To wonder what the bloody secret to contentment is?

[Tailtwister]

AIBU to wonder if contentment exists and if so, how do you damn well get it?

You meet some people who just seem so content with their lives in general and appear to be able to enjoy all the great things and not be overly bothered by the bad. They are often not those who have the most in a material sense, but seem to be so happy with what they do have IYSWIM. I would LOVE to be like that, but I'm just a discontent and dare I say it, jealous person. I hate being like that, but wonder if that's just me, the way I am.

So, all those who are content with their lot. What's the secret? Is it just a mind set which you either have or not?

Owllady

• Getting up before everyone else on a sunny Sunday morning and sitting with a cup of tea whilst the dog potters round the garden
• Watching DD and dog playing together
• DD when she has just woken up
• First night in a clean bed

I'm a lot more content than I used to be, I was discontent and pretty miserable for many years.

Things that have helped:

NEVER compare, EVER! If I catch myself comparing myself to others (good or bad) I give myself a good talking to

Mindfulness meditation (read Full Catastrophe Living/ 5 Minute Meditator/Thich Nhat Hahn books) - also recommended in recent TV programme on how to change from a pessimist to an optimist

When I'm dwelling on something bad that happened that day, I force myself to focus instead on the good thing, eg. yesterday some oaf shouted 'massive boobies' out of a van at me and made me feel like shit, but then the garage hoovered the inside of my car for me when they were fixing the air bag - I had to force myself to focus on the good one but it worked!

Similarly, if I'm dwelling on all the bad things I've experienced, I try to counteract them and think of good memories, even if those are weaker or more distant, I remind myself they are still there.

It's a daily battle but I feel like it's mainly working at the moment.

I'm content and agree with the person who mentioned difficult life events and feeling grateful for what you have. This is what made me re evaluate life. Having 2 stillbirths and 2 m/c I am so grateful for my living DC. Nothing else matters; jobs, holidays etc. I am happy with the simple things in life. I am not materialistic and happy with my lot. I am totally fine with friends having more probably as am happy in my own life. And we are not well off, small house share a car etc. I am a SAHM which helps as it is what I feel is right for us. I am not saying that is right for everyone though!! I know some people get contentment from working and I may well do so at some stage. I think though being happy with your choices helps.

I'm by no means fully content all of the time, but I am far more content overall than I have ever been before. Part of this is having pretty much rebuilt my confidence after a rough time with 3 m/c and being bullied by my boss at the same time a few years ago. It's like when you first feel well after feeling sick, you feel REALLY well and that memory of how bad things can get has stayed with me.

The other reason is a course I went on through work and we were being told about an inspirational man who was now running marathons after having lost his legs in a landmine. The point being made was that you choose how you react and how you feel about everything. You can't always help what happens, but you can choose your reaction. It really clicked with me and I try to follow that as best I can.

In my mind, contentment and comfort somehow conflate, and happiness and gratefulness, so feeling content seems more fleeting and difficult than feeling happy.

And I would think only babies can feel totally contented; later in life there are always things one might miss or wish for that to have a lasting feeling of contentment there needs to be a measure of resignation. I don't think that is a positive feeling - or is it, maybe??

Somewhere I read something on envy which stuck with me, that with every talent, advantage or possession there comes some burden, too; and also that everyone has their unique gifts to give and, nobody is superfluous. Better to enjoy the beauty and gifts of others and share the burdens.

I think feeling happy is my baseline, I'm sometimes contented, and also worry, feel frustrated, angry and hopeless sometimes...

Quasi scientific response.
I think contentment is a brain-wiring thing, and it's set down in early childhood (0-3 years old). If you were loved and cared for by someone who was consistent, warm, responsive you're more likely to take feelings of contentment into adulthood. On the flipside if you were cared for by multiple people, inconsistent and unresponsive then your young brain had to develop in a way that was ultra sensitive to stress, feelings of not-quite getting what you need.

I want chizz now, dammit (only 9am here, and a Thursday, so it will have to wait).

I've suffered anxiety and depression in the not so distant past but would now say I am pretty content most of the time. I reached a very low point and was forced to realise that unless I took drastic steps I was going to end up in rather a pickle. the things that changed it for me really do sound terribly trite and a little sickly but they did work, so what can you do.

1. I got very lucky and found the right man who would give me understanding and support without any drama or judgement.
2. I made a very conscious decision to stop worrying and getting angry about things. particularly things I can't do anything about.
3. I realised that there are things about me that are just not going to change however much I would like them to, but that this is fine and does not make me a failure
4. in a last ditch attempt to stop being anxious all the time I took up meditation. Much to my surprise it worked where all else had failed. Who would have thought it.

I have a job I enjoy, children I love, a home that we own outright, and a hobby I really enjoy.

Sometimes I'm really content, most of the time I'm just really busy, but I'm very rarely discontent. When I am discontent its nearly always because I'm trying to do too much

I haven't stopped striving, I'm always trying to help the kids do better, do more interesting things in my hobby and so on.

However, I don't really care what I look like (I would like to be fitter, rather than thinner, and that's about health) I don't worry if the house is a mess, we don't have expensive holidays or cars. I know people look down at our house because we are on a council estate, but it's not a priority to me.

Of course if one of us lost our job I would probably be very different.

I am very content but it has only come to me relatively recently.

