to have told the child in the supermarket to please stop staring

[twilighteyes]

At the self service checkouts, I noticed a little girl (perhaps 7 or 8) looking at me. I had an "unexpected item" so assumed that was why she was looking, but then I became conscious of it and realised she was staring at me! I don't know why, as I wasn't wearing anything unusual and I don't think that I look remarkable, either in a positive or negative way.

As we were going out she was staring again and when I was getting into my car she and her mum (I presume) were getting into the one next to me and she was just staring. It was really making me feel uncomfortable and I said "hi, is there something I can help you with?" Girl turns scarlet, gets into the car and mum drives away. As I drove off she was staring again.

AIBU to think this is really rude? It made me feel really disconcerted (and yes I have checked and my skirt isn't in my pants or anything!)

[cheerfulweather]

"I'm confused. So you said 'hi is there anything I can help you with?'

Then why does it say in your title you asked her to stop staring please?"

^ This

So which is it, OP?

[Sallystyle]

My 10 year old worries me. He stares at people, he so very nosy he has been known to stop dead on the street just to listen to people walking by

I tell him off every time he does it and we talk about it all the time, but if I don't notice him doing it then people might wonder why this kid is staring at them. He is a nosy parkerpeople watcher who hasn't managed the art of subtlety.

He's not trying to be rude, he just finds everyone and every conversation amazing. He will grow up to be the neighbourhood watch I am sure.

[ComposHat]

christ almighty op you sound a right charmer!

[skylit]

I hate kids that stare, makes me want to pull faces at them.

[LouiseSmith]

You could of just smiled at her. Children stare its what they do.

Its a long way up on that pedestal isn't it.

[digerd]

My DM taught us that staring at that age was rude- but I was not aware that I was staring.
Now I don't think I'd be aware of a child staring at me as my thoughts are elsewhere < usually all over the place>. And if I did, it wouldn't bother me as only a young child, different if an adult.
IMO you over reacted.

[miffybun73]

The child was 7 or 8, not 2.

If they don't know by now that staring is rude and that it makes people feel uncomfortable then it's about time they did.

Fairly basic social skill that my 5 year old can cope with.

Disclaimer - maybe the child either had SN, otherwise no excuse.

YANBU OP.

[BatwingsAndButterflies]

It is rude to stare and it does no harm at all to let children be aware of that

One of the children (age 11) I work with asked me how much I earned recently (in context of a conversation about tax and wages). I did tell her but also explained gently that it was considered rude to ask people what they earn. I'm sure she will remember for the future and save herself some embarrassment.

[CrabbyBigBottom]

So a question for all the loons posters who think that the op was being unforgivably rude to this poor delicate child...

If the child had been staring at another child (or adult) with an obvious disability, would it still be absolutely fine, just what kids do, etc etc?

[CrabbyBigBottom]

Come off it. If you were shopping with your child and someone said this to your child you would have all gone mental. Along with screaming about perverts and child snatchers.

Er... no, no I wouldn't.

[Gruntfuttock]

Cravey
"Got to say if you had said that t my child you would be getting a nice big mouthful back from me. How horrid. That little girl could have had special needs. Or failing that she could have just been a little girl that you ( the adult ) bullied. Rude and horrid.

What an extreme and completely OTT response. The OP neither raised her voice nor swore at the child. I can't see anything "rude and horrid" in what she said. You, on the other hand, sound charming. "A nice big mouthful" eh?

[ComposHat]

"A nice big mouthful"

I probably have an incredibly juvenile semse of humour but that made me do my high pitched Kenneth Williams laugh.


Ain't she bold?

[twilighteyes]

I agree my title is misleading but what happened was pretty much exactly as I described in my first post - after a good ten minutes of her staring at me I asked her if there was anything I could help with. sorry if others feel it was rude and horrid and I have upset her, this wasn't my intention but I will admit I did want her to stop staring as it was making me uncomfortable. I have only recently come out of hospital and it's difficult sometimes going about my daily business as I do imagine people are staring at me when they are not. so when they do even when it's "only" a child it's hard. in fact in some ways it's harder when it is a child as children tend to be more honest than adults so i'm afraid I did find myself imagining what on earth it was. anyway I am sorry for anyone I've offended, but I really don't think I said anything that bad.

[wilkos]

Poor little girl it was a passive aggressive thing to say and you shouldn't have said it.

[CrabbyBigBottom]

You didn't, twilight, you didn't say anything that bad at all. It is rude to stare at other people, and children should be taught not to do things that make others feel uncomfortable and upset. You said something that was mildly reproachful after she'd been staring at you for for ten minutes. If you embarrassed her, hopefully it will help her remember next time that if you stare continuously at a stranger, there might be an outcome you don't like. Good lesson to learn, and one learned in a very gentle way. The next person she does that to might be a lot less gentle in how they react. Don't listen to the absurd overreactions on this thread - put it down to the heat.

[hobnobsaremyfavourite]

why ask aibu if you clearly think you weren't.

[CrabbyBigBottom]

MrsDV and if noone ever pulls her up on staring at others (considering how vulnerable the op has said that she currently is, she may have been picking up on something there), how will she know that it's unacceptable (as her parent clearly wasn't doing anything about it) to stare at those with more obvious differences or disabilities?

[AKissIsNotAContract]

Maybe you had a bogey on your face.

[Emilythornesbff]

So.... "aibu?"
"yes, a bit"
"no. Actually ianbu"

Ok.

It wasn't really a biggie anyway tbh.

[Emilythornesbff]

Out of interest why do think she might have been staring at you?

Because if you have just undergone some disfiguring procedure, for example, then I can totally see why you said what you did. But then I can't imagine why you would ask if you were u. IYSWIM.

[twilighteyes]

Emily she was definitely staring at me and actually I have accepted I was being unreasonable, however I don't accept I was nasty as actually I was very polite. I didn't think this thread would evoke such strong responses actually but nowhere have I said no I'm not being unreasonable, I've just said I wasn't rude which I wasn't.

[WinkyWinkola]

CrabbyBigBottom, I love your name and I agree with you.

[twilighteyes]

thanks, like I say I accept I was unreasonable if I was, but I definitely wasn't rude, I just really, really wanted the staring to stop.

[CrabbyBigBottom]

Thank you Winky, I've lost a stone and a half since the beginning of May (thank you BIWI's bootcamp) so it isn't quite as big as it used to be, but I like the name so I'm not changing it!