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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think men don't really mind a bit of extra weight.

130 replies

JaffaMyCake · 21/07/2013 12:53

Not so much to do with my DH as its tough shit for him .

My sister is made 20s and probably carries an "extra" ten pounds or so above what would be a 'perfect' body. She dresses for her figure and wears great clothes and has curvy boobs and bum, she doesn't have a flat tummy, but it certainly isn't large. She's 5'4 and probably weighs just under 10 stone a dress size 10.

Being newly single she's extremely paranoid about not being perfect and that her "weight" will put men off.

So AIBU to tell her to quit moaning unless she wants to swap for my pushing size 14 post baby body?

OP posts:

TheSecondComing · 21/07/2013 14:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheeseFondueRocks · 21/07/2013 14:26

Not likely to have curves at a size 10 at 5ft4?
I think she sounds fine but the poster who said you can't have curves at that sizes is clearly one of the people who sue the term "curves" for "fat". Probably to make herself feel better.

And different men like different shapes. Some men like the anorexic look, some men like very obese women. My guess would be that both these extremes are a minority though and your average man likes a woman of normal weight, not massively fat nor too skinny. And by like I mean physically fancy, not love.

CheeseFondueRocks · 21/07/2013 14:27

who use

WorraLiberty · 21/07/2013 14:32

I think even saying not likely is a bit odd.

People fill clothes differently even though they're the same size.

aldiwhore · 21/07/2013 14:35

It takes allsorts.

I know men who love thin, men who love curves and a few who like proper fat.

Your friend should not be paranoid. If she is the shape and style she feels confident with then she'll attract someone who likes her as she is, for who she is and that's not a bad place to start in any date.

Regardless of what men like or don't and putting aside preferences, if you worry too much about what others think rather than what is you, then you'll end up having to kiss a lot of frogs before you find someone that really 'gets' you.

I do think it's important to acknowledge that you are attractive and attractable even if you don't fit into the 'celebrity shape' category. Whether you curvy or curveless, you will be gorgeous if you smile and feel confident in yourself.

LustyBusty · 21/07/2013 14:36

Me and my friend are a similar height. She's size 8-10 and athletic, watches everything she eats and only talks about her latest diet or how far she's run that day. I am a size 16-18, eat what I want when I'm out (though often leave some so I can have pudding!) and talk about the news and different cultures in different countries. I'm the one that tends to have the men (ok, work colleagues) wanting to sit by me when we go out... Dress for the size you are, not the size you think you should be!!

Thumbwitch · 21/07/2013 14:42

Some men do, some men don't. The ones that insist upon a model-like bod aren't, IME, worth bothering about - the ones to keep are the ones who love you for who you are, not how heavy/plump or not you are.

Lavidaenrosa · 21/07/2013 14:52

I agree with Thumbwitch And I disagree with the one who said at size 10 you can't have curves. I was a size 6 and I had and have curves, I know people who are a size 18 and also have curves. It all depends on body shape, some people are hourglass and some are not.

ShoutyCrackers · 21/07/2013 14:55

IME men do not like overweight women. I'm 5 ft 4 and 9 stone 7 and size 10. I am definitely not thin, nowhere near. Pretty average really. My DP is pretty vocal about his preferences and he says ( as I've just asked him ) that the majority of men prefer slimmer women. He is at pains to say that this doesn't mean 'perfect,' ( just as we'll really as I ave fat bits and stretch marks ) but just not overweight.

WorraLiberty · 21/07/2013 15:01

I agree with that Thumbwitch regarding men loving women for who they are.

But I think the OP is talking about initial attraction, which is quite different really.

YoungBritishPissArtist · 21/07/2013 15:01

IME, men, as well as women, like confidence and happiness.

Talking about diets and weight loss is very tedious.

chickydoo · 21/07/2013 15:14

I am size 8, 5ft 7 & weigh 8 and a half stone. My boobs are a DD
My hips are curvy, my waist is small. My legs and arms are a bit on the slender ( thin) side. My DH said it was my curves that caught his eye. You can be curvy whatever size or weight you are. Some men like one thing, some another. Being comfortable in your skin is what it's all about

PoppettyPing · 21/07/2013 15:25

YoungBritishPissArtist hear hear.

Don't know why I'm even reading this thread.

Branleuse · 21/07/2013 15:26

who gives a fuck what most men think.

You find someone whos right for you, You dont need to attract every random stranger.

aldiwhore · 21/07/2013 15:30

Shouty If I asked my DH he'd say something different. If I asked a random man in the street, it would be different again, and they'd all say "Men prefer x, y, z".

What do women prefer? Well 'we' all prefer something a bit different from the next woman!

LondonMan · 21/07/2013 15:47

I think a woman who looks a few pounds past perfect feels better in bed, so as long as she's not trying to attract the inexperienced she should do well.

AnnieLobeseder · 21/07/2013 15:51

Oh FFS, if a man is so shallow that he only cares how she looks, why would she want him anyway? And at a size 10, I bet she would look great to pretty much all men.

If your sister is having problems finding a date, it might be because she is projecting her lack of confidence. I know it's way easier said than done, but she needs to stop worrying about her external appearance so much and start loving herself from the inside. Does she have a good job/any hobbies/outside interests to take pride in?

Rulesgirl · 21/07/2013 15:59

Its really surprising the difference in womens shapes when they are the same height weight and dress size. It all depends on your body shape and where you carry the weight I guess.

badguider · 21/07/2013 16:00

I'm quite interested in hearing that there can be some women who fit their DD chest into a size 8. I have always needed at least a 12 on top for my 34DDs which is annoying as that's far too big for my waist and hips so dresses are out and even shirts don't really work.

If you have boobs and wear a 8 or 10 do you have a very slim back-size? 28 or so?

thebody · 21/07/2013 16:07

we all have our preferred types.

Vagazzled · 21/07/2013 16:08

Bad, I'm a size 10 and a 32 back. I often have to buy a 12 in tops.

Vagazzled · 21/07/2013 16:09

Realise I contradict myself but hopefully you know what I mean

ArtemisatBrauron · 21/07/2013 16:13

I am curvy and I am a 6-8 with 28E boobs, really big hips/thighs in comparison to my waist which is small. Of course you can be curvy no matter what size you are!

tanfastic · 21/07/2013 16:15

I think it depends on the man. I'm
A size 12 and 10 stone and pretty happy at that weight but them I'm not 20 anymore and past caring what men think .

I tend to go for tall men and I hate muscles and shaved chests. Just personal taste. I'm sure it's the same for men.

DomesticCEO · 21/07/2013 16:43

Calm down everyone, I said she's hardly likely to have many curves at a size 10, not no curves!

As 'curvy' is often used as a euphemism for overweight and nowadays being a size 10 is huge in comparison to the media vision of 'normal' for women, I'm just sick to the back teeth of my size 10/12 friends going on about being 'big' needing to cut back, etc, when I'm considerably larger than that. It is, as one poster said, very very tedious.

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