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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to hate the question: 'are you feeding your baby yourself'?

53 replies

BusyLizzie99 · 19/07/2013 23:37

No, Bob round the corner is doing it.

Oh wait, of course I'm feeding my baby my-bloody-self.

I must've been asked this 4-5 times per week when my children were babies and was reminded today when someone asked my friend. She formula feeds and the inference behind the question is 'are you breastfeeding?' so technically her answer should be no but...really, AIBU to think it's a pretty stupid way to ask a personal and unnecessary question?

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 19/07/2013 23:40

I like the Bob answer though I'd probably say that Dave the wet nurse pops round 4 times a day.

HarrietSchulenberg · 19/07/2013 23:43

YABU. It's just another term for breastfeeding. Like bottle feeding, formula feeding or using Cow and Gate are other terms for not breastfeeding without actually starving the baby.

SinisterSal · 19/07/2013 23:43

Some people don't like saying Breast though. Think it's impolite

vintagecakeisstillnice · 19/07/2013 23:47

My bad self would want to say 'shit you're meant to feed them'

Mt less ad seld would go with , Nah, Bob does that

FreyaSnow · 19/07/2013 23:48

I don't think it is personal. It is just showing an interest like a lot of small talk.

Numberlock · 19/07/2013 23:49

It's just a euphemism like "I slept with someone".

Szeli · 19/07/2013 23:51

I do usually respond with; nah partner does it...

Madmum24 · 19/07/2013 23:58

Yes, I don't think I've EVER heard anyone in my family say breastfeeding, it's called "feeding yourself" breast is a bad word but going topless is fine apparently

curlyclaz13 · 20/07/2013 00:05

It annoys me too, I know what they mean but just ask properly not in a round about way.

YouTheCat · 20/07/2013 00:06

Why do they need to know?

dontyouwantmebaby · 20/07/2013 00:53

Why do they bother showing feigning an interest in you/your baby at all? Oh wait...

it couldn't simply be that they are trying to instigate a subject of conversation that they think might be topical/current to you. could they really?!!

yep, maybe its a case of everyone is out to criticise you for your choices in life. ho hum. the bloody bastards.

Steffanoid · 20/07/2013 01:07

our lo is 4 weeks old and has been being shown off to.various friends, family and work colleagues, the first are you feeding him yourself question did throw me, by far tge stupidest is 'is he good?' well he's not exactly rolling in at 4am drunk is he

BeaWheesht · 20/07/2013 01:17

I remember when I was asked this all the time when I had ds and at first I had no idea what they were talking about and said 'errr yes' I think I may have said 'dh does it himself too' and wandered off no doubt leaving people !

When I had dd and breastfeeding was a disaster I was heartbroken about it, and yes, it's just a question, small talk whatever but I remember thinking that no, I wasn't feeding her my self, I wasn't making milk to keep her alive, so wht was the point of me??? I had PND though pretty badly.

I'd never ask anyone though I might say to a friend 'are you breast or formula feeding?'

ems1910 · 20/07/2013 01:19

I found people asked this and also, 'is he a good baby?'. It is just something to say I suppose but I did have to resist the urge to say 'no, he was out robbing a bank yesterday!'.

Burmobasher · 20/07/2013 03:33

I get asked this all the time at the moment and would struggle to get huffy about it, its just small talk. Lets face it, most of the askers probably couldn't give a fuck one way or the other really.

Marcheline · 20/07/2013 03:44

When I was pg with DD1, MIL asked me if I was 'planning on feeding the baby'.

I looked at her like and said, 'no, I thought I'd just let her starve'.

I was even more after DD1 was born and MIL described holding her as 'nursing' her. It made me squirm a bit.

But I do understand that it's just a generational thing although my mum is the same age and doesnt seem to say anything along these lines

Tee2072 · 20/07/2013 03:44

Every day I read Mumsnet and wish I had been asked these things, just because I feel left out.

Marcheline · 20/07/2013 03:52

Steff and ems, I actually don't mind the 'is she good' brigade. Its an opportunity for me to go 'she fucking MARVELLOUS! Look at her, of course she's good!'

Not that I like to boast, of course. :o

But actually now that I think of it, I haven't given a sarcastic response to anyone not-related to me who has asked that question. I just assume they're trying to be polite or whatever and it's not bothered me. Though given the frequency of DD2's feeding, I do have my breasts out on a fairly regular basis, making the question a bit redundant tbh.

Turquoisehat · 20/07/2013 04:16

i always thought it was odd when people asked if I was feeding dd myself, I would say things like 'when I remember' or 'sometimes I leave her with neighbors...' and then say - 'do you mean am I breastfeeding?'

I also never knew how to respond to the 'is she good?' question - I wish I had thought of the 'fucking marvelous' response, I probably just looked puzzled and said yes.

but, even I admit I can be a pita.

SelectAUserName · 20/07/2013 04:25

Steffanoid · 20/07/2013 04:59

you could ask if it smiled yet? or even just how are you getting on/ enjoying getting to know each other maybe?

Ozziegirly · 20/07/2013 05:21

I was asked this and said "no, I'm mainly leaving him to forage for nuts and berries"

milktraylady · 20/07/2013 05:27

I was asked by an old lady- Is she good?
I was so puzzled I said- I don't know what is 'good'? She said does she sleep. I (lied) replied yes.
Duh you old bat she's 6 weeks old of course she doesn't sleep through!

I find the qs as bad as when preg. A standard list to which the answers have no relevance but everyone seems bloody obliged to ask!

And the 'how are you feeding her?'
Oh that's a loaded one! You reply bf/ff then the questioner proceeds to dump all their bf issues on you. I feel like saying- sorry you had an awful time, but don't judge me & have you thought about having therapy to help you get over your issues??

Agree agree agree

milktraylady · 20/07/2013 05:29

The next q to be asked (after 3 months) is when are you weaning her?
As there seems to be a 4-6 month issue for weaning.

I say- when she nicks my toast. That shuts them up.

PlatinumStart · 20/07/2013 05:30

IME it's something asked by older women - I know both my grandmothers asked me. They were interested, I think as a result of coming from a generation of mothers who nearly all BF and having given birth to a generation of mothers who were encouraged not to.

They just don't like the word breast

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