to let dd cry while I shower?

[BusyLizzie99]

90% of the time I manage to get up and showered before 14 month old dd wakes but sometimes (like today) she wakes uncharacteristically early. She hates me showering and despite putting toys out etc, taking her in bathroom so she can see me she screams the entire time. Dp sometimes works away so him taking her isn't an option. She isn't interested in tv and to be honest I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her unsupervised even if she was. AIBU to just get it over and done with? Obviously I have to wash but am open to suggestions of what you do with your similar aged children? Have tried bathing with her but she wants me to hold her the entire time and she only naps when out walking.

I think whoever said try showering each day when she's awake, rather than always trying to shower when she's asleep, is spot on: make it part of the daily routine. Shower as quickly as you can, each day, whilst DD is awake. I wonder whether part of her distress is that it's a one off for her, each time you do it every 10 days or so, and so freaks her out more?

I have 3 DC, I have always had a shower first thing in the morning after baby is fed, can't function without a shower, and because it happens each and every day the DC have always accepted it. Obviously there are days when baby DS (5m) is niggly or cries a bit but I still shower, quickly, whilst talking or singing to him. Even if he got hysterical from time to time I'd still shower. I am a better, happier, more relaxed mother for taking a few minutes for a shower and hairwash every day.

I agree with everyone who says you need to take the time you need to take care of yourself.

I was beginning to get a bit worried reading this thread!

I have a nearly 9mo who often cries while I'm in the shower. Are people really suggesting that the OP doesn't wash because her 14mo cries That is madness.

What do you people do when you need a poo?? Let your DC crawl around the toilet floor?

I just don't get this style of parenting and this coming from a fairly precious first-time Mum, who has only left my DD with other people a handful of times.

Have your shower OP. YANBU!

Of course yanbu to have a shower. I feel miserable all day if I haven't showered. Try and find ways to keep her happy if you can, peekaboo/singing used to help ds a bit. I agree with the suggestion to maybe try and make it part of her daily routine.

Some of the replies on this thread are bonkers. Of course YANBU to let her cry, she's not a tiny baby.

Bloody hell,of course its ok! in this heat there is no way a quick strip wash and some dry shampoo is going to cut it! If she can see you, she will be fine.

I feel disgusting if I can't have a shower and would end up stuck in the house all day feeling too gross to go out. If you can manage without a shower, well fine.. that's up to you. OP has said she needs a shower.

Yes,its fine!

Well said boysrule!

I've just remembered - I used to leave DS downstairs in the travelcot, parked in front of waybulloo from about this age, then sneak upstairs for a quick shower. It was perfectly safe, he couldn't get out and he didn't even notice I was gone.

The new one will have to get used to being dumped in the cot while I shower, it'll just have to fit around the morning routine. No way am I doing the school run without a shower to wake me up :)

I'd let her cry. She can see you, you can see her, she's safe so for me it is something she will get used to. Crying for a couple of minutes while you grab a quick shower when she has full sight of you and knows you are there is not going to do her any harm

I tend to shower whilst singing "The Wheels on the bus" and doing a stupid dance to entertain DS or get him in with me, but if he wants to kick off regardless then a few minutes does him no harm.

She'll get used to it and you will get clean :)

Boysrule has it. And yes to whoever said make it part of your routine while she's awake as well...you can't forget basic hygiene just because she cries.

At 4 weeks or 4 months even I would avoid letting her cry, but 14 months? I'd bring her into the bathroom with a few toys and then get on with it. At some point children have to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them.

That sounds really hard because she gets very upset. But there isn't really a way round it - I totally understand the need to shower in this heat! - and 10mins may seem a long time, but actually, it isn't.

YANBU.

I either leave 15mo DS in the playpen downstairs with baby jake on I player, or stick him in the cot with a load of books and toys and stick some music on for him. I would never not have a shower, particularly in weather like this!

CheeseFondueRocks That sounds dangerous - how did you stop her doing it at night?

I'm also with boysrule, crying for a few minutes while you shower will cause no harm. Provided you aren't taking ages!

Leave her in her bed and shower and then get her out. It's tough but normal life has to go on.

YANBU, have your shower and enjoy it.
With mine (21 months old) I put him in his room with all the other doors and stair gates shut apart from his room and the bathroom. He plays in his room if he wants or comes into the bathroom and plays with his bath toys on the floor. When he was tiny I'd put him in his bouncy chair next to the shower.
I even manage to do make up and dry my hair (usually)

why cant the other two children keep her occupied for a few minutes?

What Boysrule said.

And she's 14 months for goodness sake, she can manage 10 minutes whilst you shower. Flannel washing as suggested is some truly committed martyrdom!

YANBU! This may have been covered above but have you tried giving her something to eat while you shower like a couple of rice cakes or some raisins, always distracts my DS while I shower.

I let my boy cry, as long as you know DD is safe it's only a few tears for 5 mins or so!

Does she feed first thing usually on waking? If she does wake early, can you change your routine so you feed / breakfast first and then have a shower? Easier in the holidays if you have school aged children. Also, can you enlist the older children's help? Could they play with her / read to her while you shower once they are all up and fed?

Have a bath together, don't forget the bubbles.

I see your point about doing it more so she gets used toit but my normal shower when she's asleep takes twice as long as I also shave my legs so until (if) she got used to it she'd be crying for much longer. The shower is en suite otherwise putting in the bath at same time might've worked. Whoever asked what I do when I go to the toilet, unload shopping, cook etc - she won't go down then without hysteria either. She is hard work! I'm praying walking will equal her having some independence.

What do you actually do with her when you're going to the toilet or cooking? Do you put her in a cot? I'd do whatever you normally do and do it for showers too.