...to think it's not such a big deal that DH has had the snip?

[HowlerMonkey]

We've got 2 DC and are pretty confident we don't want anymore, so he's just had it done. Yet when I mention it to people (family/friends) they seem horrified. And it's not just because I am daring to discuss it!

Our reasoning follows thusly:

1. We don't want any more kids, so a long-term no-fertilisation solution is required.
   
2. Our choices seem to be: a) no sex ever ugh b) condoms every time c) I stay on hormonal contraception for 15-20 years d) I get tubal ligation e) he gets the snip.
   
3. Of all those options, the snip seems to be the least risky and most effective.
   
   So what's the problem with these people?!
   
   If it upsets you too, please come and explain to me why. If you've been in my position, please tell me your best ripostes

[MrsKoala]

I don't see why it is ridiculous, these things do happen. I think it's ridiculous to make an extreme decision based on something which is easily coped with with contraception. What i consider extreme is the outcome and not the procedure by the way. I would never ever consider having it done so why should DH. And if my dc died I would want more dc with my DH. It is not selfless at all. And nothing to do with him being a 'man after all' (not really sure where that came from) just a human being.

I just don't see the point of limiting ones options unless it was very very necessary.

[squoosh]

Well I don't see it as an 'extreme decision' (?), clearly that is the difference. If people have decided that they don't want anymore children what is the problem with a vasectomy? I really don't see the problem with men's bodies taking some of the burden of family planning. Compared to childbirth a vasectomy pales considerably.

[ravenAK]

I don't see it as ridiculous either - it's a conversation we've had.

Dh: 'raven, if I died & you married again, would you consider having more kids?'

Me: 'good grief NO! Dd2 nearly bloody killed me, bless her little cotton socks. Would you?'

Dh: 'I wouldn't be keen, put it that way...'

Me: '...but I talked you into dd2. In fact, I talked you into spending next wknd at my parents. You, my love, are the king of being talked into things. You'd have another six if the second MrsDH wanted them.'

Dh: 'We'd have to move then. The house isn't big enough & it'd just be weird having you under the patio.'


I don't think it's a particularly extreme decision to have the snip, but I do think that they are dh's nuts & if he prefers condoms until I'm past the menopause that's for him to decide.

[MammaTJ]

Your decision to make and me and me ExH made a similar one. We decided that I should be sterilised. I loved him and we did not want any more DC after my DD1,me mainly because he did so little to 'help' with DD. I had an appointment and the man very strongly said 'What if he cheats on you and leaves you?' I laughed as I could not see that happening.

I got booked in to hospital to be steralised, having discussed keyhole surgery. Then I had three people surround my bed trying to persuade me to agree to the major surgery, which I would not do. It meant too much time off work, not being able to pick up my toddler DD for too long. I phoned my husband to come and get me and did not get it done.

Fast forward a few year, he did indeed have an affair and leave me.

A year later I met DP and we went on to have our DD and DS.

I then tried the mirena coil, which I did not get on with but now have a copper coil which is fine. I only have to think about it every five years. This seems to be an option you did not consider.

[Justforlaughs]

After 5 DCs, and only 1 of them actually planned, I think DH was pretty desperate by the time he had the snip! We seemed to have exhausted all other forms of contraception but I still didn't want him to have it done

[nooka]

But MammaTJ, with the snip you never have to think about contraception again. Ever. Which if you are sure you don't want any more children is bloody fantastic.

I found that having two children pretty much on the first attempt (ds conceived the month we decided to try, and dd was from just one unprotected occasion) made me very very nervous about getting pregnant, and after one potential question mark when I had to take the MAP we knew that we needed a permanent solution. I have zero regrets, and dh doesn't appear to have any either. If I died or we got divorced I'm not at all sure it would be in the children's best interests to have a new set of siblings in any case.

[Littlemissexpecting]

I'm really surprised some guys have been able to get it done while your pregnant or have newborns.
My friend has been advised against getting pregnant again due to medical reasons. She requested to be sterilised but apparently needs to wait till youngest is over 1 year due to SIDS etc, even though her body couldn't physically cope with another pregnancy.

[MammaTJ]

I really don't think once every five years is a big deal to have to think about it.

[sparklekitty]

My DH and I have agreed that after our next (if it happens) then he will have the snip.

His idea, he says it's only fair as I've gone through labour. I think thats a bit of a mute point but then my mum is sterilised and it led to a few problems with her hormones etc (don't know the details really) so I'd like to avoid that option just in case its a problem that could happen to me.

I think its odd that people think its odd iykwim. Women are usually the ones who spend their younger life preventing pregnancy so once you've had all the DC you want whats wrong with the man doing it.

[SanityClause]

All the people waxing lyrical about their other wonderful forms of contraception need to be aware that a vasectomy is the most effective form. The only thing more effective is to abstain completely.

I, for example, fell pregnant on the Mirena coil.

[Crumbledwalnuts]

Goodtouchbadtouch said this I think because so many people change their minds. Also because most men are too pussy to do it. Your DH is lovely to do it. And I think you are very sensible to avoid any accidents.

And I totally agree. I think men who do it are so manly. And I know loads who've done it, well four. It's not embarrassing to talk about in my opinion.

