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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think my dad shouldn't have done this (I don't know how cross to be!)

198 replies

MorganMummy · 27/07/2013 03:24

I'm genuinely not sure how cross I should be.

My dad has a convertible and my DS (2.7)loves cars. We were getting ready to go swimming when staying at my parents' a few days ago, and my dad took DS outside to sit in the car (which was on the drive),which he's done once or twice before. When I came out the car was in the garage and my dad told me he'd driven the car into the garage with DS in the passenger seat - no seatbelt, and obviously no child seat so even a seat belt not very helpful.

I was quite angry as I said even though it is a tiny tiny chance, what if my dad had a heart attack and car lurched forwards (or similar). It was literally a case of driving 10 metres or so on a sloping driveway, so I know the chance of danger was infinitesimal. However, I also believe in avoiding easily avoidable hazards. My dad clearly didn't think I would mind and wasn't secretive about it.

I told my dad he needed to promise me never to do that again. He didn't take me seriously and tried to make a fake jokey promise but I made him do a proper promise. Then I dropped the issue as we were all going out and I didn't want to have a big discussion.

I can't discuss with my DH as he would be furious and I don't want to put his relationship with his PIL under strain. But I know my dad and my mum think I was being OTT and as I've thought about it more I really don't know? Am I being PFB (I know I can be) or is it a generational thing but reasonable of me?

OP posts:
TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 27/07/2013 09:13

I'm going to go against the grain and say YANBU.

But then apparently not wanting your child to go in a moving vehicle without being properly strapped in is paranoid, anxious, OCD, PFB and we should probably go and see a mental health professional Hmm

Goldmandra · 27/07/2013 09:16

YA only BU if the car does not have airbags.

The speed the car was travelling was no more than he would have travelled on a bike or probably even running around so there was no additional risk.

However if the car has airbags, and the driver slightly misjudged something, causing a small bump, the airbags could go off killing a child who was not sitting back in the seat.

I don't let children into the front of my car unless they are sitting quite still in the passenger seat when the ignition is on.

maja00 · 27/07/2013 09:17

YABU, sorry - and really rude to your dad.

Fair enough to say "I'd prefer DS is always strapped in in a moving car so he knows that's the rule" or similar but to make a huge song and dance about promising was OTT.

Your dad might have had a heart attack - equally an asteroid might have hit them.

flowery · 27/07/2013 09:19

I expect you put your child in more danger every time you strap him carefully into his car seat and take him out on busy roads.

I'm curious you think your DH would be so furious you are not going to tell him though.

lastnightiwenttomanderleyagain · 27/07/2013 09:21

Goldmandra - you make an interesting point as my dad's car when I was about ten had a massive sticker saying that children under the age of 12 were not to be in the front seat at all due to the airbags. I remember being livid at the time (as ten year olds are) that I was treated like a 'baby'.

Incidentally, I went to get something out of the glovebox of our parked car the other day and when I went to get out, realised I'd strapped myself in! Reflex action :)

MrsOakenshield · 27/07/2013 09:21

yabu. If you take that to it's natural conclusion you would never leave the house, to avoid all those avoidable hazards.

DD has been out in her grandaddy's Morris Bullnose, first time when she was about 18 months. No car seats, or indeed seatbelts in that. Went for a spin round the block with her sitting on my knee. Brilliant.

OneStepCloser · 27/07/2013 09:23

Blimey, your poor DF, and DS, it really is a non issue, really.

piratecat · 27/07/2013 09:26

think the op has got the message everyone.

diddl · 27/07/2013 09:26

"Went for a spin round the block with her sitting on my knee. Brilliant."

Which was your decision about your child's safety at the time.

frogwatcher42 · 27/07/2013 09:27

You must be bonkers (and YABU). I would give anything for my dad to be interested enough to spend time doing stuff like that with my dc. There was no risk really. Airbags take a fair bump to go off - not likely driving into a garage at 2mph - for what 10m? Life is full of hazards and risks - it is simply a question of how risky.

This really was not worth mentioning and if you are not careful your parents will feel too worried to do anything with your dc in case of being 'told off' and they will have a very stilted relationship with your ds. Your parents will probably start to think 'what if we did something wrong and it ended in disaster - she (you) would never forgive us' and then will be too worried to have much to do with your dc. Life is full of risks - you have to take some to have fun.

