to have told the child in the supermarket to please stop staring

[twilighteyes]

At the self service checkouts, I noticed a little girl (perhaps 7 or 8) looking at me. I had an "unexpected item" so assumed that was why she was looking, but then I became conscious of it and realised she was staring at me! I don't know why, as I wasn't wearing anything unusual and I don't think that I look remarkable, either in a positive or negative way.

As we were going out she was staring again and when I was getting into my car she and her mum (I presume) were getting into the one next to me and she was just staring. It was really making me feel uncomfortable and I said "hi, is there something I can help you with?" Girl turns scarlet, gets into the car and mum drives away. As I drove off she was staring again.

AIBU to think this is really rude? It made me feel really disconcerted (and yes I have checked and my skirt isn't in my pants or anything!)

[thornrose]

Broken, my (SN) dd did it a lot too, as I said up thread.

I've been turned on by people demanding to know why dd is staring and she still remembers the worst occasions.

I agree that ignoring would surely be the "grown up" option.

[MyBaby1day]

YANBU, staring is rude, I get it a lot and sometimes all the time presume it's cause I'm a half Asian girl, normally just stare right back. Yes she's a child but it's still not acceptable behaviour.

[doireallywant3]

You should try the metro or any other European public transport. People stare, they just know you aren't native. Then they stare some more and you feel so paranoid it's ridiculous. Then the next time, you realise that they just have no shame, or concept of 'personal space' (a la Patrick swayze in dirty dancing). That's how they are. Kids are the same. Nothing personal. YANBU but still, get over it! Really the are probably thinking that you have really nice hair, or that you look like their cousin, or that they wish they could ask you where your top is from, or wish they had your fab boobs(that's just me)

[doireallywant3]

Just retread your post, seriously, a child staring at you? She probably thought you were a goddess for whatever reason you are too modest to know! Usually if a kid thinks you are odd they wil say something inappropriate. If they just stare they are in awe of you... Take it as a compliment and worry about something more serious

[EatYourCrusts]

She could have been a tall 5 year old. A boy on the train, about 13, told off my just 4 year old for staring at him. He said she was weird. My 4 year old was quite frightened by this. She is tall and I am short, people often think she should be acting older than she does. :(

That boy was just incredibly rude too, unfortunately.

Anyway OP, I think you should have just let it go, to be honest.

[twilighteyes]

Ok, yes, grip, got, pathetic, yes, I get it, I get it, I've said IABU but I did not say anything t first it was after ten minutes of prolonged staring, I did not tell her off, I was not rude, it was unsettling me, I get this makes me not only unreasonable but a complete failure of a human being GOT IT

[WinkyWinkola]

Twilight eyes, I'm sorry but the posters saying you were out of order are wrong. And ott.

[twilighteyes]

thank you winky, I'm sorry others have had experiences with people being rude to them/their children for staring but I WASN'T. And, I DID ignore it to start with, but after TEN MINUTES yes I was feeling pretty paranoid and unsettled by it. honestly, try it some time, you may find its not as easy to laugh off as you may think.

[WinkyWinkola]

Well you're allowed to feel unsettled by it. I think most would after ten minutes of it.

Now forget about it and I reckon leave this thread because it's going nowhere. Next time post in chat or something.

[twilighteyes]

thanks :)

[RabbitFromAHat]

Assuming you weren't sarky and unpleasant in your delivery (which it doesn't sound like you were) I don't think you've done anything wrong at all OP, and some people here are being madly OTT. Nobody wants to be dropped into The Children of the Corn!

At the same time, what a bizarre list of things there seems to be to 'get wrong' in behaviour in Britain. At what point does people-watching, one of the world's oldest and most fun activities, turn into what's called 'staring'? Who decides it's rude? And if there's a point at which it's suddenly 'rude', how is 7 year old supposed to work out when that is? Straaaaange.

I am not British.

[Pozzled]

OP, I think you YWNBU and I struggle to understand why people have reacted so strongly.

The situation you describe would also have made me uncomfortable. I don't have anxiety issues but I do have fairly low self-esteem sometimes and being stared at for so long would make me feel quite paranoid about what was wrong.

I'm also confused by the comments of 'she was 7, they do stare'. I honestly didn't realise it was considered normal for children this age to stare. I haven't noticed it myself.

I can understand that the child might have had SN- I would probably have made that assumption (rightly or wrongly) and therefore would not have reacted.

But I think that unless the OP used a rude/sarcastic tone then what she said was fine. Certainly not something to be attacked for.

[WinkyWinkola]

But her illness and anxiety have nothing to do with the issue of a child who was being a wee bit rude even if she didn't realise it.

The op didn't tell her off but a gentle admonishment would not have been out of order here.

I hope someone would do the same for my child if I hadn't noticed they were staring so much.

I thought it took a village and all that...

[BlueStones]

I also think some posters have been way OTT. Twilight- for what it's worth I still think what you said was quite acceptable and even normal. This is how children learn - by adults NICELY letting them know where behavioural boundaries lie.

[propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS]

Yabu, OP. she is just a child and not causing you any real distress. If you had been in a wheelchair or had an obvious 'difference' then I could be sympathetic to you feeling uncomfortable at being stared at. As it is though the girl was probably looking at you because you reminded her if someone she knows. No biggie and not worthy of drama.

[EatYourCrusts]

Oh hang on, I meant the boy was rude as well as thinking DD was older, not rude as well as you!
Though I do think you overreacted.

[propertyNIGHTmareBEFOREXMAS]

And to add, a similar thing happened to me a couple if years ago. A 11 to 12 year old boy stood and stared at me for about 10 minutes. It culminated in home coming over and literally hugging me as hard as he could. I hugged him back, he was clearly upset. His carer helped him to let go and explained I looked like his big sister. I was not remotely offended. No harm meant or done.

[Emilythornesbff]

As an aside, I'm surprised by the strength of feeling about looking at people / staring being so unforgivably rude..
Like it's akin to throwing poo.
That's very rude.

[Katnisscupcake]

twilight, YABU to put this in AIBU because it's clearly something that unsettled you. Sorry that you've had a flaming.

I would have felt exactly the same but probably wouldn't have said anything because I also have self-esteem issues and may not have liked the answer. Crazy isn't it? They're just children, but some people are effected by anyone staring.

I do also think that by that age, DC should know that staring is rude. I certainly did by that age... DD knows it now and she's just turned 4.

[twilighteyes]

Thanks. Mrs d it wasn't relevant at the time as I hadn't had people saying I was pathetic, get a fucking grip; I also didn't want people saying I imagined it. I didn't. Fwiw I am fairly accurate at age-ing kids as I was a primary teacher before I became too unwell to go back. And no before you ask she wasn't a student as that was a long long way from here.