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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to let dd cry while I shower?

122 replies

BusyLizzie99 · 20/07/2013 12:37

90% of the time I manage to get up and showered before 14 month old dd wakes but sometimes (like today) she wakes uncharacteristically early. She hates me showering and despite putting toys out etc, taking her in bathroom so she can see me she screams the entire time. Dp sometimes works away so him taking her isn't an option. She isn't interested in tv and to be honest I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her unsupervised even if she was. AIBU to just get it over and done with? Obviously I have to wash but am open to suggestions of what you do with your similar aged children? Have tried bathing with her but she wants me to hold her the entire time and she only naps when out walking.

OP posts:
redwellybluewelly · 20/07/2013 13:45

Can you share a bath with her?

Shellywelly1973 · 20/07/2013 13:45

Sorry bout typos!

Doingakatereddy · 20/07/2013 13:50

I agree with boysrule.

Cannot understand the dry shampoo / flannel wash mentality, I adore my DD but I'm a greasy, naggy less happy version of myself without a shower. So she has to cry sometimes, she'll get used to it.

TarkaTheOtter · 20/07/2013 13:51

As she is 14 months I'd just get on with it.

Mintyy · 20/07/2013 13:52

I would start having my daily shower every day while she is awake! At some point she needs to learn that mummy is not available every single minute of every single day and night, and 14 months seems a reasonable point to start, to me.

valiumredhead · 20/07/2013 13:53

I think at14 months it's perfectly normal to let a toddler moan for a bit while you shower. Leave the door open obviously.

EuroShopperEnergyDrink · 20/07/2013 14:04

Some real martyrs on this thread.

OP have your bloody shower and forget this flannel fanny wash nonsense. Your little girl is safe and loved and look after, even she's worked up to the point of heaving, there's nothing wrong and it won't hurt her.

Burmobasher · 20/07/2013 14:06

I would, it only takes a couple of minutes to have a shower and not much point in doing at night in this heat.
In the time it takes to dry shampoo your hair and have a flannel wash you may as well have a shower.
Your DD will be fine and just because your a mum you don't have to stop cleaning yourself

Andcake · 20/07/2013 14:07

I'm with boysrule i can shower quickly. We have a travel cot set up which is bigger than a normal cot as a play pen and ds 11 months goes in there with pus. Some days he likes it others he moans but the more I do it. We live in a flat and the travel cot is in the living room so I also put music on.
I have a v clingy baby and we have had to end up co sleeping so I can get enough sleep to work.
Also love baths together...try that if you can't cope with a little crying.

valiumredhead · 20/07/2013 14:10

I always took ds into the bathroom whole I showered, be started out in his little bouncy chair and progressed to playing or getting in with me. Children need to see that there are some non negotiable jobs that need to be attended to! She's 14 months not 14 weeks!Shock

Mumsyblouse · 20/07/2013 14:10

I have a friend who had baby twins and a just over one year old. She said she just had to get over the 'can't possibly let them cry for one minute' as she was home alone with them and there would be times where she was tending to/feeding one, and one or even both of the others would be howling. She had a playpen/safe area for the toddler if needs must- and they have grown up exceptionally happy delightful little children. I think it's unhealthy to get to the stage that you won't even shower because your 14 month old doesn't want to go down- what about hoovering/answering the telephone/cooking dinner? I am all for cuddling children (she's not really a baby at 14 months, not quite a toddler yet) and used to carry my clingy second around for hours every day, but sometimes you do need to get on and with more than one child it is inevitable one might be crying while you look after the other one (or yourself).

valiumredhead · 20/07/2013 14:11

My friend with twins was the sameSmile

Meglet · 20/07/2013 14:15

yanbu. If she's safe in her cot and has water and toys then get yourself ready.

FruitSaladIsNotPudding · 20/07/2013 14:16

Have your shower, she'll be fine. I'd go mad if i had to skip showers/flannel wash/share a bath just to avoid crying! She can see you, she's safe, it's fine.

HumphreyCobbler · 20/07/2013 14:23

I would have my shower anyway, just do it quickly. It wouldn't take me ten minutes though (I must be dirty...). I would never let my child cry for the sake of it, or to avoid a rod for my back or any of that nonsense, but I would in order to get clean!

Yonididnaedaethat · 20/07/2013 14:34

Put her on the bed with the telly on, that's what I do...I usually come back out the shower to find my underwear drawer all pulled out tho.

MrsMook · 20/07/2013 14:35

Sometimes you do have to let them cry so you can maintain personal hygiene. When studies come up with negative impacts of infants crying, they don't mean for a few minutes while mummy washed.

Daydream007 · 20/07/2013 14:38

I used to bring her in the bathroom with me. Letting her cry for 5 mins whilst having a quick shower will not harm her. It's not like the controlled Night time crying were baby is left to cry to sleep, now that's damaging! 5-10 mins is fine. Did mine no harm.

valiumredhead · 20/07/2013 14:39

You don't leave a child to cry for 5-10 mins with cc.

valiumredhead · 20/07/2013 14:40

It's a minute at a time, not just left. Cry it out method is just abandonment but not cc.

ConferencePear · 20/07/2013 14:45

I agree with boyrule.
The best advice my HV ever gave me was to take proper care of myself or I would be no use to my baby. I count having a shower as taking care of myself.

fluffandnonsense · 20/07/2013 15:13

Have a shower. She can see you, she's not coming to any harm. Sing songs to her, try and make her giggle and have a quick wash. Your needs are important too!

TartyMcTart · 20/07/2013 15:20

I was all ready to give some pointers on how to get on with things when you have a newborn but your DD is 14 months!

Just get in the shower and she'll have to get used to it. If it's the noise of the shower, etc. that she hates then stick her back in her cot and shower quickly. She'll be fine.

Alisvolatpropiis · 20/07/2013 15:22

Yanbu.

I think at any age, the 10 minutes it takes to shower is fine. Washing is necessary.

BergholtStuttleyJohnson · 20/07/2013 15:59

I have a stairgate across my boys bedroom door (they are 3 and 16mths and we can't fit a gate on the stairs). I put them both in their room, close stairgate but leave door open. The house is small so I can hear them and see them if I poke my head round the shower curtain. ds2 sometimes cries while I'm in the shower, I let him. He's understands loads at 16 months and is not a tiny baby, he knows where I am and what I'm doing. it takes me 5mins to shower and then I get dressed right outside their room. I'm against leaving babies to cry in most situations but you have to wash.