To wonder what the bloody secret to contentment is?

[Tailtwister]

AIBU to wonder if contentment exists and if so, how do you damn well get it?

You meet some people who just seem so content with their lives in general and appear to be able to enjoy all the great things and not be overly bothered by the bad. They are often not those who have the most in a material sense, but seem to be so happy with what they do have IYSWIM. I would LOVE to be like that, but I'm just a discontent and dare I say it, jealous person. I hate being like that, but wonder if that's just me, the way I am.

So, all those who are content with their lot. What's the secret? Is it just a mind set which you either have or not?

Bumblequeen-seems like we similar.

I think when we young we feel like anythings possible.
That we can have it all
That we can live the same life as parents who earn less but we cant.

The economys shifted know very high earning professional people who cant buy.

Only people i know who brought was with mummy and daddys help and dident have kids.

As childcares such a big expense.

Some things in life seen as given ahouse car seem to be main ones.

I hate the way people are so nasty and rude to no drivers like im clearly mental.

I hope i dont sounds depressed or miserable.
I love my husband we get on well he works a lot of hours striving for higher salary and area manager role .

I do try and savour the simple moments.

eldest winning sporst day yesterday
taking kids fruitpicking last weekend
getting a fab school report-made me feel like I done something right.
watching them happy at park.
having cuddles in bed with them chatting about their day.,

There are good amongst the bad.

On rare occasion me and hubby go out alone i enjoy ont do it much due to money,
I know they dont say money dont buy happyness but it would make life easier and less stressful if not shopping at 5diffrent supermarkets a month.

I think uk is quite materialistic country and many of my freinds and family its all about the house, the right school or your childs doomed, holidays, clothes and other stuff.

Sometime sucess in life is not always tangible most see sucess as a promotion in career or some signs of wealth house/car ect.

I really want a dog but landlord says no. That makes me bit sorrowful.

Im not jealous of freinds or family who done well just wonder at times whens our familys turn to catch a break as timing in life seems to be terrible i as 1st yera at uni that labour brought in student loans. I dident buy house when i should have, both em and hubby stayed in crap companies for too long.Now its wrong time to retrain had kids too early maybe, increase in tuition fees ad cost of open university shot up im always wrong place and wrong time I probably never will catch up but i think more space and less crappy house would dramtically improve our lives.

I dont necessrily ant best paid job but would love something part time that would fufill me.

For me being content is not linked to money or possessions. Seeing my children happy and health, beautiful sunsets, walks in the country, fishing by a river bring me more joy than anything else.

I'm reasonably content with my lot. Don't really know why except that I don't feel jealous of other people and I've always had confidence that if there was something I wanted I could work to get it. Of course as you get older you learn that there are some things you can't control (health issues especially) but you may also have friends who die young. Having friends die before retirement certainly puts many issues into focus.

It certainly isn't related to having a good childhood as mine wasn't.

Anyone in this country has had the luck to be born in a place where there is no war, a clean water supply that you don't have to walk miles for, with healthcare that is readily accessible and largely free. We're all lucky and perhaps those who feel more content simply focus on what they and not what they dont have.

Who wants to be 'content' all of the time? How bloody boring! I welcome the ups and downs in my life, I've been through tough stuff (who hasn't?) and learnt so much about myself, people and life in general that I don't fear change anymore. We need a certain degree of contentment but we also need some uncertainty in our lives or we don't grow, we just plod along.

If you are a very discontented person then you should stop looking outwards for happiness, read books on esotoric subjects, look deeper and not superficially at reality and search for more meaning in your life. Realising that I am in control of my life and bring the experiences (good and bad) into it has given me a great sense of freedom which I think is a lot better then desiring contentment.

Don't forget that happy doesn't mean ecstatic.
You don't have to be constantly jovial and you shouldn't put pressure on yourself to apear that way.
If you feel 'ok', that's OK.

Being content doesn't mean you don't have ups and downs or do not go through tough stuff or face uncertainty
I agree with you - many of the most difficult things in our lives teach us so much and can actually lead us into a more contented life.

People who are most content often handle life's ups and downs much better.

Negativity breeds negativity. Surround yourself with happy positive people, watch feelgood TV or movies (Pollyanna LOL), find out what makes YOU happy, eat healthily, get plenty of sleep, go for long walks. You cant just BE happy, you have to make yourself happy.

Until fairly recently, I was very discontented and resentful too. I was / am a SAHM by choice having had a well paid achieving career. DH works long hours. We moved to the countryside when DS was 18 months and from then I felt increasingly discontent with everything but without really knowing why or what would fix it. Once DS started school I threw myself into finishing the work on the house and into other activities for me. More importantly, I decided to focus on my friends NOT the people who live where we now live, for whom I always felt I was having to bite my tongue or put on an act. I also looked back to things I loved as a child and took up riding again and doing short courses in things that interest me (wildly eclectic - craft, literature, history - online or local etc etc). I now feel I have a life in which I 'belong' and am so so much happier. Everything else is the same - location, house (except it is now finished and MINE), DH, DS, DH's hours etc but none of those things were actually 'wrong' - I just needed to be me again

Being content does not (IMO) mean that there is nothing else to gain. But you can be happy in the moment and appreciate all that you have without striving for something additional to fill up an empty feeling.

I'm sure that's true. But I have learnt that when I achieve things I'm aiming for I feel a tremendous sense of being underwhelmed. It's never quite as good as I thought it would be. That's what keeps me discontented and yearning for more (except for children. I have 2; lovely but plenty).

Since I've given up facebook I am more content. The "edited highlights" of other people's lives were getting me down. I now feeling better and am phoning people instead.

