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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder what the bloody secret to contentment is?

255 replies

Tailtwister · 24/07/2013 15:28

AIBU to wonder if contentment exists and if so, how do you damn well get it?

You meet some people who just seem so content with their lives in general and appear to be able to enjoy all the great things and not be overly bothered by the bad. They are often not those who have the most in a material sense, but seem to be so happy with what they do have IYSWIM. I would LOVE to be like that, but I'm just a discontent and dare I say it, jealous person. I hate being like that, but wonder if that's just me, the way I am.

So, all those who are content with their lot. What's the secret? Is it just a mind set which you either have or not?

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 25/07/2013 20:15

It's quite simply not easy as i think yourself happy.one can't think pnd away
The sentiment is simplistic with grain of commonsense,but not achievable by all
One can desperately want to think self happy but ask need external support to achieve it

JugglingFromHereToThere · 25/07/2013 20:21

I think it's a no-brainer really that things don't buy happiness.
By the time we're, say, 25, most of us should have seen through that one surely ? (Though of course heavily pushed at us as a raison d'etre in a consumer society)

But that still leaves a lot of other aspects .... the stuff that life hits us with, our early upbringing and the baggage or blessings we bring from that, the way our brain is wired and our resulting personality, the quality of our relationships and support network.

So agree with PP in that only some of us may be truly able to choose happiness and contentment in our lives - but also agree there is an aspect of choice for us all. Being mindful of the joy or contentment in present moments, remembering to be thankful for simple things, thinking of others and building connections, and knowing what makes us happy and seeking more of those things, are all useful ideas I think.

scottishmummy · 25/07/2013 20:29

Possessions don't buy happiness but solvency can lessen impact of finance worries
I think contentment is a range of things,ability to like own company,good pals
Finding that niche that makes one content,for me that include career,family,pals

claig · 25/07/2013 20:46

I think the secret to contentment is helping other people.
Being selfless brings contentment. It is like a sort of karma - give and you will receive.

Back2Two · 25/07/2013 20:54

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

babysbreath · 25/07/2013 20:56

Read the title as "To wonder what the bloody secret to cement is" Grin

But to answer the question, I am not content. I am not going anywhere in life, it is always an uphill struggle. I feel that I am just treading water and nothing gets better.

scottishmummy · 25/07/2013 20:56

I don't think contentment is same as selfless.many may be content,many aren't selfless
I don't entirely think selflessness is achievable for most of us,not with competing demands career,capitalism
I'm content but I'm not selfless,but im not wholly selfish.like most folk I'm getting by

HugAMoo · 25/07/2013 20:58

I think I'm pretty content and, to be honest, I think it only came to be with age and experience. Knowing who I am and what I want from life and not really caring what others think of me. I'm comfortable enough to be me and if someone doesn't like it, they know where the door is Smile. I love my life now and am truly content because of that.

SlangWhangering · 25/07/2013 21:06

Claig
I think it is interesting that you say that. I also think that helping other people is a very important part of any quest for contentment but I can't imagine it being the sole component. I think you need to look after yourself and your own family as well. I think you need to be a bit selfish too. IYSWIM

I imagine it would be very difficult to be an extremely giving person. I think you wouldbe always worrying you hadn't done enough or you would be constantly frustrated with the cruelties and inequalities of life.

I have always done some charity work (very quietly Smile ) maybe a morning or a day a week depending on what else is going on in my life and then the rest of the time I don't think about it very much Blush. I am also quite happy to say no to requests for help.

I have a nice lifestyle and I don't think I could justify having the privileges I have if I were a truly 100% committed selfless person.

claig · 25/07/2013 21:13

scottishmummy, I agreethat selflessness is not really possible for most of us. Maybe only monks, Buddhist priests and Zen masters can find that sort of thing.

But I think that "how to find contentment" is a spiritual question deep down and involves finding a purpose to life and being content with what you have in life, and I think that the happiest people who are most content are probably the most spiritual who ask for little and give the most - those who help others.

It's not for most of us, it's not really practical because it is not worldly, but the Buddhist concept of nirvana is possibly true contentment, but it is other-worldly and not for most of us mortals.

scottishmummy · 25/07/2013 21:17

I think in nigh impossible to be selfless.does one forgoe school of preference for someone else?
Selfless is giving preference to another person over own need/preference
I competed with many for same job,no way I was selflessly standing aside to enable another

claig · 25/07/2013 21:19

Slang, I think you are right, that there has to be a balance, in order to survive in this physical realm.

scottishmummy · 25/07/2013 21:20

If one is spiritual,that can enhance contentment.but one doesn't need spirituality to be content

claig · 25/07/2013 21:24

No you don't need spirituality, you don't have to try, I think if you are content, then you are in balance with nature and life without even knowing it and that whatever you are doing is probably spiritual without you even realising it.

But you are right about competing, we all have to compete in order to get ahead and do well and survive. There is no easy answer to finding contentment.

fempsych · 25/07/2013 21:27

For me, I moved towards fulfilment in my life when I gave up on the 'concept' of happiness and looked at mindfulness and seeking meaning and fulfilment in life. I read 'the happiness trap' and have recommended it to many friends and at work (mental health professional).

scottishmummy · 25/07/2013 21:28

Contentment is elusive because it personal,it may not be achievable for all
I don't think one can think oneself. Content,that's self help woo territory
Certainly contentment is onethingmeasured most of us seek,at sometime

JugglingFromHereToThere · 25/07/2013 21:31

Like your post Hug about contentment coming increasingly with age and wisdom. I hope I may become more content with increasing years - I think I could be quite good at being old Smile

  • but then it probably depends what health niggles and troubles I have to contend with too.
Queenie72 · 25/07/2013 21:33

Having my 2 boys has brought contentment for me. Before them I was always searching for something. Now I am truly content just being with them and watching their little relationship grow. I am truly grateful and every day I take a moment to thank my lucky stars that I have 2 amazing little sons. Doesn't mean life is perfect they are hard work but have brought me happiness

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 25/07/2013 21:39

I'm so content and also incredibly thankful and grateful for my lot in life.

I've had some pretty grim times but also some amazing opportunities, both of which give me a lot of perspective.

I'm very busy and have a lot of variety in my life in terms of family life, work - paid and voluntary, and hobbies and interests.

I enjoy glossy mags and love FB - but am discerning about who I add, so I actually care about friend's updates.

scottishmummy · 25/07/2013 21:41

I love glossy mags,glamour,in style etc they really are enjoyable,light and easy

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 25/07/2013 21:44

I agree Scottish, they don't make me feel in the slightest bit envious or unsettled, I just enjoy them for what they are and don't give them much thought.

scottishmummy · 25/07/2013 21:45

Oh and stylist on a wed,first few pages the must have chi chi items and articles

LifeIsBetterInFlipFlops · 25/07/2013 21:46

I don't know the mag, but can't beat a bit of chi chi.

BsshBossh · 25/07/2013 21:50

I found contentment after having battled cancer for three years. That experience certainly put life in perspective and I've been a glass half full girl ever since.

But contentment for me doesn't mean being happy with my lot and settling there: I am incredibly ambitious still and am working on fulfilling several big dreams. However, I no longer sweat the small stuff.

Naebother · 25/07/2013 22:04

I disagree scottishmummy

Of course you don't get a choice if you are suffering with depression or mental illness that is different.

If you have no mental health issues though and want to feel contentment you have to choose to be happy with what you have and more importantly choose to do something about what is stopping you from being happy.