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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I say I mind DH Going and look/feel like a cunt!?

111 replies

dontgowadingin · 17/07/2013 23:01

Open to views, don't know if I'm bring selfish or he is...

We have a 9 week old baby and when I had her things went a bit tits up and ended up having emergency section and losing a lot of blood and had blood transfusion.

DH was promised two weeks of work so when I came home tried to rest. Was very tearful as there might have been issues with dc health (thankfully all is well ) and was really struggling breast feeding .

2 days in DH boss was on phone 'asking' him to come back, really important time ect... DH went back and I really struggled.

DH puts in long hours at work and his boss promises the earth but never really comes through with anything.

Now his boss wants to take him and two colleagues to Dubai as a thank u for his hard work.

I've seen my arse, but feel a bit cunty over it.

No trust issues what so ever, he is going away with friends and so am I next year.

I'm I just jelous or does he need to remember he has small angel here that needs him at the moment and me too!

If I'm not happy about it , he won't go.

OP posts:
mittensthekitten · 17/07/2013 23:03

Well, how long would they be gone for?

littleballerina · 17/07/2013 23:05

Ask him to stay!

Neither of you will get this time back and I think he may regret it and you may hold it against him.

You and your baby are the most important things at the moment. Dubai will be there in a few months.

aldiwhore · 17/07/2013 23:05

It's not the right time for him to go, it's the time where he's needed at home, the only thing that he could do other than that is work. It's just the wrong time.

TylerHopkins · 17/07/2013 23:06

I don't like the fact he wants to go to be honest. I don't think I would want to be away from my baby at that age.

cheerfulweather · 17/07/2013 23:08

It's not the best timing, or the most considerate reward, for somebody with a nine week old baby. If it was essential, important business travel then maybe...but this is not.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 17/07/2013 23:09

He shouldn't want to go, IMO.

Cityofgold · 17/07/2013 23:09

I totally understand why you feel the way you do but if he wants to go and provided it is a short break ie 5 days or less then I would try to be the 'bigger person' and let him go. And then use it for Brownie points in the future!

QuintessentialOldDear · 17/07/2013 23:10

His boss could thank him for his hard work by actually letting him the paternity leave he had booked off!

sanityawol · 17/07/2013 23:10

Does your DH actually want to go? Your OP says that the boss wants to take him, but you don't say how your DH feels about this.

Is it possible that your DH wants you to say no so that he has an 'out'?

Finney2 · 17/07/2013 23:11

I'd have absolutely no problem asking my H not to go.

He's got the rest of his life to swan off half way around the world. Right now, his wife and child need him. That's wha marriage, and parenting, is all about.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 17/07/2013 23:11

His boss sounds like an arse, to, TBH. To offer as a thankyou for something that took your DH away from his child, something else that takes him away from his child. I know bosses aren't philanthropists but ...... Arse.

Flojobunny · 17/07/2013 23:12

It has to be his decision not yours. He's a grown man.

Original poster
dontgowadingin · 17/07/2013 23:12

I have said all of the above and when I pointed out about leaving baby he agreed, I just feel really twatty.

Tbf I think I might of gone down the 'oh go if it that important then thrown it on his face when I needed a back up argument

OP posts:
Ohhelpohnoitsa · 17/07/2013 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 17/07/2013 23:15

Stop using female organs to put yourself down. It seems bizarre you'd rather store up resentment to use later than assert what you want. I say that in a kind way....

Ohhelpohnoitsa · 17/07/2013 23:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
dontgowadingin · 17/07/2013 23:16

sanity yep he wanted to go I could tell

jamie didn't see it like that but will use it for ammunition Grin

OP posts:
pictish · 17/07/2013 23:17

How long for?

diddl · 17/07/2013 23:22

Wants to take him for a holiday?

Couldn't your husband just ask for the days at home instead?

I suppose it is generous.

Although that said, Dubai doesn't appeal to me at all-I#d rather just mooch about at home.

No brainer if it would mean time with a new baby.

HooverFairy · 17/07/2013 23:23

I'm in agreement with the others, boss is an arse. He'd be better giving him 2 weeks off with full pay, to spend with his wife and child as an apology for interrupting paternity leave, rather than a fancy trip.

YANBU, but I'd talk to your husband - will it damage his work reputation if he turns it down?

MorrisZapp · 17/07/2013 23:27

No effing way. My DP didn't even get to play a round of golf for the first six months or so. A trip to Dubai? Is he serious? No, no, no.

fabergeegg · 17/07/2013 23:29

It depends on the dynamics of your set-up. But if you're not sure about it he should do the decent thing and not consider it. But to avoid resentment on his part, that will only work if he comes to that conclusion by himself...oh dear. What an idiotic boss.

TheCrackFox · 17/07/2013 23:30

Could your DP ask his boss to postpone the trip for 6 months?

mirai · 17/07/2013 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MortifiedAdams · 17/07/2013 23:36

Im.curious as to whether it was his boss asking him to go back early or he asking to go back early....and now he could go away on a jolly too....

How hands on is he day to day?