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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know what to do jobwise?

129 replies

catgirl1976 · 21/07/2013 17:31

I currently have been in my current job for nearly 9 years but it's changed, I don't really like it and I am bored

I have the opportunity to go for another job in a different company but I can't decide what to do

My existing job is local to me and is only a couple of miles away. I can also do the role standing on my head.

The potential new job is an hour or so commute away. I have a 19 mo DS. I would be leaving the house at 6:30am and getting home 6:30pm. I don't drive so would be relying on trains and would have increased travel costs.

The existing job is permanent - the new job is a 6 month contract with a chance to go perm.

BUT - the new job is in investment banking which sounds very attractive and better then my current industry (energy trading). And the enforced me time on the train appeals - as does working in a major city.

DH doesn't seem keen for me to take the new role. I am torn. I think my CV looks crappy with 1 job for nearly 9 years and something fresh would be good for me and good for my career, plus it could be the foot in the door to a good industry.

Anyone got any views on what they would do?

The money is better in the new role but not massively so, especially after extra travel costs.

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 21/07/2013 18:05

I really should learn to drive. No medical reason just never got around to it somehow, and then working so close to work etc it never became a priority Blush

The commute would probably be longer in a car due to the traffic, but I wouldn't be beholden to the 2nd leg train being so unreliable,

OP posts:
Earthworms · 21/07/2013 18:08

Knowing you from your mn presence catgirl I would say go go for it. You are ballsy and resourceful and I think you would make it work.
Or at the very least provisionally accept the offer and use it to play hardball in your current place.

(Serial namechanger, so we have crossed paths, on previos threads, I'm not a stalker, honest)

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 21/07/2013 18:09

Grin thanks Earthworms

I think I'm going to go for it

What's the the worst the could happen!? :)

Thank you all for giving me some perspective and different views!

OP posts:
Lizzabadger · 21/07/2013 18:09

I think you should take the new jon.

Earthworms · 21/07/2013 18:09

But learn to bloody drive. I too have a commute that would be quicker by train, but I drive it. Because its an unreliable local service and I don't want to be beholden to it.

scottishmummy · 21/07/2013 18:11

Availability to attend school events isn't a reasonable criteria when choosing job
If men applied the will I be at sports day test to determine whether to take job,none would work
Or is it only mum who needs to be available fir sport day/school events

CHJR · 21/07/2013 18:11

May I just remind you all of some of what Sheryl Sandberg (the Facebook boss) said in her unjustly maligned book Lean In?

  1. Don't quit your job before you quit just because you anticipate IN FUTURE you may wish to pare back. On the contrary, the more experience and power you build up now, the less likely it is you will get flak about taking time to be with the kids when they might need it, LATER. Clearly you are not only coping well at the moment, but even bored. Kudos to you for that.

  2. Women's lives at work will not improve till women stay in work long enough to become the bosses, and give THEIR employees (male and female) time off for the DC's school play, etc. We ALL need you to lean in.

Yes, I'm laying a bit of a guilt trip on you, but it seems to me you're getting a bit of a guilt trip about working while having a DC, so allow me to lay the reverse!

I was in your situation a bit more than 10 years ago, and I choked, I leaned back, I made a mistake. And now I regret it. I would have been the first woman in my firm to have a baby on the job, can you imagine? Sandberg's various points about how hard it is to be the only woman in the company were all true for me. And then my husband came home and announced he'd been asked to move country, right when DC1 was due. (Ok, there was a lot more to it than that; in fairness, there were very good reasons for stopping that still apply. But.) The head of HSBC (not my boss BTW, no id'ing info here I hope) asked me a bit reproachfully when he heard I was quitting, "Don't you feel like you're letting down the side?" On the other hand, I was already having serious trouble with the morning meetings, even without a live and kicking child.

Staying at home with DC also involves very early mornings though! And it is hard to rebuild now, 10 years later. I coulda been a contender.

I think, if you've made it this far, and actually want to take on more responsibility, and the hours haven't already killed you, more power to you. I admire your guts. Go for it. Your DC will not suffer, and you will help change the world.

ExasperatedSigh · 21/07/2013 18:14

Hmm.

I've been a SAHM for nearly three years, since we moved here from a town 100 miles further north. Am SAHM out of circumstance rather than choice. When we moved here, DH went from leaving the house at 8.30 and being home by 6.30, to more like 7am-8pm days. It was hard and lonely for both of us at times. DS was 2.5 so it was a big adjustment for him.

