I get a million pounds a week in benefits

[usualsuspect]

And a 30 room mansion in the country with a swimming pool.

Not to mention all my 45 children have horses and go to private school by helicopter.

Are you jealous? Eh?

How's your goat though?

But you steal your own tax ,Randall.

So it's all good

I'm frothing with rage about that though.

To be fair Randall, if you didn't steal your own tax the bastard government would only get their hands on it and use it bail out some European country so it's no great loss is it?

Are all your kids with the same dad or 45 different ones?

I don't know what I'm going to do if things change, I may have to sell some of the herd in order to keep me in booze and fags.

Do you reckon they'd let me swap the dog for a goat?

The dog's really stupid, and she eats stuff that isn't food. She did once shit a fiver though so swings and roundabouts I suppose.

Are you IDS?

Boulevard

Hey everyone, I found the book that "fable" is from, it's here.

@ RPF's dog.

usual I love this thread but I have to admit that it's taking quite a lot of restraint to keep it funny!

You are on fire today,Murder

Don't bugger off again fgs.

MammaTJ - I never talk to my kids and give them loads of red bull. Works a treat. ADHD's the easiest SN to give your children, if you can scrounge a playstation off someone, but put Thomas and Friends on a repeated loop for a few weeks and you might manage some ASD, too.

Murder :o

Massive arf @ MOG's link. Priceless!

You gotta laugh,Itsokay.

It's less painful than banging your head against a brick wall.

I've just opened me giro cheque but there wasn't enough room to fit all the noughts in, so I have sent it back. Cheek!

Hey everyone, when I was living in my council flat I told them I didn't like the wallpaper and it was making me too depressed to work so they got him that looks like a woman off of changing rooms in and he re-did it all in fifty pound notes instead of wallpaper.

I didn't like it cos it was too distracting from my seven 42 inch 3 Dee Plasma tellys so, I told them that wasn't good enough and they did it again in hundreds. And did mention they bought my son 10 PS3s, 8 XBoxs and 15 Nintendo DSs.

Anyway then I told them my arm was too sore from pulling notes off the wall to put rubbish in the bin or do any housework, so they sent round someone off the telly to clean up every day three times a day.

After that the plumbing broke so they fixed it with gold and platinum taps with all diamonds coming out when you turned them on.

Usual I shall try not to let it get to me so much this time

I also forgot to mention that I got my son diagnosed with SEN, just to get the extra benefits, which was dead easy, I just told the doctor he was hard to control and couldn't concentrate at school, even though I couldn't really be arsed looking after him.

MurderOfGoths - I was suddenly convinced you'd linked to an Ayn Rand book and that story would actually be there..!

Boulevard I've never actually read Ayn Rand, so maybe it is

Murder! Love it

Why have you only got a country mansion. Surely you need somewhere in town as well? Somewhere in central London should do it.

Fair point Clay, hmm... hey Usual do you think this place would be too small for you?