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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to let dd cry while I shower?

122 replies

BusyLizzie99 · 20/07/2013 12:37

90% of the time I manage to get up and showered before 14 month old dd wakes but sometimes (like today) she wakes uncharacteristically early. She hates me showering and despite putting toys out etc, taking her in bathroom so she can see me she screams the entire time. Dp sometimes works away so him taking her isn't an option. She isn't interested in tv and to be honest I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her unsupervised even if she was. AIBU to just get it over and done with? Obviously I have to wash but am open to suggestions of what you do with your similar aged children? Have tried bathing with her but she wants me to hold her the entire time and she only naps when out walking.

OP posts:

Sirzy · 20/07/2013 12:39

If it is just odd days that she is awake before you can shower then I would just not have a shower that day r have one when she has gone to bed at night. Much less stressful for everyone!

Original poster

BusyLizzie99 · 20/07/2013 12:41

I'd feel grim all day with no shower in this heat though - plus we co-sleep so hard to escape her at night for a shower too.

OP posts:

RoooneyMara · 20/07/2013 12:41

I wouldn't shower then - do it at night instead when someone is there to hold her.

Sorry. I am not very clean though (6 month old here)

RoooneyMara · 20/07/2013 12:42

Oh sorry if he's away, can you just have a quick wash instead? I can shower in under a minute if necessary but often do not bother.

Original poster

BusyLizzie99 · 20/07/2013 12:43

Sometimes there isn't someone here to hold her for 5 days though :-/

OP posts:

Mogz · 20/07/2013 12:43

Oh dear, I used to do that too my poor DM. Her tactic was to pop me back in my cot and stick the Hoover on outside the door hoping the white noise would send me to sleep (or drown me out!).
If its not very often, how about a quick stand up wash at the sink whilst singing songs or chatting to your DD?

Suzieismyname · 20/07/2013 12:44

Put her on the floor in the bathroom with you. Give her a few toys/boots. Make sure it's safe and have a quick shower.

Believe me, once you have two or more DCs you become less precious about a few minutes of crying.
Don't feel guilty!

kritur · 20/07/2013 12:44

Can she get in the shower with you? That's what I do with mine, she loves showers now.

UniqueAndAmazing · 20/07/2013 12:44

what about a flannel wash at the sink?

i would do it if there was no choice, but not every time.

ilovepowerhoop · 20/07/2013 12:45

could you plonk her on the floor of the shower while you get washed?

BeenieBaby · 20/07/2013 12:46

YANBU. I would go mad if I didn't ignore the dc for a few minutes to care for myself! Also I have young dc and often have to leave one to cry if I have to care for the other. E.g taking ds to the loo while dd wants me to hold her ALL the time.

BreadNameBread · 20/07/2013 12:46

I would let her cry. It is ok to do. I can't stand it if I don't have a shower in the morning, it makes me feel uncomfortable especially if I am tired.
It won't do her any harm and she may learn not to do it.

I would put some loud music on, give her a snack and take my shower.

Good luck

Original poster

BusyLizzie99 · 20/07/2013 12:47

I have three Suzie! Just means she's then whingey while I get dressed etc too though.

Have tried her coming in too but she wants me to hold her/to stand and it's too slippery as she's not that steady on her feet yet. Just feel terrible seeing how.upset she is :-(

OP posts:

Original poster

BusyLizzie99 · 20/07/2013 12:48

Unique - my hair is greasy and disgusting by lunch time if unwashed though so I feel gross.

OP posts:

sweetsummerlove · 20/07/2013 12:50

as an AP style mumma. I'll say this. Learn to shower quick..she may cry (so does ds) but you have to tend tp your own basic needs too. She can see you..she is safe. You can talk to her...it needn't be prolonged. xx

Suzieismyname · 20/07/2013 12:50

You must be going crazy then... it'll probably be good for her, it's only a few mins. You need it so just do it.
It won't kill her!

Original poster

BusyLizzie99 · 20/07/2013 12:51

She was crying so hard this morning (for the ten mins it took me to shower and dress) that her body was 'heaving' afterwards if you know what I mean and she slept for 2 hours afterwards despite not long being up

OP posts:

catus · 20/07/2013 12:52

Yanbu. Don't feel guilty. She's crying for a few minutes, so what ? It is really not a big deal.

Suzieismyname · 20/07/2013 12:52

That was meant to be a sympathetic crazy

Fairylea · 20/07/2013 12:53

I think when you have more than one dc you accept that a bit of crying and whingeing here and there is not the end of the world. I need to have a shower in the mornings too so I just do it (ds is 14 months). However generally he wakes at 5.30am, has a nap about 8ish so I have a shower then but sometimes I do have to put him in his playpen with the tv on and some toys in and just go and have a quick shower! He won't remember any of it,.it's only for 5-10 minutes, no different than if I need to go to the toilet or unload shopping!

BigBoobiedBertha · 20/07/2013 12:53

How long does it take to shower?

Probably not more than a couple of minutes if you don't have the luxury of having a child free shower. It will feel like longer if your DC is crying but it won't be long really. If a wash isn't sufficient then you will just put up with the crying. It sounds a bit callous but it won't harm them if she can see and hear you. It isn't like you are abandoning her.

As Suzieismyname says, if you have more than one child, you do sometimes have to let one cry for a few minutes whilst dealing with another. You can't physically deal with 2 children at once sometimes and so the less urgent crying has to be ignored.

You may find if you just get on with it, without making a big fuss, she gets used to it. Sadly, my DC got over their fear of Hoovers after repeated exposures - it was a shame as I had no excuse to get out of Hoovering anymore.

Sirzy · 20/07/2013 12:53

If she is getting that wound up I would be buying some dry shampoo for the days you can't shower and just have a good wash down.

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 20/07/2013 12:54

Bath! I very often take 7 month DS into the bath with me. I then put his old baby bath (empty) next to the big bath. When I need to get out/rinse hair, I plonk him in there for 2 mins. He rolls around like a little hippo quite inelegantly but at least I know he is safe!

With a thirteen month old, could you leave her sitting in a shallow big bath for a second ( or the big bath, drained whilst you're in it) whilst you jump out and get towels etc? Prepared to be told that is very unsafe as not sure what you can and can't do at this stage.

KatOD · 20/07/2013 12:57

It's fine, just shower quickly and crack on, she'll soon learn that it's just something that has to happen. you are allowed to have a few mins to yourself as a mum you know if your kids and safe!

ExcuseTypos · 20/07/2013 12:58

I never let much dd cry at night, however I would to have a shower during the day.

If your dd is in the bathroom she can see you, so she knows you are there. I would just have a very quick shower and wrap myself in a robe then hold her for a bit. I'd then get dressed after that, so you're splitting the time up iykwim.

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