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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

not to shout at or smack my children?

77 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 19/07/2013 22:47

My DC are 7 and 3 and i never feel the need to do the above. I see other parents shouting at their school age children and cannot understand why you would do that. They understand what you mean without any shouting. I have shouted and smacked in the past though, but as the DC get older I just do't get it

OP posts:

ArgyMargy · 19/07/2013 22:50

Bizarre post - you used to shout & smack but you don't now? Well hurrah for you. YABU

Turniptwirl · 19/07/2013 22:50

Depends how well behaved your DCs are. If they are nice, polite, well rounded young people then that's great. If they're monstrous brats who scream and shout and are violent the maybe you should rethink...

LegoAcupuncture · 19/07/2013 22:50

So basically you're saying its ok to shout and smack at them toddler age?

EarthtoMajorTom · 19/07/2013 22:50

YABU

notnowbernard · 19/07/2013 22:50

I have 9, 6 and 3 and I shout on a fairly frequent basis

Never had an urge to smack any of them though

I think it's the Not Listening Thing that tips me over the edge. My younger 2 are spectacularly good at ignoring me

MorrisZapp · 19/07/2013 22:51

What the

notnowbernard · 19/07/2013 22:51

Yes at what age did you whack them?!

LegoAcupuncture · 19/07/2013 22:52

NNB, I have very similar age gap with my DC. Some days all I feel I do is shout. It's he only way to be heard in some cases.

HarrietSchulenberg · 19/07/2013 22:52

I have to shout to make myself heard about the racket they make when they're fighting.
I tried the very quiet voice thing but they didn't ignore me, they just didn't actually hear me.

AnAirOfHope · 19/07/2013 22:52

I shout at my son who is 4 and he ignores me, I talk to my son he ignores me, I offer sweets and toys he will do anything.

My dd 1.5 yo I shout at her she will cry, I talk to her it works.

Diffrent children need different approches but you can never teach anything good thru pain or fear. Smacking is just wrong and is a negative release of the parents anger and does nothing for the child.

Sleep404 · 19/07/2013 22:53

I don't believe smacking works so I don't smack, but as for shouting, I'm only human and sometimes I lose my temper and shout. My kids are small though, dd is almost 5 and yes she occasionally deserves to be shouted at, especially when she hasn't heard my first 100 or so requests.

Original poster

FunnysInLaJardin · 19/07/2013 22:53

no not really. I am saying that as I've grown into being a parent I realise that I don't need to shout at them or smack them. As a result I am less stressed and I also don't understand why you would do either of those things to an older child. My DC seem to be fairly well behaved. Not really a bizarre post I don't think

OP posts:

WorkingtoohardMama · 19/07/2013 22:53

Congratulations!

Fakebook · 19/07/2013 22:53

. You've shouted and smacked babies and toddlers but not children?

Sorry, I'd rather shout and get listened to by my dd who has selective hearing. She knows I mean business when the voice gets louder.

You're a bit weird.

JennySense · 19/07/2013 22:54

I shout but have never smacked. Mine are 14 and 6 now.

Nerfmother · 19/07/2013 22:55

I win! I started off not shouting or smacking rather than growing into it.

FutTheShuckUp · 19/07/2013 22:55

Your gold medal and certificate for being smug are in the post.

Nerfmother · 19/07/2013 22:55

Actually that is a lie and I now regularly raise my voice. Never shouted at a baby though.

pianodoodle · 19/07/2013 22:56

If you've done it yourself in the past then you can't say you don't get it, surely?

Seems a bit hypocritical.

bimbabirba · 19/07/2013 22:56

I hate posts like this, in fact they infuriate me. Are you feeling clever or something?
Parents lose their temper right or wrongly because, guess what, they're human and children of any age can be a right pain in the arse but you're too good a parent OP that you were genuinely wondering, right.

Original poster

FunnysInLaJardin · 19/07/2013 22:57

It wasn't a conscious decision not to shout btw, I came from a very shouty household and found myself shouting quite a lot at first with DS1. I now don't shout because it stresses me out and the DC don't listen. Ref the telling a child 100 times I now only say things once and refuse to repeat myself. The 7yo has soon twigged that he needs perfect recall or else to listen the first time!

OP posts:

ElizabethHornswoggle · 19/07/2013 22:57

YABU. Bully for you. Bravo. Well done.

LegoAcupuncture · 19/07/2013 22:58

Still don't understand what you're asking, as you're going round in circles.

You're finding parenting easier no, so you've no need to shout or smack, yet you can't understand why people do it. Think you've either answered your own question or you're forgetting that you did it.

bimbabirba · 19/07/2013 22:59

Plus you used to shout at a baby. Stupid and immoral I say

Original poster

FunnysInLaJardin · 19/07/2013 23:00

oh dear, sorry about the raw nerves. Not meant to be smug at all, I just don't get shouting at all for older children. I lose my temper and get cross but just don't shout. More likely to speak in a low cross voice. I suppose because I did do it when my DC were younger and now find it too stressful and so don't, I don't quite understand why you would

OP posts:

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