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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to do jobwise?

129 replies

catgirl1976 · 21/07/2013 17:31

I currently have been in my current job for nearly 9 years but it's changed, I don't really like it and I am bored

I have the opportunity to go for another job in a different company but I can't decide what to do

My existing job is local to me and is only a couple of miles away. I can also do the role standing on my head.

The potential new job is an hour or so commute away. I have a 19 mo DS. I would be leaving the house at 6:30am and getting home 6:30pm. I don't drive so would be relying on trains and would have increased travel costs.

The existing job is permanent - the new job is a 6 month contract with a chance to go perm.

BUT - the new job is in investment banking which sounds very attractive and better then my current industry (energy trading). And the enforced me time on the train appeals - as does working in a major city.

DH doesn't seem keen for me to take the new role. I am torn. I think my CV looks crappy with 1 job for nearly 9 years and something fresh would be good for me and good for my career, plus it could be the foot in the door to a good industry.

Anyone got any views on what they would do?

The money is better in the new role but not massively so, especially after extra travel costs.

OP posts:
monicalewinski · 21/07/2013 18:47

No advice, but personal experience of long hours and commuting; for a year (2011/2012) my job involved 12 hour shifts with an hour commute each way - it was hell.

I managed perfectly well for the first 6 months or so, but the last few months I was a wreck. I couldn't 'nip away' for the odd school assembly/kids doctor appt etc and by the time I got in at night I was exhausted. I was able to move to where I work after that year and it was such a relief, more time with kids and able to be around for stuff as required and not knackered any more.

Personally I wouldn't choose to go back to that lifestyle again, but I totally understand where you're coming from about needing to move on career wise. No help to you at all, but wanted to share the downsides (sorry!!).

scottishmummy · 21/07/2013 18:48

And no one lies on deathbed regretting a life lived and job well done

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 21/07/2013 18:49

No, it's good to hear the downsides. It needs consideration and stuff like not being able to nip for a doctors appointment etc is actually important. I'd rather go into this with my eyes open.

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 21/07/2013 18:51

Very few jobs confer ability to nip away for school stuff,one cannot expect it
The implicit deal of working is you give up your individual time in return for final remuneration
I don't go to every school event,and this doesn't particularly trouble me

VitoCorleone · 21/07/2013 18:51

Go for it!

scottishmummy · 21/07/2013 18:54

But you know from hr a planned gp appt is legitimate,you may need to show appt card
Most Employers honour gp appts.as its mutual benefit that you're well
Employer can't be expected to honour school do.your dp doesn't work wouldn't he take kids to gp?

Xmasbaby11 · 21/07/2013 18:55

If your partner is a SAHD, I can't see that it matters about rushing home if need be - I mean, of course you would want to, but one parent is there for DS.

However, I am not sure I would want to work those hours with a child. Are you planning on having more?

I would not rule it out, and if you need the new challenge, if not this job, then definitely keep looking for others. You're still in your 30s and have a lot of years of work ahead - you deserve a job you get something out to.

monicalewinski · 21/07/2013 18:59

scottishmummy absolutely I don't go to all school events and don't expect too. Just meant that when you live near your work you can shoot off for an hour at times if needs be, but when working an hour away it's impossible - it requires 3 hours off for a docs appt for example.

Totally agree ref career progression etc, just putting some downsides out there for catgirl to think about.

scottishmummy · 21/07/2013 18:59

There are numerous housewives on mn whose partner work ft demanding role
I have never seen anyone reproach a man with a demanding job to ease up a bit
The usual line is,there is housewife at home,so all the domestic/childcare is sorted

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 21/07/2013 19:00

That's it - I'm sure new job would honor GP appointment, it's just in my current role it's a quick trip down the road, not a few hours off.

