I have tried for months not to post this question, but I can't help myself any longer!!!

[Enfyshedd]

AIBU to be getting fed up with DSS2 complaining that DD is "bullying" him?

For clarity's sake, DSS2 is 7yo, DD is nearly 14mo. Yes, 14 months.

DSS2 has a really annoying to me habit of sticking his face in hers all the time. I mean, less than 4 inches nose to nose close, then he complains that she pulls his hair, pinches his face or pushes him away. I tell him all the time to stop doing it because she will pull, pinch or push his face away when he does it.

He will take books that she's looking at out of her hands, then moan that she snatched the book off him (I'm talking about board & bath books bought specifically for DD). Another thing is him building towers with her stacking cups or mega blocks, then complaining that she keeps knocking them down/pulling them apart

He is currently lying across the sofa and complaining that DD is sitting on his head after he got on the sofa after her and slid himself down between the back of the sofa and DD (I'm acting as a barrier to stop DD's kamikaze dives off the sofa). This is for the second time in 20mins and on both occasions I've told DSS2 that he's the one who's put himself there and DP has told him to stop messing about and get off the sofa if he's going to scream "she's standing on my head!!!" when she was there to start with.

DSS2 was the only person in the house to complain that DD wouldn't bite him when she started teething (when she was happily gnawing on my nipples during BFing, DP's fingers and, inexplicably, DSS1's nose), and would try and shove his just been playing in the dirt outside and has to be reminded everytime to wash his hands after going to the toilet fingers in her mouth. Then when she obliged him by finally biting his finger (DP & I were distracted), he played merry hell for 2 bloody days about how much it hurt.

I'm fed up of the bloody whinging! She's a baby, he's 7yo and a big one who fits into 8 to 9 yo clothes at that, he should be capable of removing himself from or preventing these situations. He cries more than DD does FFS...

Sorry for making you poor souls who opened this thread read it, but it's really getting on my tits after months of this. Does anyone else have experience of an older sibling who will moan about a baby doing completly normal baby behaviour?

Yes, very unfair of them emilythornsbff

I know there is a bigger picture but siblings do niggle at each other and sometimes DS1 seems to engineer situations where there is conflict with DS2.

Look after your own well being too.

I wanted to suggest a book that I have found useful in dealing with my two
Calmer, Easier, Happier Parenting by Noel Janis-Norton
( sorry on phone so don't know how to link)
Someone mentioned it on another thread and it has given me some useful strategies for dealing with challenging behaviour in a positive way.

Other mums post more than once about their kids playing up or driving them nuts, they get a sympathetic ear and a shoulder to cry on, why is it different for a stepmum to do that?

Yes he will moan about her doing normal baby things- ime siblings do moan about each other, it's normal.

At 7 he may seem like a big boy, but 7 yo is not really that old. My 7 yo (has just turned8) swings wildly from quite adult, reasoned discussions to dragging out his dinosaurs to set up a battle. They are old enough to ave opinions and express them, but not old enough to express them eloquently or to have a huge amount of empathy. Children are very egocentric until well into being 8 or 9.

Perhaps he needs a special thing for big boys- can he go to a club or something that will encourage independence and give you some respite if he doesn't already?

I know it is hard to hold on to, but just because he is tall it doesn't make him older or more mature. He simply has longer legs! Expecting different behaviour from a taller child is unreasonable.

OP - I think you are in a difficult position and it sounds as though you do need to change things up to get the results you want as obviously this situation is getting to you (understandably so). I don't have an answer as such - there has been some good advice on this thread IMO - but it might help if you consider the position your step son is in. He now has two siblings who get to live with his parents full time - one with his mother and one with his father. He no longer has a family where he is top priority for everyone in the house, and whilst I can understand that the feelings step parents have for their own children are stronger than those they have for their step children, that must be hard for him. Children gain their security from knowing that their parents put them first whenever possible and from being able to be annoying and push boundaries without having to worry that they are damaging their relationships with their parents.
Knowing that both his father and his mother have both chosen to have another baby with their new partners must make him feel to some degree like he is missing out. He will never get what your daughter has: the security of living with both his parents. This doesn't excuse his behaviour, but it does explain why there is probably a bit more than the standard sibling rivalry between him and your daughter, and if you can keep this in mind when it comes to your dealings with him, it might help you to 'fake it'. Even imagining my son in this position makes me feel like giving him a big kiss, so maybe try imagining your daughter in his shoes and act accordingly if that helps you to act in a way that you don't feel like doing.
This has turned into a bit of a ramble, but I hope there is something useful in there as you are obviously trying hard and feeling like you're not getting anywhere which must be incredibly frustrating.

emilyeggs I fear your poking and projecting is likely to lead to bickering and a derailment of what has become quite a supportive thread.
I may be wrong. You might have said your last word on the matter.

Emily you may be right and that wasn't my intention (but obv let my feelings get the better of me) and I'm glad it has turned round. A little to late though as the op has said she left the thread as she was hoping for some more constructive feedback. It just makes me sad when someone is asking for help and gets the opposite. From the op you can tell she's already hesitant but asked for help. I guess people are entitled the thier opinions, however harsh they may seem to me. Right I'm off to try and go and get the 64 zoo lane song out of my head! Aaarrrggg! I fear I may fail