To think men don't really mind a bit of extra weight.

[JaffaMyCake]

Not so much to do with my DH as its tough shit for him .

My sister is made 20s and probably carries an "extra" ten pounds or so above what would be a 'perfect' body. She dresses for her figure and wears great clothes and has curvy boobs and bum, she doesn't have a flat tummy, but it certainly isn't large. She's 5'4 and probably weighs just under 10 stone a dress size 10.

Being newly single she's extremely paranoid about not being perfect and that her "weight" will put men off.

So AIBU to tell her to quit moaning unless she wants to swap for my pushing size 14 post baby body?

It is much more common to hear sexist idiots yell at women as they walk past pubs or clubs Oi you fat bitch rather than Oi you skinny bitch.
And other vices dont get shamed as much.
Ive yet to hear Oi you smoking bitch for example.

I am 5'4" and 9 stone 11 (137lbs). In between a 10 and 12. My personal feeling is it's probably a bit heavy for someone who hasn't had kids yet but it depends where she carries it too. If it's on her boobs/bum and she has a slim waist, she could look fine. Unfortunately I carry it on my midsection and face :( In my mid twenties, before having DD, I was about 8 stone 13 (125lbs). I look my best at about 120 - 125 and am trying to get down to 128 before a dance performance next month.

It's not usually men who criticise women for being thin; it's almost always other women. And with much more subtlety than just yelling at them in the street.

The weird thing is that I did feel fat when I was size 10 / 12 at under 10 stone... now I wish i'd realised how slim I actually was.

I'm working hard on getting down to that weight and when I get there I will work hard to maintain it like some of the posters on this thread do.

Worra the 'wtf' was at the implication that size 10 is now considered by some people to be 'large' which is unbelieveable to me.

Back when I was at school (early - mid 90s) many shops didn't even sell size 8 except TopShop!

Silver that's terrible that people are criticising you for being slim. Your figure sounds just right.

I've been criticised for being too thin (age 19-20) and too 'fat' (when I was only 10 stone).

Ironically now I am what i'd call 'fat' (11st12lbs) people don't say anything. But i'm working hard to lose the weight anyway.

I notice that men get openly criticised to their faces for being either 'too thin' or 'too fat' by other men too.

Men are critical or jealous of other men just as women are towards other women.

At the gym I notice the men spend time looking at each other and comparing muscles (or lack of) but I never hear them criticise women for their size.

Men's attitude towards larger women at the gym tends to be ''good for them for exercising'' and they don't say anything negative towards women whether they are very thin, fat, muscly or whatever.

A big study was conducted a while back that I think concluded men generally didn't mind extra lbs, to a limit which I think was what they thought was a size 12. Of course this doesn't account for all men.

What I would say is that anyone with a less than perfect body cannot reasonably demand the same of their partners.

How about you encourage her to change her mindset and understand that being healthy, appreciating her own body and liking what SHE sees is what really matters?

Worra the 'wtf' was at the implication that size 10 is now considered by some people to be 'large' which is unbelieveable to me.

So you still don't understand?

Size 10 is large for some people, especially if that person is short with a tiny frame and they're normally a 6 or an 8.

I think sometimes people assume that everyone is the same height/build as them...and if they'd look small in a size 10 they assume everyone else would.

It doesn't work like because we're all individual people.

One of my closest friends is 5ft 8" and a size 12. She's beautifully slime and toned.

But at 5ft 3", if I were a size 12, I would look positively fat and not slim and toned at all.

She's 'slim'...not slime

I sort of understand, I think that I've just been feeling so bad about my own figure that I find it hard to see how someone 'slim' can feel bad.

But my sister for example feels bad that she's a size 10 when she can sometimes fit into a size 8 so i'm trying to understand what that's like.

That's the nail on the head I think.

Some people are unhappy about their own weight, so they can't understand why anyone slimmer than them should be unhappy with theirs.

You've said you weigh 11st 12lbs and you're working on losing some of that.

But if someone came along who was 15st 12lbs and couldn't understand why you want to lose weight (because you're slimmer than them) it'd kind of be the same thing wouldn't it?

I'd say that young, gym fit men care. Others have different priorities.

Hmm, maybe, I have had much larger ladies say to me that I don't need to go on a diet so to them i'm the slim one! Even though I know i'm not slim.

What I couldn't get my head round was that when I was young and was really slim I had some girls tell me I was fat - I realise now that they were just being bitchy.

Is it true that for some people you ''can never be too rich or too thin''??

It's true that for women that the most criticism comes from other women.

Well unless the people telling you to lose weight/not to lose weight are dieticians or doctors, just bloody ignore them.

You're in charge of your own body, not them.

Well I was nearly a stone heavier than I am now when I was dating and 'out there' meeting guys and although I look at pics now and think I looked rather podgy I never, ever had a problem meeting men or taking things further. Confidence and being fun and friendly are far more important than a few extra pounds IMO. When it's a few extra stones, yes, that can become an issue, but 10 pounds? No.

Different men like different things. My DW's body has changed over the time we've been together (plus 2 DCs), but she is no less attractive or sexy to me.

Attraction (for me anyway) is an emotional and mental thing as much a physical thing. As long as you are the person you want to be and who you're with loves you for that, everything else is just stuff and nonsense.

Ime, young gym fit men are often far more open minded re a woman's size (certainly a woman older than then) and it is confidence/ presentation which is important, rather than any size based perception of attractiveness.

Conversely the paunchy 40 something men have far more exacting unrealistic standards. I've seen plenty of totally out of shape, not in the least handsome middLe aged men specifying a woman must be a size 8/10 ('no fattys' as one charmingly put it), into exercise, and very attractive....

Everybody has their own preferences, body shape is more important than weight though, two women could be the same height and weight and one could be considered perfect because they are toned and healthy with curves in the right places while the second one may look really bad and misshapen if all her weight is on fat rolls on a flabby belly. Healthier people are most attractive to others, whether a mans preference is skinny, curvy, plump, he will always find himself most attracted to the healthiest in that category.

If she keeps complaining tell her to get to the gym to tone up, there are lots of men there too

It doesn't matter to me how big or small anyone else is but I like to stay a Size 8 or at most 10 because the choice in clothes is ever so much better. I work out quite hard because I want to be able to run away in case of a tsunami or other major disaster.

I couldn't care less what men in general thought. Or even particularly what my husband thought. He'll get what he's given.

at themaltesefalcon

Too right though. Medical reasons notwithstanding, the only person you should want to change yourself for is yourself.

A lot of criticism of appearance comes from men Ask Marion Bartoli.