OP posts:
GreatBallsofFluff · 21/07/2013 19:01

I'm out of the house 7.30 - 6.30 five days a week and I would trade it for a job next door any day of the week. I know my situation is slightly different but I find my job, plus commute plus 8 yo DD is enough and have had to give up a couple of potential relationships purely as I had neither the time or the energy after the full day at work plus hour commute plus spending quality time with DD.

But at the same time if you and DH work well as a team already and you cope well at the moment then if you feel it's right for you, go for it and best of luck Smile

Wuldric · 21/07/2013 19:09

I work in a firm where the graduate intake has been 50:50 male/female for the last 30 years. But the partner group is 90:10 male/female. I'm sure that part of this is due to institutional sexism, and part of it is to do with childcare But another part is that women are less likely to take risks and stretch themselves.

Take a (small) risk OP. Stretch yourself. You are bored now. Imagine another 25 years of it. Have fun.

scottishmummy · 21/07/2013 19:11

those of you who dont work,and dp work do you ask him to consider gp locality when considering a job

CinnamonAddict · 21/07/2013 19:13

Good luck! And you never know what your current employer comes up with once they know you're determined to leave.
And if they don't react, you know things would never have changed.

TheDoctrineOfAllan · 21/07/2013 19:19

Hi catgirl

If it turns into a permanent role or if you find a permanent opportunity in the same city, would you move to reduce your commute?

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 21/07/2013 19:26

I wouldn't move I don't think.

I really like this area. It is pretty, by the beach, low crime, good schools and my family and friends are all here

OP posts:
CreatureRetorts · 21/07/2013 19:34

God I wouldn't, sorry. I work in London, I commute and miss the two children. My job is hard but it's just part of my life - I work to live not the other way around.
Are there other jobs around? I'd be suspicious of an interi role TBH.

Wowserz129 · 21/07/2013 19:36

I am going to go against the grain and say I wouldn't consider the new job. I think 12 hours days away from your kids are a long time when you don't have to be. There is not much more money going to be made but much more hassle with trains. The main reason I wouldn't go for it is the fact it's a temp job! I just couldn't put my family at risk that I might not have a job at the end of six months. If my OH was the only income and wanted to give up a permanent job to go and work longer days on a temp contract I would think that was irresponsible. I get what everyone is saying you only live once bla bla bla but its easy to say that when you are not in that persons position.

Have you considered just keeping on looking for something more suitable? Not taking the new job doesn't mean you have to stay at your current one.

scottishmummy · 21/07/2013 19:41

And equally it's easy for you to advise op not take potential new role and payrise
but its easy to say that when you are not in that persons position.bla bla
Would those of you who dont work give same advice to your dp

monicalewinski · 21/07/2013 19:47

Yes I would sm. We have been in position where husband had to work away, I've had to work away etc. It's rubbish - I would always choose slightly less money/job satisfaction over working long hours/family separation. I would advise a man to think of quality of life vs money too.

monicalewinski · 21/07/2013 19:49

But that's my opinion and choice, would never force that on anyone, just sharing my particular experiences of similar situation.

scottishmummy · 21/07/2013 19:54

I don't see this dichotomy on mn when men have demanding job,commute and partner at home
I generally see oh yes dh works in demanding job,commutes,wife at home and nothing more said
I do wonder if because she female shes getting gender questions a man wouldn't eg school play,time out home

Her situation no different from employed man,with partner who doesn't work.and that's usually held up a postcard perfect way to live

CreatureRetorts · 21/07/2013 19:56

I wouldn't encourage my DH to take this sort of role, no way. As far as I'm concerned he's got just as much right to see the DCs and should do as much as I do.

And noone sits on their death bed wishing they'd worked for longer. That's a fact (was a story in the press about regrets of the dying a few months ago).

scottishmummy · 21/07/2013 19:58

we've had the deathbed metaphor already,I'll recall a life lived and job well done,regretting nothing

CreatureRetorts · 21/07/2013 20:00

Good for you. And I'll recall spending time with my children not sat in a train for hours at a time.

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