To wonder what the bloody secret to contentment is?

[Tailtwister]

AIBU to wonder if contentment exists and if so, how do you damn well get it?

You meet some people who just seem so content with their lives in general and appear to be able to enjoy all the great things and not be overly bothered by the bad. They are often not those who have the most in a material sense, but seem to be so happy with what they do have IYSWIM. I would LOVE to be like that, but I'm just a discontent and dare I say it, jealous person. I hate being like that, but wonder if that's just me, the way I am.

So, all those who are content with their lot. What's the secret? Is it just a mind set which you either have or not?

[LupeVelez]

I think life fluctuates. There have been times when I've felt I'm free from various unhappinesses (if that's a word) and everything is lovely, but it doesn't last, and then things change again. People who are more driven might be able to change things more, maybe. I seem to be a bit of a fatalist.

[encyclogirl]

I always seem to be striving for the next thing.

I have a lovely family life and that gives me enormous contentment, but I am very restless in other ways. I wish I could just sit and 'be' for a while.

[stuckonsmallrock]

Westiemama & Waterlego both put it perfectly for me. Waterlego my situation isnt exactly the same as yours but not far off - it is amazing how it changes your perspective on life.

I also never read magazines or watch much TV (apart from Cbeebies!)

[PoodleFlavouredFreddos]

I such an anxious, worried, control freaky person I get worried that i will never feel content, but striving for contentment is what keeps me fighting through the awfulness of all the anxiety - I know what I want out of life & I think if I fight hard enough I'll get there. my DP drives me around the bend as he isn't content (we have had a lot of very hard and sad times lately, and everything is a bit shit) but he seems to think everything will be okay because that is how it should be, but he won't fight to get there. he just sits and wait for everything to fix itself. I think people who are not content, can be, but I think it takes effort.

[Oblomov]

I find it hard to find enjoyment.
I just trot along with every day life. Mostly fine. Going on nursery days out, or end of term picnics.
But I don't seem to be able to take much PLEASURE out of these things. And I can't quite put my finger on why. which makes me even more worried about what is actually wrong with me........
goes off to ponder. I know this is not good, but not sure what I need to change to alter this.

[Weaselicious]

Owllady - that's known as Chizz in our house and is a Friday night staple. Chinese and fizz. Can't beat it :). I was talking about attitudes to life with a very dear friend the other night who's had more than her fair share of shit to deal with. I have too - I lost my father and my FIL within three months of each other, got made redundant, have been helping my mum who has MS and have recently had an ectopic. It's been dreadful. But. As my mate was saying, you have two options. Curl up and give up, or keep battling on and, like others have said, find joy in the small stuff. Do the stuff you love, love the ones you're with, and there's always room in my life for Anthony Di Nozzo :).

[Owllady]

dh has agreed we can have chizz tonight :o

I think going through shit does make you weigh up things better but I do think in some ways it can make you more frightened and often overwhelmed too. I think i am quite content though I think

My MIL always says rearranging your furniture often is a sign you are not content (wtf?!_)

[Weaselicious]

Chizz on a Wednesday? That's just crazy talk!

[Owllady]

last day of term weaslicious, last day of term :o

[ThinkAboutItTomorrow]

I don't think contentment is something to look for.

Sorry to go against the flow but I think striving is part of being human. Not being content is what drives discovery and creativity. It's a good thing.

Not being happy is not a good thing but content sounds too accepting to my mind.

I am happy (very) but hope I am never content - I always want to be on the edge looking for more, not necessarily more stuff but more experience, more fun, more knowledge....

[ThinkAboutItTomorrow]

and more chinese and fizz (though not sure about the order of those)

[ShesAStar]

ThinkAboutItTomorrow - you can want more experiences, more fun, more knowledge but still be content. Without new experiences we may as well be dead!!

[katydid02]

Yes. I have no money and little time to do things for myself but I have a job that I love and a lovely family. I'd say I am fairly content :) I wouldn't change anything anyway.

