to have told the child in the supermarket to please stop staring

[twilighteyes]

At the self service checkouts, I noticed a little girl (perhaps 7 or 8) looking at me. I had an "unexpected item" so assumed that was why she was looking, but then I became conscious of it and realised she was staring at me! I don't know why, as I wasn't wearing anything unusual and I don't think that I look remarkable, either in a positive or negative way.

As we were going out she was staring again and when I was getting into my car she and her mum (I presume) were getting into the one next to me and she was just staring. It was really making me feel uncomfortable and I said "hi, is there something I can help you with?" Girl turns scarlet, gets into the car and mum drives away. As I drove off she was staring again.

AIBU to think this is really rude? It made me feel really disconcerted (and yes I have checked and my skirt isn't in my pants or anything!)

[Emilythornesbff]

Oh. Ok.
Sorry twilight I misunderstood.

[Emilythornesbff]

And as I has said before. Even if u, it wasn't that bad IMHO.

[OneStepCloser]

There's a million reasons why a child might stare, perhaps you look like someone she's knows, your hair colour or style, you clothes etc.... I'm pretty sure she didn't mean it personally.

[twilighteyes]

I acknowledged that onestep but it doesn't make it any less uncomfortable when someone stares at you for ten minutes, i accept i was unreasonable to question her about it, but it was a pretty unpleasant experience for me as well and other posters can pooh pooh that as much as they want, but it made me highly anxious and close to tears. they're the facts, sorry if that makes me pathetic but it did.

[CrabbyBigBottom]

MrsDV I didn't say that noone ever has.
Is it really unusual for people to stare? Because I've heard lots of accounts of people, child or adult, staring at people with obvious differences. They do that because it's natural to be interested in things that are different and outside your normal sphere of experience. But to avoid embarrassing the person concerned, it's a social norm to not stare at them to fulfill our own curiosity. That social norm may be much harder for some to learn than others, but nevertheless it's still a social norm that children are and should be taught.

For me personally, a child staring at me wouldn't particularly bother me (unless I were having a low day (longstanding depression and anxiety in which case they'd get the eyebrow stare mentioned earlier ); I think a more appropriate response might be a silly face or, as I said earlier, a friendly grin and a 'Hello, am I very interesting?'

But do I think twilight has permanently injured this little staring flower?
No I fucking don't, how ridiculous! She said 'is there something I can help you with?' not 'stop staring at me you little twat'! It was a mildly reproachful (yet still perfectly polite - children aren't good at reading the subtleties of statements, passive aggressive or otherwise) response to a socially unacceptable behaviour. If a child can't deal with that then she ain't going to get far in life imo.

This is just such a ridiculous thread, I don't know why on earth I've just typed such a lengthy reply! I'm overheated, I tell you, overheated!

[Whothefuckfarted]

Maybe she knows you from a past life.



I just make a silly face at kids who stare.

[sparklesandbling]

I think staring is rude and I say that as a mum to DD who has SN, people stare at her all the time. But by people I mean adults.

A child of 7 may not have the same upbringing as you and not know staring is rude. The child may have SN, seems likely.

If I was you OP I would get some help (in the nicest of ways) re anxiety issues.

[twilighteyes]

i have spent 6 weeks in hospital sparkles and i am better than i was, however getting better doesn't mean cured :) of course she may have had special needs of some sort but it was unpleasant to be on the receiving end of it, really, regardless of the reasons for it.

[sparklesandbling]

Sorry you are having a hard time twilighteyes.

Whilst I don't think that what you said was wrong, for parents of children with SN it can get them on the defensive. I think I would have been but only because having a child with SN is really stressful especially when doing the normal things like shopping.

Recovery as you know is a slow process and I hope you find some peace in the future.

[OneStepCloser]

Twilight, I mean this in the nicest possible way but it was child of seven years old, if your anxiety is that severe that you were close to tears then perhaps you need some help? I saying this in a totally non sarcastic way x

[twilighteyes]

well, her mum was putting the shopping away but someone said earlier i wouldn't have said it in front of the mum - i would have, i wasn't rude at all, i am not a rude person, never have been.

thank you for your kind wishes, i do feel better than I did but I am still struggling with getting 'out there' :)

[twilighteyes]

onestep, i was in hospital, i have had help, but it's an ongoing process, it's not something that happens overnight really, and yes the child was seven but honestly someone starung at you for ten minutes solid, when you're doing an ordinary thing like buying food, putting food away, well it's disconcerting put it that way and ok i maybe wouldn't have got so upset if it wasn't for anxiety and depression anyway but whatever the 'issues' it was really, really unpleasant.

[OneStepCloser]

Hope things get easier for you twilight.

Been thinking about this and I think kids staring is sometimes because they 'fixate' on something without even realising, it can be the smallest thing. But I agree that the best way to stop a child starter is to catch their eye and smile or pull a funny face or push it and stick a tongue out.

[CrabbyBigBottom]

MrsDV I didn't mean to imply that you did... I'm just sayin'.

[wilkos]

It made you want to cry?? A 7 year old girl staring made you want to cry?

And so because of YOUR anxiety that you are unable to keep a handle on, that she as a stranger and a child had no idea of, you made her ashamed?

FFS... well done OP, well done

[PugStaffyCross]

Yabu, get a grip OP. A child staring at you.... So what? You were obviously looking at her just as much.

[RonaldMcDonald]

When I read your OP twilight I wondered how you were feeling?
Many people might not have been bothered by a child staring others would, to differing extents.

You may have been a little tiny but rude.
The child will get over it.

I hope that you are okay

[CrabbyBigBottom]

wilkos what a nasty post.

Actually a whole thread of nasty posts. Shame some of you don't have the same compassion for adults that you profess to have for kids.

[wilkos]

Crabby, she was unpleasant to the child. A 7 year old.

YANBU to be upset by staring, YABU to attempt to shame a little girl.