Growing older helps you to really understand that all things will pass, the crap that today has dealt you will be forgotten tomorrow.
I am very calm and relaxed and deep thinking. This seems to stop the immediate discontent that I feel, and helps me to process it and work through why I feel discontent. Usually you would not swap your own life for someone else's.
The biggest thing that makes me content, though, is random acts of kindness. I am happiest doing something for someone else. Not huge, life changing things, just tiny little things. That is what makes me truly happy. On other threads I could be called a people pleaser or a doormat or sanctimonious or do-gOoder. :(

Thank you for this lovely thread tailtwister

I'm extremely happy with my lot,yes.I value what I have and I'm pretty relaxed
Nothing fell in my lap,no bank of mum&dad - worked hard to be where I am
I have good health,healthy family,I'm solvent,good pals.so yes thumbs up from me

My philosophy is that every cloud has silver lining and my glass is always half full; never half empty. I know I am lucky but I don't think luck comes purely by chance - it is what we make. Also, I'm not a moaner and I don't care what others have. I have buried a child and a part of me always thinks - well I wouldn't have this wonderful third child if a tragedy hadn't happened. Sorry I know that sounds trite but I could be bitter rather than just sad.

I feel extremely grateful for my lot and, although I don't follow any organised religion, I'll often thank God/someone up there/my lucky stars for what I have in my life.

To be very very honest I often feel an embarrassment of riches and wonder when the shit will hit my personal fan......

I am content with life, but I'm pretty easy going and laid back. I don't know if there is a secret to it. I genuinely am not very interested in new clothes, new car, posher house sort of stuff. Am vaguely amused by 'competitive' anything (parenting, career boasting, etc). And I suspect being idle and inclined to drift happily through life without giving much of a shit about the untidiness of my house means I don't stress much about things.

I do often focus on how I'm feeling with a genuine sense of cheerfulness. I'm the type of twit who can be wandering down the street in the sunshine thinking, 'this is LOVELY! I'm really happy at this moment'. I also often find myself thinking, 'Ha! I'm sitting in the garden when I could actually be ironing/at work/doing something useful. Isn't this fab?'

I think it probably is a mindset. I'm a glass half full sort of person.

For me contentment is

Making a concious effort to appriciate what I have
A stable and happy family
Doing things for other people
Doing things for myself
Learning things
Achieving things (not nessecerily important things, I leaned the bins and the patio today and made a lovely supper)
Being active and as healthy as possible. Sport is v important to me
Compartmentalising crappy stuff (like my shitty brother)

I love my son, my home my friends, but i have nothing of material value, well nothing thats important to anyone else...why?
Because one thing i've learnt is that everyone else worrys about their needs no matter if they're millionaires, or paupers. Its Human Nature. It took a while for me to get it..but my Nana who was very wise taught me not to judge, just be happy with you. She was a very frugal lady who was compassionate and kind, shes dead now, but she's always there.
If you can look yourself in the eye every day, well then, to me, you're doing a brilliant job xxxx

I'm content because ive also made it through hard times,and that's shaped me
I wouldn't have chosen to experience these things but stoically I have
I have learned together we are stronger.and we are

I'm fairly content. That's not to say that I'm happy with every single bit of my life. In fact if I were to list everything that I'm not happy with, it'd look pretty depressing but I think it's the way you look at it and to do with which bits are the most important to you. The most important bits for me are great and so the other things don't worry me as much. I either accept that they're out of my control so not worth worrying about or in my control and if they bother me that much, I can work out what I'm going to do about it.

Feel very contented. I still have dreams (nightmares) that I am not with DH or in my old,job. Having suffered depression, been very
Lonely and had a job which I enjoyed but sucked me dry, I truly appreciate having DH, my lovely part time job and gorgeous DC. Feel so blessed. Life throws us challenges, redundancy, illness but we are lucky. As they the saying goes, happiness is a way of life not a destination. We don't live in a big house, as would rather have savings and spare cash. No fancy cars either. :)

Thank you so much for this thread.I have been feeling a bit down,withdrawn and reflecting on a recent tough time the last few days when really there are so many good things to be thankful for.My perspective just got skewed.
Like Scottishmummy going through a turbulent time has only made me feel more content with the small and simple things. A walk and a good natter with a friend.Nursing a cup of coffee and taking a small chunk of time out to myself.A funny text from one of my lovely DDs .Time spent cuddling my lovely old dog who loves me unconditionally.A soak in the bath with a good book.Doing competitive crosswords with DH -him on the IPad and me with paper and pen and seeing who finishes first.Wild eh?!
Think one thing from this thread I need to hold onto is to stop worrying and getting angry about things I can't do anything about,or that happened and I can't change.Then I would be even more content.

I am kind of lucky because it took me 12 years and a lot of fertility treatment to have my son. After struggling so long and then having him (he is 16 months now) I think I am probably as close to contentment as I ever will be. It's kind of like winning the lottery in some ways.

I work in the frontline of the health service and every day see people whose lives have turned on a dime and imploded. They and their families will never ever fully recover from the effects of the car crash, the fall, the rape, the heart attack..these things happen to someone, somewhere everyday.
And every day I thank Christ for the utterly blissful boringness of my life...which doesn't mean I can't be pissed off when I get a parking ticket or my neighbour's dogs wake up at 5am, but it does mean I know what box to put all that trivial shit in.

Smugsmuggler. That a great post and very true.

smugs xx thats it xx