to think my dad shouldn't have done this (I don't know how cross to be!)

[MorganMummy]

I'm genuinely not sure how cross I should be.

My dad has a convertible and my DS (2.7)loves cars. We were getting ready to go swimming when staying at my parents' a few days ago, and my dad took DS outside to sit in the car (which was on the drive),which he's done once or twice before. When I came out the car was in the garage and my dad told me he'd driven the car into the garage with DS in the passenger seat - no seatbelt, and obviously no child seat so even a seat belt not very helpful.

I was quite angry as I said even though it is a tiny tiny chance, what if my dad had a heart attack and car lurched forwards (or similar). It was literally a case of driving 10 metres or so on a sloping driveway, so I know the chance of danger was infinitesimal. However, I also believe in avoiding easily avoidable hazards. My dad clearly didn't think I would mind and wasn't secretive about it.

I told my dad he needed to promise me never to do that again. He didn't take me seriously and tried to make a fake jokey promise but I made him do a proper promise. Then I dropped the issue as we were all going out and I didn't want to have a big discussion.

I can't discuss with my DH as he would be furious and I don't want to put his relationship with his PIL under strain. But I know my dad and my mum think I was being OTT and as I've thought about it more I really don't know? Am I being PFB (I know I can be) or is it a generational thing but reasonable of me?

[Theexisapsychocunt]

Yabu ridiculous

[lougle]

You'll laugh one day...

[feetlikeahobbit]

He was probably safer in the car while it was being moved then outside. He could have run in front of it.

TBH grandparents tend to have their own ideas about danger.

I've only intervened the once and that was when I found out that my Dad had been giving my DD (then 3) lifts to the shop on his motorbike, not far but wearing an ill fitting helmet and not able to reach the footrests

[poachedeggs]

YABU.

But, I can sympathise. I have perfectionist tendencies in terms of raising my DC, and I know when my first was small I very, very much lived within the rules. I might have been like this when he was tiny. "No car journeys without a car seat" is a mantra in your head, and when you're in the fug of trying to do everything "right" it can be easy to stick to that without seeing the bigger picture and having perspective.

I think you probably hold yourself and those around you to very high standards. That can be a good thing but you need to temper it a bit maybe :)

Go and give your Dad a hug and apologise.

[Oldandcobwebby]

Have you considered speaking to a doctor about your paranoia? Your parents must despair.

[Fakebook]

YABU. I've let my DS from when he was about 13m sit in my brother's "fun" sports car whilst I turned my car out of the driveway and back in to make space for his. Infact we've done this a few times.

I think you're getting a bit of an unfair grilling tbh, but I think you should apologise to your dad about this incident and let him know you still expect him to use a carseat for long journies, incase he thinks he can take him around without one.

[FamiliesShareGerms]

If this is the most risky thing DS ever does he will have a very claustrophobic and boring life.

YABU

[comingintomyown]

YABU

To say the least

[LookMaw]

YABVU. I kinda feel sorry for your dad. He obviously raised you perfectly well and there you are shouting at him that he can't even safely take care of his own grandchildren. And if he did have a heart attack at the wheel, there's a high chance that he would be able to stop the car when he felt it coming on.

Will you prevent him from carrying your DS incase he falls & drops him? From picking him up from school one day incase he forgets? It's pretty ageist to assume he will have a heart attack at the wheel, unless there are underlying issues you haven't mentioned here.

And as for your DH being so furious you can't even discuss it with him. Bit of a red flag to me.

[Moln]

YABU

the risk is so small it hardly exists, my dad does this frequently with my children when he puts his van away in the evening. He'd be strict about car seats too, on all car rides on the actual road.

Also if you are truly anxious about this it could be difficult for you to cope with the coming years, with climbing frames etc if it is anxiety the I'd advise seeking help. Also if it is this does it mean ypur DH would truely be furious?

However if it's PFB then is this one of the first time somethings been done outside of your 'rules' and control with your DS (which after two and a half years would be some achievement!). because that can be a shock to the system, realising people don't conform to every single way you think your child should be treated when you aren't there.

[LottieJenkins]

Another one who agrees with Everlong..........I suggest if you have a spare bedroom that you convert it into a padded room. Your poor Dad!

[SillyTilly123]

When we went to Haven in March, I allowed the 3 dds not to wear their belt/sit in carseat while driving around the complex. They loved it. The speed limit was 10 or 15 with speed bumps every 10 meters or so so I felt they were safe, I never even took into account I could of had a heart attack (im 31)

[exoticfruits]

I wouldn't be as patronising as to tell him he must use a car seat for longer journeys- he wasn't even on a journey. It is like saying he must wear a hat and sunblock to go outside and then getting upset if he walks to the car without.

[MrsBungle]

Goodness me. Yabu. Your dad must have thought you were joking! I don't know how you'll cope with bed jumping, tree climbing and other kid activities. And, as for your dh being furious and it affecting their relationship - jeez.

[StealthPolarBear]

Somr really nasty comments on this thread.

[poachedeggs]

Agree Stealth, lots of unkindness here :(

[Inertia]

I think you are getting an unfairly hard time here. You accept that the risks are small, but you don't want to encourage laxity around car safety, which is understandable.

It might be worth taking the approach with your dad that you want to be consistent about car safety. The silly voice promise sounds a bit childish to me , as if your dad is trying to patronise you by making out that you are just playing at being mummy. That would annoy me.

[TheFallenNinja]

This is Mumsnet, home of unkindness.

[StealthPolarBear]

Do none of you remember being told to always always use a car seat no matter how short the journey? Now we know this can be excepted, but when you have that memorg of tbe health visitor and her emphasis on car seats, it's not that unreasonable

[TheFallenNinja]

Its ridiculous is what it is.

[diddl]

YABU.

However, I would have expected my Dad if doing that to put on his own seatbelt automatically & therefore put one on his GS-albeit badly fitting!

[StealthPolarBear]

And this on mn where I regularly hear people say you must do anything with any risk, no matter how small.

[TimeofChange]

Morgan: Please come back and tell us why your DH would be furious.

[MrsReacher]

I think the YABU has been covered but I think the poster who said its a generational thing has it spot on

I remember me, my 3 siblings, mom,dad, Nan and grandad all piling in the Ford Zeffa to go on holiday. It had the same seat in the front as the back so not even that squashed with the 8 of us. Happy days

OP. Give your dad a hug and explain how we are made to feel about car seats nowadays made you go a bit crazy

[Xmasbaby11]

YABU, sorry. Tiny distance, low speed. Try to let it go, but if you suspect your dad is being lax in other situations/driving DS normally, have a word with him.