[ThinkAboutItTomorrow]

Can you though? I though contentment was having everything you want or need?

[middleclassdystopia]

I think capitalism tries to keep us in a state of want. I try to stay true to myself in that I really don't believe fancy cars and holidays matter.

I found my true self after coming through an abusive childhood. Cutting contact with my abusers was the biggest step I took to contentment.

I am introvert, a home person. I read and write. I have two children and a happy marriage. They are worth more than all the gold in the world.

[cory]

I am sure contentment can include being content with your own aspirations of learning more and achieving more.

Discontent can just as easily be paralysing. My mother has been affected by this through life, though being very easily content in terms of money and status. But despite being brilliant has never been able to settle to one field because that has always left her feeling discontent and insecure about not achieving in other areas. She doesn't have the basic placidity to stick to one area and do it well.

(not meaning she couldn't stick to a job, she has always been most conscientious; but if she had been a calmer person she could have done something BIG)

[Owllady]

it must be more than that, it can';t mean everything, we have to break it down into smaller things....

Contentment is
the third day of your annual holiday
sitting on top of a hill with your dog and looking down
snuggling under the duvet with wriggly children
just finishing watching a good film
finishing a good book
anything cava related
on so on

add your own

[SophiaStantonLacy]

I remember my mother declaring contentment as the ultimate goal in life and thinking how sad that was. Now, at the ripe old of age of 42, I think she was spot on.

I think the trick is mindfulness - noticing when you are happy. Happiness is a fleeting thing, contentment is more enduring. So if you can be mindful in the midst of a busy life, you learn to spot those little moments of happiness. Feeling the sun on your back when hanging out the washing, the feeling of a small warm hand tucking into yours on the school run, the swing of a beloved child's hair as she dances in the garden to a tune only she can hear - at the risk of being nauseatingly Pollyanna-ish, its noticing these things that bring me pleasure. And each little noticing builds to a cumulative state of contentment. It is something that you can practice - a little daily reflection for 5 minutes will bring the revelation of that days happinesses.

Other fundamentals - for me - are exercise and yoga, not watching too much TV or reading glossy magazines, having some form of creative outlet be it gardening or sewing or cooking and finally contributing to a community or volunteering. From those you get health, immunity to social aspiration, creativity and altruism. All adds up to contentment.

[123bucklemyshoe]

So...I'm going to risk sounding trite - deciding to be happy is a start. You can still strive, e.g. I am doing a MA ...it is just done from a different perspective. It probably won't make me richer and I will be different because of the experience...it just won't make me happier.

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

I'm content with what I have - mainly my gorgeous DCs (though not a possession I know !), my home and garden, a few possessions which mean something to me (but not many), a car that goes and plays Classic FM !

What makes me a little discontent is the quality of my relationships (mainly with DH - also DCs at times) and my frustration at the difficulty of finding rewarding work for which I'm appreciated (just a little !) - perhaps I'm expecting too much of work, though I don't think I'm expecting too much from my relationships It's all about relationship and experiences for me.

Also, after 14 years of parenthood (and it's largely domestic world) I would like to widen my horizons a little. I love travelling and have a wanderlust itch !

[ShesAStar]

ThinkAboutIt- you can be content within yourself. I.e enjoy your holidays and not worry that someone somewhere had a better one or enjoy your days without feeling you are missing out. If you are content you will have a new experience and enjoy it for what it was - if you aren't you will have a new experience and feel it was a let down, or you may feel someone else who was with you on the experience was having a better time than you.

[MrsHoarder]

Its a mindset. Deciding that the small child refusing to go to sleep means more cuddles rather than focusing on less wine.

And I still strive, I'm loving the chance to do an msc atm, being intellectually stretched and developing my own work

[BrianTheMole]

Its about not worrying what other people think of you, as well as seeking the positives, however shitty the situation.