[Twattybollocks]

Not all forms of contraception are suitable for some women. I personally can't take the combined pill, the mini pill made me bleed for 6 months and I got pregnant on it anyway, I have heavy painful periods so the copper coil is a non starter and after my mini pill experience I don't fancy the Mirena coil which has the same hormones. After dc2 dh did have the snip, which we later regretted, but I had ivf and we now have our third and final child.
I don't think having the snip makes someone less of a man, I think it makes them more of a man that they have taken responsibility for their own fertility.

[differentnameforthis]

I understand where Bridget is coming from. My BIL had a vasectomy on the request of his wife.

They later split up, she never wanted any more children. He met a woman & they wanted kids & reversed his vasectomy. It didn't work, they tried to adopt & were refused on the grounds that he had a vasectomy (agency said it proved he didn't want any more kids) & they split up.

It does happen.

I can't do pregnancy again, no way, no how. So I had tubal ligation. If something happens with dh & I wouldn't want another, so why force him to have it done.

[HowlerMonkey]

Wrt the coil: I had one once when I was about 18. I had such extremely heavy periods following its insertion that it was actually displaced and the strings were half hanging out of me. When that happened, I was visiting my parents in the Middle East for Xmas and couldn't face telling them about it (they would have gone batshit and I would have needed my dad to organise an appointment due to language difficulties).

So, I spent 2 weeks in discomfort and got it removed the second I returned to Blighty. The whole experience did rather put me off them although I'm pretty sure my dad realises that I have now had sex.

That's why it never really occured to me to go down that route again!

[qazxc]

Well to the women that are saying "I couldn't make my DP do that", You didn't make him. You both discussed the options and he decided to have it done, not like you took a rusty penknife to his gonads.
After all never mind what people say, it's yours and your DP's business what method of contraception you use or how many children you should have.

[Whothefuckfarted]

It's reversible. I know someone who had the snip then had it reversed and had more children in his following marriage.

[poshme]

I would like DH to have a vasectomy but we haven't discussed it yet. I hate depending on hormonal contraceptives & couldn't bear the thought of a coil.
I know someone who was sterilised (a woman) and then got pregnant so I wouldn't consider that.
I'm moving towards saying to DH -condoms or vasectomy. Lots of my friends have had it done- it seems fairly common.

[2rebecca]

It can be structurally reversed but alot of men develop anti-sperm antibodies after a vasectomy which impairs their fertility even if the tubes are patent. You have to assume it is irreversible when having it as for many men it is.

[GibberTheMonkey]

Dh had the snip four years ago when I was 28 and he was 33
We have four children and i was pregnant with number 4. The only person who opposed the idea was me but I had/have to support the fact that it's his body and he has a right to say no more.
Noone else has ever batted an eyelid really. I know his mum was secretly pleased and I think my mum was secretly unsure for my sake (her own insecurities because of lost children and the fact I was still pregnant) but they respected it wasn't their decision to worry about.

[BergholtStuttleyJohnson]

No it's not a big deal in that it's a common operation but it is very permanent. Me and DH have two children and don't want anymore. I can't use hormonal contraception and don't fancy the copper coil as my periods are already heavy and my mum got pregnant with one in. We're only in our twenties and don't want decades of using condoms. Dh wants the snip, my view his that they're his bollocks so his decision. I have already informed DH that if I got pregnant again I'd be having an elective c section and getting sterilised at the same time. He is completely fine with that.

[Flobbadobs]

Another who's DH had it done while I was pg! It was our third, I had been to see the doctor the previous day to get things moving along and was rather shocked still. It's maybe fortunate that our doctor is also a friend of mine...
Apparently he sat down and said "i am considering a vasectomy when Flobba has had the baby". Doctor says "ok, we'll get things started now. I assume that this one is going to be your last then!" And that was that, he had it done when I was 6 months gone. He's insanely squeamish and I offered to get myself sorted after having the baby but he insisted.
He went down, got it done, had a week of discomfort and that was it. No fuss at all. Most of his colleagues have had it done, it's like a little secret club or something!

[ubik]

DP was asked whether he would want another family if we all died in a car crash of something and he said no. If we did split up I don't think, at age 40 with three children already, it would be very sensible of him to have more children.

We both occasionally comment on how great it is that we don't have to bother with contraception and don't have the worry of another pregnancy.

[meditrina]

"Can you really trust vasectomies?"

Yes. Assuming you use alternative protection until proper clearance by negative sample (for most of the failure rate is because of unprotected shagging before the all-clear), then the failure rate from late spontaneous re-canalisation is about 1:2000. That compares to tubal ligation failure rate of 1:200.

You are meant to be counselled before the OP - that is more likely to happen with younger men or those without DC. Accepted good practice also advises against vasectomy/sterilisation within a year of life-changing events (including new baby). NHS generally sticks to at, but it's easy to find private providers with a different interpretation.

[Flobbadobs]

meditrina your second paragraph sums up why I was so surprised that DH got his appt through so quickly. We had no counselling and I was still pg when he had it done. It was very much a case of "so this is your third child? Lets get you sorted then".

[Branleuse]

I think the more people that are sterilised the better. male or female.