I get a million pounds a week in benefits

[usualsuspect]

And a 30 room mansion in the country with a swimming pool.

Not to mention all my 45 children have horses and go to private school by helicopter.

Are you jealous? Eh?

[usualsuspect]

[HighJinx]

I just saw an article on the Daily Mail website about a woman who says "I'm so rich I spent a million pounds on perfume in two months" here

It's you isn't it usual ?

[feelingood]

benefits = 10% of total welfare budget arrrfff

[usualsuspect]

He spends his benefits on cat nip

I think he deals it tbh.

[MurderOfGoths]

Hope you're making them pay for a cat translator!

[usualsuspect]

Yy, keep the sub letting under your hats.

The cat gets his own benefits ,Salmo.


He's been to sign on today.

[ClayDavis]

That's good to hear, usual. A little bit of extra income on the side. I promise not to tell anyone or report you.

[Salmotrutta]

Do you get a Mad Cat Allowance usual?

[MurderOfGoths]

Oh them, heard they've just had another baby

[usualsuspect]

I've rented out Buckingham palace to some other scroungers.

[MurderOfGoths]

Fair point Clay, hmm... hey Usual do you think this place would be too small for you?

[ClayDavis]

Why have you only got a country mansion. Surely you need somewhere in town as well? Somewhere in central London should do it.

[emilyeggs]

Murder! Love it

[MurderOfGoths]

Boulevard I've never actually read Ayn Rand, so maybe it is

[BoulevardOfBrokenSleep]

MurderOfGoths - I was suddenly convinced you'd linked to an Ayn Rand book and that story would actually be there..!

[flippinada]

I also forgot to mention that I got my son diagnosed with SEN, just to get the extra benefits, which was dead easy, I just told the doctor he was hard to control and couldn't concentrate at school, even though I couldn't really be arsed looking after him.

[MurderOfGoths]

Usual I shall try not to let it get to me so much this time

[flippinada]

Hey everyone, when I was living in my council flat I told them I didn't like the wallpaper and it was making me too depressed to work so they got him that looks like a woman off of changing rooms in and he re-did it all in fifty pound notes instead of wallpaper.

I didn't like it cos it was too distracting from my seven 42 inch 3 Dee Plasma tellys so, I told them that wasn't good enough and they did it again in hundreds. And did mention they bought my son 10 PS3s, 8 XBoxs and 15 Nintendo DSs.

Anyway then I told them my arm was too sore from pulling notes off the wall to put rubbish in the bin or do any housework, so they sent round someone off the telly to clean up every day three times a day.

After that the plumbing broke so they fixed it with gold and platinum taps with all diamonds coming out when you turned them on.

[SoleSource]

I've just opened me giro cheque but there wasn't enough room to fit all the noughts in, so I have sent it back. Cheek!

[usualsuspect]

You gotta laugh,Itsokay.

It's less painful than banging your head against a brick wall.

[RandallPinkFloyd]

Massive arf @ MOG's link. Priceless!

[ouryve]

Murder :o

[ouryve]

MammaTJ - I never talk to my kids and give them loads of red bull. Works a treat. ADHD's the easiest SN to give your children, if you can scrounge a playstation off someone, but put Thomas and Friends on a repeated loop for a few weeks and you might manage some ASD, too.

[usualsuspect]

You are on fire today,Murder

Don't bugger off again fgs.

[ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath]

@ RPF's dog.

usual I love this thread but I have to admit that it's taking quite a lot of restraint to keep it funny!