The only thing that makes it work is that we are always a team. I know it's not our ideal, he knows it's not our ideal, but it's what works best for all of us right now. We support each other and make the best of family time.

If he is unlikely to support your ambitions, it will inevitably make life harder.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 21/07/2013 18:14

I feel I have to take it now CHJR Grin Strong stuff

And I think I will

SM makes a bloody good point. If I was a man I don't think I would be hesitating like like this.

I'm going to go for it. Better to regret the thing's you've done and all that

Thanks ladies :)

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 21/07/2013 18:17

New job I discuss progression,salary,remit of role etc.i don't discuss my family

nothruroad · 21/07/2013 18:17

I think you should take the new job. I always think you're more likely to regret not taking a chance. Have you factored in cost of glossy magazines for the commute though?!

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 21/07/2013 18:23

And the Lattes :)

They could really add up!

OP posts:
CHJR · 21/07/2013 18:24

'Tis that (like many of our fellow MNers) I am taking the energy that should be used to run the world, or at least a coupla banks, and putting them into MN forums instead, catgirl Grin

lurkerspeaks · 21/07/2013 18:24

Are you planning more children?

What are maternity benefits like in the new job.... if not good I would stay put TTC and then plot a move later once you've had a second lot of mat leave.

My perception (may be wrong) is that you are taken more seriously once your family is complete.

20% more money is quite a bit... although that does depend a bit on your baseline salary.

I however am at a point in my life (and this is personal) when time for me and living is far more important than salary.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 21/07/2013 18:26

I was going to say that if you were a man, you wouldn't be worrying about it.
Do learn to drive, and make sure this new job will go beyond 6 months, but hell yeah, take it.
congratulations!

IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat · 21/07/2013 18:26

Before you make the final decision, I'd talk to the boss of your company. Lay it on the line with them and say you're considering another place as you need more challenge, but you'd stay loyal to them if they gave you a more interesting role and a pay rise.

Their response could be interesting. My dad did it when he was head-hunted by another firm and ended up with more pay, less hours and more interesting clients as they wanted to keep him.

I've also done it and achieved more interesting responsibilities and a pay rise to match. Other people have done similar when there hasn't been a suitable post, but did win greater respect from the boss, contacts to other places and a glowing reference.

As you say, you've got nothing to lose by talking to them.

TimeofChange · 21/07/2013 18:34

Take a day's holiday and do the commute before you decide.
It may be harder or easier than you imagine.
Though now we are in the holidays probably not as busy as usual.

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 21/07/2013 18:34

No more DCs planned.

I will learn to drive. Job hunting has really reminded me how important it is and what a dufus I am for not being able to.

I am interested in my current company's reaction when I resign. It could change things. If not then I guess it would show they were never going to!

OP posts:
Original poster
catgirl1976 · 21/07/2013 18:35

[thank] for the congrats ifnotnow

OP posts:
CHJR · 21/07/2013 18:37

OK but don't quit because you want to see their reaction, quit coz you want the other job. If you'd rather stay put, identify what you want out of your current place and tell them. Then if they don't deliver, you walk. You work in HR, you know the way this works!

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 21/07/2013 18:38

I know Grin

I am so bored there I really do want the other job. If it was nearer and permanent it would be perfect

OP posts:
CHJR · 21/07/2013 18:39

p.s. I'd take a commute on the most unreliable train over a driving commute any day. One is a chance to read the papers and the glossies, catch your breath, do your nails. The other is a chance to develop a heart attack at 37. (Though you should still learn to drive. Everyone should learn to drive, just for the option.)

scottishmummy · 21/07/2013 18:40

Go for it,you've got the domestic/school stuff covered by dp being at home
If this were reversed,male considering new job 20% payrise,partner at home
No one would be so cautious at all. The final say in job js yours,not his good luck

Original poster
catgirl1976 · 21/07/2013 18:41

Thanks sm :)

OP posts:
BackforGood · 21/07/2013 18:47

I think there are quite a few generalisations on here. My dh has turned down a couple of definite job offers (head hunted ones), and many opportunities to apply for other jobs, because he is part of our family and not a young and free singleton. I'm sure there are many others who have done the same. You have to look at your life as a whole - yes, part of that is job satisfaction, but part of that is also work / life balance.
As they famously say - no-one lies on their deathbed wishing they'd spent more time at work / out of the house for work.