It sounds simple and perhaps silly, but it's made a big difference to me. At LAST I am not spending half an hour a day wasting my life reading 'acquaintances' lives!

I struggle to push guilt and negativity away- but am determined that this is the year that I am going to work on it!

Ha ha - On facebook you either get people moaning about their friends or people having to tell everyone how fantastic their life is with lots of pictures!
I take everything on facebook with a pinch of salt!

I am more content more often but life still has struggles.

I think envy is very destructive, I think actively appreciating what blessings you have helps.

I never compare anymore as you have no clue what goes on behind closed doors, plenty of people are privately struggling with debt, infidelity, abuse, ill health, grief etc.

For me contentment is about acceptance.

I've accepted that I was never able to have children, don't have a partner, disabled with arthritis from the age of 32, will never be rich but don't envy what others have.

What I do have is a home of my own, enough food, good friends - I have known my best friend for 49 years through good and bad times and I can enjoy the small things in life.

Someone once told me that happiness is a choice.

They were right.

Focus on the small things.

OP YANBU to ask if contentment exists.

However, yes it does and no, you can't just 'get it'. Unfortunately

Like with Kung Fu Panda, the secret is there isn't one.

I have to say I've been content/happy for most of my life. God only knows how though as I grew up in poverty with a violent mum and extremely dodgy friendship choices.

I've worked my way out of poverty to become reasonably 'well off', have a great family/friends and want for nothing. Sometimes I wonder if all the material stuff and achievement has made me this way but I was already happy before all that came to me.

Conclusion: I have no bloody idea why I have spent my life like this but am just grateful for how life has treated me.

It's all about the standards we set ourselves, too, isn't it?

A lot of us will be perfectionists, strivers, constantly wanting to do better and improve things for our families.

Unfortunately this can manifest in anxiety/stress and not taking the time to relax, regroup and enjoy the moment without worrying you should be doing something more constructive.

I spent at least 15 years constantly wondering if I was missing out; no matter where I travelled to or what I did I always had a sense that there was somewhere/something else around the corner, and if I could just find it I'd be happy.

I still have the odd day where I suffer from FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), usually triggered by some of my friends on Facebook who seem to live terribly glamorous lives on tropical islands and beaches in SE Asia, but then I think to myself that when I was actually there myself I still had FOMO so I guess that's just who I am. And I have to say since having children I've started to settle into my life and now I'm quite content watching sunsets, or waiting for courgettes to grow, that kind of thing. And after on and off years of being horribly depressed I'm quite happy with content.

I think what stands out on this thread is that FACEBOOK IS A BAD THING.

I love the idea of FOMO. I constantly have it when I'm on "holiday" - I HAVE THE MAKE THE MOST OF EVERY SINGLE SECOND AND SEE EVERY SIGHT WORTH SEEING AND SPEND AS MUCH TIME AS POSSIBLE IN THE SUN to get my money/time's worth.

It's exhausting and no fun for DP.

I'm hoping the recent heatwave has made me content with the amount of sun I've had this year so I can actually have fun on holiday

Waterlego - so agree. Really feel for you as my parents died within a year of each other. You think you will never get through it or feel better, but you do. When something dreadful happens it does change your values. You realise that contentment lies within. You have the freedom eventually to look back and feel stronger because you did get through it and to realise that most worries don't matter as much as you thought they did. And I really can't abide people who moan about trivialities. That is the way to misery. I just have to avoid people like that now. You do get more thankful for what you have and less worried about competing with others. I am helped by being a totally uncompetitive person, so I am not bothered if I've got less than other people.

I don't think being happy is a choice,it's not that clear cut and implies unhappy=didn't try hard enough
if you're biochemically wired with predisposition for depression you can't always to think it away
Sometimes in life we need accompaniments like pals,hobbies,partners,family,medication to support happiness

I came across article some time ago, I think you might find it useful:)

m.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/01/top-five-regrets-of-the-dying

I don't think I'll ever be content. I'm not jealous of others or what they have but I am just not a particularly happy person. I'm not sure if I've ever truly felt secure and 'safe'. I've not had a particularly terrible life compared to some. I have a lovely husband, 2 gorgeous healthy sons, we own our own home, I am a stay at home mum. To the outside world we must look like the 'perfect family'. But inside me something is broken and I don't think it can ever be fixed.

I want to feel content. I want to feel happy. I want to feel confident. But something in me always seems to trying to prove that I'm good enough. Trying to prove that I can cope. Inside I cry a lot. Not over things I don't have, more about who I am not. I am not the person I want to be. I want to be patient, I want to be calm, I want to not worry over everything. I just can't do it. I am always looking for an escape route. Panicking incase everything falls down around me. I am just never able to relax.

I don't care what other people do or don't do. I don't care where they go on holiday or how nice their homes are. I just have this overwhelming feeling of being crap all the time. I feel like I fail my children. They deserve so much more. I sometimes wish I could just be me but a happier me. Just don't know how to get there!

I agree with Naebother.

Happiness is definitely a choice, you only have to look at those with terrible misfortune in their lives who still keep a smile on their face to know this.
I used to be discontent mainly because I didn't know what I wanted, I thought I should want the things and lifestyles other people seem to want. Once I worked out that my priorities were different, that money & it's accoutrements and a soulless nine-to-five wasn't for me, I was much more relaxed.
I did an art postgraduate degree and changed my job, I'm poorer but infinitely happier.

Also, DON'T BUY GLOSSY MAGAZINES! They are catalogues for lifestyles none of us can afford, and fool you into thinking if only you bought that statement handbag, and painted the living room that particular shade of grey you'll be happy, rich and sexually fulfilled. DELUSIONAL!