Your child is far more at risk being pushed along a pavement in a buggy with cars going past. Thats actually, imo, one of the most risky things to do. Only takes a driver to be distracted for a moment and mount the kerb .....

MrsOakenshield · 27/07/2013 09:36

diddl - not sure what you're asking me? I had no concerns over DD's safety and in actual fact would trust FIL's driving far more in the Bullnose than in his normal car with DD in her carseat. We were driving round a quiet suburb on a Sunday morning and the car can barely reach 30 mph. DD is in far more danger walking to her nursery - a car could veer off the road and plough into her at any time. Do I still take her? Of course I do.

ThreesyDoesIt · 27/07/2013 09:40

Confused oh ffs!!

in agreement with what everlongsaid.

Trazzletoes · 27/07/2013 09:42

Not directed at the OP but 2 points...

  1. Unimpressed at the suggestion that the OP may have fertility issues which could explain her being more careful with her DC. That's an offensive suggestion to those both with and without fertility issues.

  2. at the speed he appears to be driving, my understanding is no matter how hard he had crashed the airbag wouldn't have gone off. I may well be wrong but I thought they generally wouldn't go off below 20 miles/hr or something as the impact wouldn't be strong enough for the ball to hit the wotsit hard enough to set them off.

ChristineDaae · 27/07/2013 09:42

I fel really sorry for your dad that you went off at him about this Sad

MadeOfStarDust · 27/07/2013 09:45

I think people are being a bit unkind to the OP - it was a bit of an overreaction, but I would not have been happy either -

if we get in the car a seatbelt goes on - full stop, non-negotiable, no - "well Granddad said I didn't need one" etc....

If it is not granddad's automatic reaction to put a seatbelt on in the car, then what happens when he has the child alone... I would want to be able to trust him, this puts that niggle of doubt there.

Does the car have airbags - it only takes a moment's distraction (a 2 year old free range in the front seat?) to bump something too hard, no child that age should be in the front of a car with active airbag - people are assuming it was at 2mph - my granddad used to pull into the garage at a fair old whack and slam the brake on near the wall... I can see the concern!

Wuldric · 27/07/2013 09:47

You'll laugh one day, you will honestly :)

Hope you are not too scared to come back OP. Come back with a smile on your face.

Yonionekanobe · 27/07/2013 09:47

In amazed you survived childhood with such an irresponsible father Hmm

Seriously though, I feel really sorry for your Dad. He sounds like a doting grandfather spending time with his grandson and was rewarded with pondering over his death.

frogwatcher42 · 27/07/2013 09:48

Stardust - I don't reckon most people put a seat belt on to move the car a few feet on a driveway. I expect grandad puts a belt on when he actually travels somewhere but we will never know that.

.

MadeOfStarDust · 27/07/2013 09:51

frogwatcher42 - I do - it is automatic... even when I move the car 5 feet to get the bin out... just do it without thinking.

frogwatcher42 · 27/07/2013 09:53

stardust - really. Well, I would like to say 'well done' but really it is a little unnecessary imo. And it sounds like it is an automatic response and it would be interesting to know if you think it is necessary due to risk.

thebody · 27/07/2013 09:56

gosh op, that was a bit silly wasn't it really. I bet tour dad was hurt and pissed off.

not sure why your dh would be furious?

you both sound like hard work to be honest.

our dd was badly injured in a crash and she was wearing her seat belt. crap happens. she's been on school trips since even though as parents we want to wrap her up and never ever let her go out again we can't.

don't be over protective as that's as bad as not caring at all.

whois · 27/07/2013 10:02

Wow. YABU. And strange.

Lazyjaney · 27/07/2013 10:09

OP is bonkers.

neunundneunzigluftballons · 27/07/2013 10:13

Totally pfb and totally unreasonable

MurderOfGoths · 27/07/2013 10:13

"I do - it is automatic... even when I move the car 5 feet to get the bin out... just do it without thinking."

For me it's only automatic to put the seat belt on if I'm going more than a few feet.

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