Would I be unreasonable to say no to this wedding request, or should I grit my teeth and try?

[babybearsmummy]

I'm a cake baker by trade, but since the end of my pregnancy I decided to cut my workload down and only bake for family and friends occasions.

My friend got engaged a year ago and one of the 1st things she did was call to ask me to make her wedding cake and I was very excited for her, especially when we'd get a few mins here and there to plan it.

2 weeks after asking me, she emailed me to say that she and her fiancée had decided to go with another cake maker as her fiancée's family had always used that company for their special occasions and her o.h had presumed they would just have that company. I was futted but thought it was their day so no point getting upset.

She messaged me yesterday in a state as the wedding is on Friday and her the company has pulled out of making their cake last week. I've called my suppliers this morning but they can't get everything I need sorted until Wednesday at the earliest, leaving me with just a few hours on weds evening and Thursday evening to make it. I don't have anyone to look after dd as my o.h is working til 7pm this week and his parents are not well and there's no one else close to have her. And I don't think I'd want her to be away all day for 2 days as it's not fair on her (if I'd even get it finished in 2 days as I'd originally planned 4-5 days to get it all done)

So would I be really horrible and unreasonably selfish to say no to her? Or should I just try to get something together for her in the space of those 2 evenings? WWYD?

[AndHarry]

She is clearly addled by the heat. I hope she apologises. Do still go, you have to see what she manages to come up with!

[SauvignonBlanche]

Go to the wedding OP, the cake is not your problem though.

[StealthPolarBear]

"squoosh Mon 22-Jul-13 11:44:52


No chance, why should you get stressed out of your nut while there are cake shops from which she can buy a few cakes and chuck them together.

No one eats the bloody cake anyway."

I do!! Cake (well marzipan) is the best bit (after the champagne)

I came on to say if she's a good friend, do what you can. but as others have said, you don't want to throw something together and have people think that's the best you can do.
Sounds as though it's all sorted though...SHE will do it. Can't believe she wasn't happy for anyone else to do it.

[pigletmania]

My goodness the bridezillas are out in force recently on Mumsnet!

[lljkk]

It's a cake, ffs, it gets turned into poo within 24 hours of unveiling. Honestly. Some people.

[HorryIsUpduffed]

Crikey, she is stressed. You could never have lived up to her standards with the time available and she knows it and she's just throwing her toys out of the pram.

Since the bakers will have made her actual cake already I bet she loses her deposit and/or has to pay a substantial proportion of the agreed price. Bridezillaing can be expensive.

Have a lovely time at the wedding xx

[LemonBreeland]

She has obviously lost the plot. She has chosen not to get the original company to do it for frankly pathetic reasons.

She does have options. Youdon't need to make the cake.

One day she will realise what an idiot she has been.

[diddl]

OK-so the baker has told her that the specific person she requested is ill & would she like someone else?

don't really believe that tbh

She has said no, as you do

Wouldn't the bakers just get on & complete the order?

I mean if it was specific decoration I would get it-but the cake isn't even made??

OP-YOU ARE NOT A SHIT FRIEND.

She has time to sort something out HERSELF-with the help of her fiance's family.

[expatinscotland]

Tell her no. YANBU.

[FryOneFatManic]

So the company didn't pull out, your friend had a strop instead. Definitely was best not to attempt to make the cake, you probably would have had your friend breathing down your neck if it wasn't perfect.

[ChippingInHopHopHop]

OP - it's not you that the shit friend here! She's being a shit friend, even given Bridezilla leeway!!

Don't feel bad about it.

I'm not sure I believe her story, but even if it is true, if they hadn't told her the woman was off ill I doubt she would have noticed the difference if one of their other staff had made it.

Her drama to sort out... she has plenty of options.

I would go to the wedding if I still wanted to be friends, if I didn't I'd avoid it. If you do go or speak to her beforehand, do not mention the cake at all and do NOT aplogise, that's her job!

[ImperialBlether]

It's so hard to understand someone going so daft over a wedding cake. I find it hard to believe every generation has had their cake made by the same person but even if that was true, so bloody what? I could understand if it was the groom's mum who wanted to make the cake, but really, this situation is just ridiculous. No wonder the poor woman went off sick!

[Emilythornesbff]

you are not being a shit friend.

There isn't time, even without the childcare issue to make that cake.

YAbu to make me think about cake on a fasting day.
I need to know (for reasons of gratuitous nosiness) much more about the detail of the cake please.
Lots of suggestions have been good IMHO about helping steer her in the right direction.

I hope your DD is feeling happier soon. Teething in this heat is no fun.
As an aside, I made my own four tier fruit wedding cake [smug] (for perspective)
I have a teething dd. I'm not sure I could whip up a batch of brownies this week. I am not even attempting to clean the slightly crunchy kitchen floor, never mind making a wedding cake.

Please update. I need something to read while I'm feeding (non stop)

[Xales]

So the woman has gone off sick for weeks. If she has just gone off sick wouldn't the cake and the major decoration be well on the way to complete for this weekend? So all it would take would be one of their other equally I am sure able other cake makers to finish.

Or she has had weeks notice was banking on this poor cake maker dragging herself back and making it.

Either way your friend is an idiot to think you could make and professionally decorate presumably no cost was mentioned with a young child and having to source all necessary stuff in less than a week!

[Ipsissima]

All depends on whether you treasure this friendship or not. She was very up front with you re the cake, and reasons, and you handled it without upset.
She is now "in the lurch".
If you want to maintain the friendship, then bail her out ....Tell her that in the time thats left, you could go to M&S and buy three tiers, pre-iced, but then decorate them in your usual style!

Otherwise, if you really aren't fussed, tell her to take a hike.
Simples.

[trixymalixy]

Up thread I had said I would do a simple cake for a good friend. After your latest update I would like to revise that and say you shouldn't make the cake. If she's gone all bridezilla then whatever you do will not be good enough. She's made her own bed, she should lie in it.

[LilacPeony]

I don't understand why she doesn't want someone else at the family baker company to make it if they are offering. Surely that would be easier all round?

[Snazzyenjoyingsummer]

It sounds increasingly fishy now I think about it. As has been said, surely the cake should actually have been made weeks ago, and if this woman's gone off sick now it's just a case of getting the final decoration done? I think there has been a screw up / insult by the friend that she isn't owning up to.

[Greydog]

Snazzy, I think you're right. It sounds too fishy. And let's face it, the firm will have other competant decorators. No, babybear, you leave well alone. Hope your DD feels better soon

[Floggingmolly]

Of course you're not getting the real story. The cake would have been made weeks ago, as lots of posters have pointed out.
I bet she has been so obnoxious to the company that they've told her to take her business elsewhere. Do you really want to stand in line for the same treatment, even taking the stress of the time limits out of the equation?
Bridezilla extraordinaire!

[DameDeepRedBetty]

You're not an awful friend. Your friend has gone Bridezilla. Sincerely hope she recovers as she sounds like she used to be fairly sane and nice.

[DontmindifIdo]

oh don't make the cake now no matter what!

I might point out to her again the cake company will have started so they should be able to complete the order if she calls back in the morning to apologise for her strop.

Or call her mother (if you konw her) and point out the same. It will become that you let her down at the last minute, I'd call her mum/chief bridesmaid and say that noone could make the cake she wants from scratch at this short notice, that it's too late to go with someone else, she needs to get the cake company completing the order.

[BikeRunSki]

I'd tell her to go to M&S.