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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have told the child in the supermarket to please stop staring

209 replies

twilighteyes · 22/07/2013 18:34

At the self service checkouts, I noticed a little girl (perhaps 7 or 8) looking at me. I had an "unexpected item" so assumed that was why she was looking, but then I became conscious of it and realised she was staring at me! I don't know why, as I wasn't wearing anything unusual and I don't think that I look remarkable, either in a positive or negative way.

As we were going out she was staring again and when I was getting into my car she and her mum (I presume) were getting into the one next to me and she was just staring. It was really making me feel uncomfortable and I said "hi, is there something I can help you with?" Girl turns scarlet, gets into the car and mum drives away. As I drove off she was staring again.

AIBU to think this is really rude? It made me feel really disconcerted (and yes I have checked and my skirt isn't in my pants or anything!)

OP posts:
FryOneFatManic · 22/07/2013 19:09

A polite "Hi, is there something I can help you with?" is not harsh, at all.

mamij · 22/07/2013 19:11

YABU.

Firstly, she's still young even if she's 7 or 8.

And secondly, she could have special needs.

We went camping last week, and this boy (maybe 12/13ish) couldn't stop staring at us while his parents put up their tent. We ended up inviting him to join our games - he has special needs.

Sparklingbrook · 22/07/2013 19:12

Sad poor child. Maybe she thought you had nice clothes or pretty hair?

QueenofKelsingra · 22/07/2013 19:13

she's only a child! she was probably just curious about something! my ds always stares at blonde ladies, for no other reason than all the women in the family and my friends happen to be brunette and its a novelty for him. a 7 year old can hardly mean you any harm by staring. I understand anxiety (I hate it if I feel adults or teens are staring) but she is just a child.

WinkyWinkola · 22/07/2013 19:13

Are you startlingly beautiful?

wigglesrock · 22/07/2013 19:15

Why didn't you just say Hiya? That would have let her know that you were aware that she was staring and probably would have alerted her Mum to the fact that you felt her daughter was being rude.

You made a sarky comment to a 7 year old - who was looking at you for 10 mins in a public place - a bit unpleasant. I think the fact that you're asking means you know you overreacted.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 22/07/2013 19:18

YANBU

Yes she might have SN. Yes she's maybe a bit young, but actually maybe she was just rude or had never been told that staring is bad manners.

What you said wasn't harsh at all.

complexnumber · 22/07/2013 19:20

Maybe she thought you had nice clothes or pretty hair?

Or a face like a bag of spanners?

quoteunquote · 22/07/2013 19:20

It was unnecessary for you to make a child feel uncomfortable, you are an adult and should know better,

One of my autistic children does this, he is not conscious of doing it, and would devastated if someone spoke to him the way you did to that child.

very odd.

Parmarella · 22/07/2013 19:23

Staring is only rude in the UK,

I keep forgetting, and stare at all the fascinating people around me.

On the continent, part of the fun of sitting outside with a drink is "people watching"!

Why is looking at people rude? People are interesting

floatyflo · 22/07/2013 19:23

Bloody hell. I think you were rude not the child. What is wrong with some people?!

floatyflo · 22/07/2013 19:24

Grin complex

StepAwayFromTheEcclesCakes · 22/07/2013 19:25

maybe she like your face/ hair/ cardigan/ lipstick etc etc... I often look closely at people for these very reasons and think they must worry about me if they catch me at it... I usually say oops sorry for staring but I love how you get your eyeliner so straight wish I could manage that (or whatever it is)

kali110 · 22/07/2013 19:27

I dont think yabu you didn't shout at her. I get annoyed by kids when they continuously stare. I dont say anything i just stare back!you weren't rude or nasty just forget about it

perplexedpirate · 22/07/2013 19:28

I'm going to go against the grain here and say that I think 7/ 8 years is plenty old enough to know that staring is rude.
You weren't nasty, or rude, you just asked her (sort of) why she was staring.
I think that's fair dos.

pianodoodle · 22/07/2013 19:28

I think what you said seems a bit sarcastic for a child to necessarily get your meaning...

I'd have just left it TBH. She was only a little girl. She also could have been much younger than you guessed.

Viviennemary · 22/07/2013 19:29

YABU. Lot's of children stare. Just ignore them. The child wasn't doing anything wrong and it wasn't up to you to correct her behaviour.

Procrastinating · 22/07/2013 19:31

YABU. You were rude and very uptight indeed.

LoverOfTheLight · 22/07/2013 19:31

You should have said "would you like a picture, it lasts longer?"

Or pulled a really scary face

Or stuck your fingers up

Not really, I'd have ignored her. Some times children just stare. I just stare back, turn it in to a bit of a competition Grin

DoJo · 22/07/2013 19:32

YABU - your anxiety isn't her problem, and whilst she may have made you feel uncomfortable surely you were about to remove yourself from the situation by the point you said something anyway so why bother? I can understand that it feels a little intrusive to be stared at, but it's not exactly annoying or upsetting, whereas it sounds like you did upset her by what you said. I think removing yourself from the situation would have been a more appropriate response or just ignoring her/making a funny face or similar.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 22/07/2013 19:33

I hate being stared at too and 7 or 8 is WAY old enough to know that it's rude.

Except in Italy where people stare at one another all day long.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie · 22/07/2013 19:35

Procrastinating how on earth was the OP "rude and uptight"?? She said "Hi...is there something I can help you with." not "fuck off you stary little horror".

ZZZenagain · 22/07/2013 19:36

I don't think you were horrible. She probably just thought you looked nice

WinkyWinkola · 22/07/2013 19:37

I don't think the op was out of order at all. She didn't frighten the girl and not was she rude.

The girl wasn't threatened in any way but she was behaving a bit strangely. It's fine and good for other grown ups to gently question this.

Procrastinating · 22/07/2013 19:40

Neo by saying "Hi...is there something I can help you with." the OP actually MEANT "fuck off you stary little horror".

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