to think my dad shouldn't have done this (I don't know how cross to be!)

[MorganMummy]

I'm genuinely not sure how cross I should be.

My dad has a convertible and my DS (2.7)loves cars. We were getting ready to go swimming when staying at my parents' a few days ago, and my dad took DS outside to sit in the car (which was on the drive),which he's done once or twice before. When I came out the car was in the garage and my dad told me he'd driven the car into the garage with DS in the passenger seat - no seatbelt, and obviously no child seat so even a seat belt not very helpful.

I was quite angry as I said even though it is a tiny tiny chance, what if my dad had a heart attack and car lurched forwards (or similar). It was literally a case of driving 10 metres or so on a sloping driveway, so I know the chance of danger was infinitesimal. However, I also believe in avoiding easily avoidable hazards. My dad clearly didn't think I would mind and wasn't secretive about it.

I told my dad he needed to promise me never to do that again. He didn't take me seriously and tried to make a fake jokey promise but I made him do a proper promise. Then I dropped the issue as we were all going out and I didn't want to have a big discussion.

I can't discuss with my DH as he would be furious and I don't want to put his relationship with his PIL under strain. But I know my dad and my mum think I was being OTT and as I've thought about it more I really don't know? Am I being PFB (I know I can be) or is it a generational thing but reasonable of me?

[nennypops]

What I don't get is how you deal with every other risk. After all, how can you take your child out of the house, you might have a heart attack whilst crossing the road? Do you always have two of you with him at all times, even at home? Hang on though, you might both be struck by lightning together, perhaps you need a couple more people around just in case? Both of you really have to get things in proportion.

[digerd]

My DD insists I put my seat belt on before she moves her car out of my driveway when giving me a lift. Some cars even peep an alarm if the seat belt belt is not fastened when the ignition is started before the car drives off. That is how important it is.

[JenaiMorris]

I would worry that the toddler would try to climb out, or sit on the edge of the door or something if he wasn't strapped in - it's not entirely bonkers to imagine this happening.

I still want to know why the husband would be so angry though - does your dad have form for doing things which actually are quite dangerous, or is your husband generally so unreasonable, OP?

[Tryharder]

I don't think posters have been unnecessarily unkind. This is AIBU after all. If the OP wanted lots of people oohing and aahing in sympathy and agreement, she should have posted elsewhere.

The OP asked if she were being unreasonable and the general consensus was that she was. I personally think she should apologise to her Dad for making him promise like he was aged 3.

The issue of risk is inherent in everything we do. Yes, the OP's Dad may have had a heart attack whilst driving the 10 mins to the garage in first gear. The car may have crashed and the impact possibly would cause the child to have bumped his head because he was not belted. But what if the car caught fire and the child was unable to unbuckle his belt and climb out whereas he may have been able to escape if he was unrestrained....... I could go on!

Quite equally what if someone has a heart attack in their car whilst you are walking down the street and they crash into you? Or a plane in the sky exploded and the flaming debris landed on your head....etc etc etc

[Turniptwirl]

Yabvvvu totally OTT and über pfb

[MorganMummy]

Wow! I really thought this wasn't interesting or controversial enough for many responses! Thank you and thanks especially to the kind ones (whether thinking IWBU or not) - I did say I thought I was possibly BU so I think some are rather OTT in their rudeness. I've never asked on MN before, think it may be too hot for me to handle.

Thanks to greenhill, who hit it on the head: I don't expect to have another child and am aware that I can be PFB.

Just to clear a few things up:

I didn't shout or raise my voice to my dad at all. I appreciate that I was probably OTT but I do think I can say how I think my DS should be looked after and I was very surprised by what had happened.

I said my dad might have a heart attack - not rude,I said to him as in my post that it was a minuscule chance. I might have a heart attack. That's why DS is always strapped uneven if I'm just reversing in our drive.

I am an anxious person - since I've been worried I may have BU for several days and thinking about my parents' feelings you may have noticed that. It makes me an excellent teacher and mother who is a safe pair of hands (and who forces myself to stand back and let DS take risks on climbing frames etc and in this case wasn't sure how risky it was), so I don't feel bad about it, luckily.

Finally, DH is absolutely gentle and lovely and his being furious would if anything result in a shortness with my parents next time he saw them that they would probably pick up on and be upset by. They don't like feeling at all criticised by non-family members. They are very clannish and what they don't mind from me they would mind from him, I think that's fairly normal in PIL relationships, though, but perhaps not.

