Would I be unreasonable to say no to this wedding request, or should I grit my teeth and try?

[babybearsmummy]

I'm a cake baker by trade, but since the end of my pregnancy I decided to cut my workload down and only bake for family and friends occasions.

My friend got engaged a year ago and one of the 1st things she did was call to ask me to make her wedding cake and I was very excited for her, especially when we'd get a few mins here and there to plan it.

2 weeks after asking me, she emailed me to say that she and her fiancée had decided to go with another cake maker as her fiancée's family had always used that company for their special occasions and her o.h had presumed they would just have that company. I was futted but thought it was their day so no point getting upset.

She messaged me yesterday in a state as the wedding is on Friday and her the company has pulled out of making their cake last week. I've called my suppliers this morning but they can't get everything I need sorted until Wednesday at the earliest, leaving me with just a few hours on weds evening and Thursday evening to make it. I don't have anyone to look after dd as my o.h is working til 7pm this week and his parents are not well and there's no one else close to have her. And I don't think I'd want her to be away all day for 2 days as it's not fair on her (if I'd even get it finished in 2 days as I'd originally planned 4-5 days to get it all done)

So would I be really horrible and unreasonably selfish to say no to her? Or should I just try to get something together for her in the space of those 2 evenings? WWYD?

[YellowDinosaur]

Cross posted imperial...

[Snazzyenjoyingsummer]

Are you invited to the wedding OP?

I can't believe she has not got her head around the idea that if it's a last-minute thing, she will not be able to have exactly what she's set her heart on. That's life I'm afraid.

If she could get the supplies for you, that might help - but I would not agree to something that makes for a miserable few days for your DD and you.

[TarkaTheOtter]

I'd help her out if she is a good friend. Maybe not exactly what she wants but the best I could do. Sounds like her oh made the cake decision not her. Maybe she didn't realise you would be upset not to make it.
If she was just an acquaintance I'd say no but for a close friend I would.

[Greydog]

Just don't do it!

[LIZS]

but if they were such good friends then wouldn't she'd have rung and asked ?

[flowery]

Apart from all the other good reasons not to do it, if I were a cake baker by trade there would be no way I'd have my work on display at a wedding unless it was absolutely my best. Not a rush make-do job, which people will assume is your normal standard.

[babybearsmummy]

Right... So I've been bugging her all day and kind of get the gist of it now, but I think this whole wedding lark has send her doolally.

They decided to go with the other bakers due to the reputation they had with her DFs family and requested for a certain person there to do it (seems bizarre to me but apparently she's 'amazing') Anyway, as her story goes this person has come down ill and has taken a few weeks off sick. My deranged friend has been so psyched up about this lady doing it, has seen her previous cakes and she doesn't want anyone else there to do it.

So my friend has a call from the bakery asking if she wants anyone else to do it, gets in a strop and comes running back to the plans we made yonks ago. I've told her about my commitments and she's thrown a bit of a strop as I may have to buy a pre made cake and flowers etc, but I don't feel that I'd even have time to do that due to dd being very sad and clingy at the mo, so I've made all the suggestions everyone's said in the thread and she's buggered off in an 'I'll do it/ fix it myself/ my day is ruined' mood.

We were planning to go to the wedding, but I think I'm having second thoughts now!! Eek, I'm an awful friend aren't I?

[LIZS]

Not at all , she's the one who burnt the bridges with you then the other company.

[DuelingFanjo]

"she's thrown a bit of a strop"

oh dear

Give it a day or two and see if she calms down. she will probably realise what a knob she's being soon.

[ImperialBlether]

She's being a complete idiot. She'll be so embarrassed later. You must go to the wedding, that will just make it worse if you don't.

She'll be able to get hold of one, don't worry. She's such a fool saying only that woman could make it for her.

[LittleBearPad]

No you aren't. She's being very precious particularly regarding one specific person at the cake company doing it. Presumably all their staff are competent.

I think she had a cheek to ask you.

[Groovee]

Oh dear!

[squoosh]

Thrown a strop?

Leave her to it. I hope all she comes up with is two dozen stale fairy cakes.

[ImperialBlether]

I love some of the M&S cakes.

[Snazzyenjoyingsummer]

Unbelievable! She should be thanking you profusely for doing it at all. Really bridezilla behaviour. Let her do the best she can from M&S and don't stress yourself. I would still go to the wedding - you were invited as a guest aside of your baking abilities! Just don't even refer to it on the day, rise above the whole thing - resist the temptation to apologise for not being able to do more etc.

[YoniMitchell]

Anyone else dying for a slab of cake now?

[HerculePoirotsTache]

She's panicking, but being unrealistic if she thinks you could produce a stunning cake in so little time! I'd love to know why the other company pulled out bridezilla

[EldritchCleavage]

Don't feel guilty, babybear, this is a mess of her own making.

A sensible person would have said, 'Oh dear, I won't get exactly what I wanted, but ho hum let someone else there do it' not stormed off and tried to get you to pitch in, on your lonesome, with 2 days' notice.

And really, it is only a cake. I say that as someone whose cake makers did not follow my (quite simple) instructions for Italian meringue not buttercream. The cake was still delicious, and beautiful. I can't even remember what Italian meringue is anyway.

[TarkaTheOtter]

Oh dear! I'd have done it in an emergency, but after your last post I'd definitely say no. She's being a princess.

[pumpkinsweetie]

I wouldn't go out of my way to help her tbh, she didn't care none to your feelings before when she wanted the cake from elsewhere and now she thinks she can call on you at the very last minute when you have a child to look after and can't get the supplies! The cheek of it!

[tobiasfunke]

She's being a mental control freak - weddings do that to some people. If she was rude I wouldn't bother going to the wedding.

Thanks to whoever upthread mentioned the words SpongeBob cake and Asda in the same sentence. I thought I was going to have to make (badly) a spongebob cake this week but I googled and am now the proud owner of one SpongeBob Asda cake. Hoorah. OP - your friend maybe be a loon but my cake problems are solved

[LadyClariceCannockMonty]

She has lost it, in what seems to be typical wedding stylee!

You're not a bad friend, OP. You've tried very hard to help her out and she isn't accepting your suggestions.

[FriskyHenderson]

YoniMitchell only of it's got blue flowers on it

[pigletmania]

I personally would not, she asked you, then pulled out for another company, got let down by them and go back to you. Just say no you can't, suppliers cannot deliver until Wednesday and I do not have the time