior to hers.

Pathetic.

5madthings · 28/07/2013 21:15

Men do not have a right to be at the birth of their children at all. It is entirely up to the woman giving birth who they have there.

Ultimately you need someone you can trust, who respects you and will support you; that doesnt sound like her ex.

nkf · 28/07/2013 21:17

Don't have him there if you don't want him there. Let him know as soon as possible. Poor you. Don't let yourself be guilt tripped. Countless devoted fathers of the past paced up and down outside or waited for news.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 28/07/2013 21:17

And she simply chooses not to have him there during the birth.

No reasons or explanations necessary.

DizzyZebra · 28/07/2013 21:19

Yanbu. I would never, ever advise a woman to allow someone in the room if they are likely to cause he distress for any reason. Anyone who does is TBH dangerous and ought to keep their opinion to themselves if they cannot give advice out without endangering the womans health.

Hamwidgeandcheps · 28/07/2013 21:24

I refused to let abusive ex attend dc2 birth. My mum came with me it was fine. Ex has good relationship/contact with all the dc.

Op it's your body - no one else's - the mw will support your decision either way.

McNewPants2013 · 28/07/2013 21:25

If he really cared for his baby then he shouldn't be shagging around.

He has cheated which in itself brakes the trust, how does the op trust him to have used protection.

He could of given the op STI which would be putting his child at risk.

I would have more respect if he ended the relationship before engaging sexual relationships which another person.

JackNoneReacher · 28/07/2013 21:25

Fifi why do you feel the desire of the Father to see the baby being born overrides the needs of the OP to feel safe and comfortable during labour?

Can you explain why you prioritise his desires because I can't figure out why?

btw a 'once in a lifetime opportunity' usually refers to something like watching a world cup final, rather than a woman you cheated on give birth. If you are present at a birth it is to support someone not to put a tick on your bucket list.

Weasleyismyking · 28/07/2013 21:28

YANBU as almost everyone else has said, you need someone you trust.
fifi this is a once or twice in a lifetime event for the OP too, why is his experience of the birth more important than hers?

Fifi2406 · 28/07/2013 21:30

How is it endangering it could be dangerous no matter who is there or isn't?! She could have the best labour and birth either way! She doesn't have to be overly nice to him and i wore a nighty and no one apart from the people down that end (midwife) would have seen my bits! I just don't agree with not giving someone the opportunity and no matter what he's done I feel like no matter how heart broken I am I wouldn't take that away from him...maybe I'm to soft! or if you don't have him in the room at least let him be outside and know that his child has been born that you made together not wait two weeks or whenever she decided to register then tell him! I think it is his right to know his child has been born at the least

And I think the birth of your child is on par to their weddings and graduation

Fifi2406 · 28/07/2013 21:31

Mcnew how can you say if he cared for the baby he wouldn't cheat...my dad cheated on my mum doesn't mean he didn't care about me or love me! That's ridiculous

JackNoneReacher · 28/07/2013 21:32

Most children want their parents at weddings and graduations.

Babies don't give a shit who is there when they are born.

That's the main difference Fifi.

Fifi2406 · 28/07/2013 21:34

I don't prioritise him, I'm saying its also HIS baby.

And no where did she say he was abusive I wouldn't allow an abusive ex in!

squoosh · 28/07/2013 21:37

THEIR baby, HER labour.

Fifi2406 · 28/07/2013 21:38

And you don't know how the individual child will feel about their father not being there or one day the father being spiteful and saying "your mum didn't let me" you just don't know they might not care fair enough but they might!

pianodoodle · 28/07/2013 21:40

How is it endangering it could be dangerous no matter who is there or isn't?! She could have the best labour and birth either way! She doesn't have to be overly nice to him and i wore a nighty and no one apart from the people down that end (midwife) would have seen my bits!

Just...wow...

I don't think I have the patience to reason with this attitude and "logic" but maybe someone else will. It's pretty much all been said though.

Thisisaeuphemism · 28/07/2013 21:41

Yeah we kids of the 1970s are totally fucked up because our dads didn't get to watch.

And wE should therefore make all our decisions on the basis of the father being spiteful? Weird.

JackNoneReacher · 28/07/2013 21:42

Yes its his baby too.

Its not his labour though.

His presence at the birth is of no benefit to the Mother or baby. It may be detrimental. That's really all.

McNewPants2013 · 28/07/2013 21:42

Fifi I have copied and pasted this

Some infections can pass to your baby through the placenta or be transmitted during labor and delivery or when your water breaks. Newborn infections can be very serious (even life threatening), and some may lead to long-term irreversible health and developmental problems. What's more, some STIs raise your risk of miscarriage, preterm premature rupture of the membranes (PPROM), preterm birth, uterine infection, and stillbirth.

How could a father put the risk to his unborn child

Fifi2406 · 28/07/2013 21:43

Piano...it's personal opinion! I said mine other people have said theirs there's no reasoning to be done that's my opinion and how I feel as I've been in a situation similar and the op asked for people's opinions!