Anyway, thank you again. I don't think there's any need to mean but I am probably too sensitive for here, lesson learned! I am slowly coming out of my PFB-baby-haze and I do appreciate my parents for all they have done for me and my son, that should be made clear. BTW, I was never allowed to ice skate as a child, in case I fell and my fingers were sliced off. The person who decided that was my dad. However, I was allowed to go skiing even though in many ways it is a lot more dangerous. So I think my dad also has his different risk assessments and I think he'll forgive his very own PFB!

[Wuldric]

Glad you came back :)

[StealthPolarBear]

:)

[AgentZigzag]

So, you're not a bonkers/strange/crazy/paranoid/ridiculous lunatic then OP? Just a bit anxious about your little 2 YO, an anxiety that was probably helped on a lot by your Dad. (my friend had her and run over ice skating, it just cut them rather than cut them off).

I'm sure your Dad's pleased to a certain extent that you take looking after your DS seriously, much worse to be the other end of the scale.

Everyone has times when they're not sure about how to change the age appropriate risk assessment you have to do before letting your DC do stuff. DD1's 12 and it's just as hard making the change between them being a small child and becoming a young adult. Possibly worse because they're out without you and you know they've shown sometimes to have only retained a fraction of the common sense they were born with

[FamiliesShareGerms]

OP, my mum refused to let me go ice skating for the very same reason! Don't hear about ice rinks littered with amputated digits, mind.

Thanks for coming back

[poachedeggs]

OP, MN is mostly lovely but AIBU is a bear pit. Just for future reference - don't be scared off! :)

[tilbatilba]

Sorry, bonkers

[lborolass]

Bit late to this as the OP has already returned but do people really put their seatbelts on to drive in and out of the garage?

That's something I find unbelievable, do you really assess this as a risky activity?

[NoComet]

I'm generally very laid back and would have worried about the car at all.

But, I do find excuses to avoid DD1 ice skating, she is hopeless and falls over a lot.

She is 15, if she breaks her wrist it won't easily grow straight again like her sisters fortunatly has.

(DD2 was 7 and the consultant rechecked that fact about 5 times when deciding not to break it again).

[NoComet]

Wouldn't have worried.

[Cabrinha]

I don't think I'm PFB and I certainly wouldn't be angry - but I asked MIL to stop letting my 4yo unclip once on drive.
It wasn't about the risk there and then, but because I'm trying to drum seatbelts into my child. I want her to feel something is missing if it's not done up, and always speak up.
I have, very occasionally, not done up her belt and it's great that she reminds me.
So I'm all for asking him not to, but not in anger.

[Fourwillies]

We didn't get chatting on the train yesterday did we?

[monkeymamma]

Bless you OP for taking on board everyone's comments, you sound a lot like me in many ways :-) but I am very anxious in general. Re your comment about the ice skating, think my parents had a similar issue but my big sis took me to the ice rink when I was 12, it was awesome. I think it just goes to show that as parents we all have different risk assessments, not always necessarily robotically accurate...

[diddl]

"That's something I find unbelievable, do you really assess this as a risky activity?"

I think it's just a habit for a lot of people-not that they have sat & weighed up the risks before making a decision.

[Theexisapsychocunt]

Morgans mummy

AiBU is a baptism of fire - you've had a potentially abusive husband, PFB, your sanity questioned and taken a pasting on the chin.

You do well Here just stick to the safer boards for a while.

[exoticfruits]

Nice to have an OP who comes back and takes it on board! Well done.

[mathanxiety]

How can a gentle and lovely person become furious to the point where knowledge of his fury would make you think twice about telling him something?

DH is absolutely gentle and lovely and his being furious would if anything result in a shortness with my parents next time he saw them that they would probably pick up on and be upset by.

Does he sulk then? People who fume silently are not easy to live with.

[Justforlaughs]

I think that the risk in this case was so miniscule that it really isn't an issue, for me the only possible reason to worry about it, would be the whole "always wearing a seltbelt" thing that can be hard to get into children's heads. I don't know whether anyone else has ever driven somewhere and then realised that they did not in fact buckle their DC in their car seat, but I have . Drumming it into a young child that you NEVER go anywhere without a seatbelt is actually quite important. Now my 4yo DD shouts at me if I try to reverse off my drive before putting my own seatbelt on.
Basically, OP, I think you were being a bit extreme to go on about having a heart attack, but you could have had a genuine grievance over the same thing.