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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think some are so bloody mean about their parents?

106 replies

Tittypulumpcious · 17/07/2013 18:43

Not all parents are amazing, but they are all human! I am not talking about those who abuse their kids in many ways. I mean the run of the mill 'normal' parent who does what they feel is the best for their kids bring them up they in turn become adults their parents get older and then they slate their parents for talking too much, repeating themselves, being particular about things the list goes on.

Maybe I am sensitive because my mum has been ill for almost 10 years and I have missed out on so many mother daughter things, she might be my mum but she's a person first with her own issues and foibles.

I saw a woman today laughing with her friends because her mum was on the phone clearly boring her so she put her phone on the table until she thought she might have finished.

I'm sure everyone has a reason for doing/saying whatever but my guess is when their parent is no longer here those things that irritated them might be some of the things they miss. Just pisses me off when I see someone disrespecting someone they say they love in this way.

Rant over!

OP posts:
NewGirlInTown · 17/07/2013 18:45

I totally agree with you. Some of the things I read on here make me wince. I adored and respected both of my parents. I know how lucky I am.

Groovee · 17/07/2013 18:46

Well I popped into see my parents today and my alcoholic mother was pished as a fart and not even aware I was there.

chocoluvva · 17/07/2013 18:47

I sympathise. A friend was complaining about her mum a few months after my mum died.

I used to go on about how funny, witty and wise my mum was, often quoting her. She could be irritating of course, but I feel very lucky to have had her for a mum and I told her and other people too. So not everyone is ungrateful for their mum Smile

MadeOfStarDust · 17/07/2013 18:51

Some people have not experienced the horror that is a parent who does not show ANY respect for their adult child.

ClaraOswald · 17/07/2013 18:52

The only thing that is certain though, your own experiences are colouring your views.

What's not to say that had you had a "normal mother-daughter relationship" not marred by her ill health that you wouldn't be one of those people yourself?

Equally, do you never complain about your mother? I don't know anyone who doesn't have a moan about a parent/grandparent every now and then. If you don't you must be a saint. If you do, don't you think it's a bit off to be criticising anyone else?

thegreylady · 17/07/2013 18:53

Or indeed the adult child who shows no love or respect for his/her parents.

MadeOfStarDust · 17/07/2013 18:56

Or indeed the adult child who shows no love or respect for his/her parents.

some of us learn by the example shown to us over a lifetime of "nurture"

McFluffy · 17/07/2013 18:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lozzy21 · 17/07/2013 18:58

As someone who lost my own lovely mum 4 years ago,I too find it difficult to hear friends disrespecting their own mums & thinking to myself "you don't know how lucky you are to have her still with you'...

It's a tricky one because I know I was very lucky with mine...she was such a kind,loving woman who gave me support throughout but then,I know not everyone has this relationship!

Agree though that unless we're talking about child abuse,abandoment etc...your mum is still your mum & deserves your love & respect

Mapal · 17/07/2013 18:59

This irritates me. When my friend's mum died he said I should renew my relationship with my dad since I was lucky to still have him. But just because he's alive doesn't mean he's worth my attention. He's a waste of space and ruined my childhood, I'm not going to let him carry on ruining my life. I'm not lucky he's still alive, I'm unlucky that I NEVER had a proper dad.

morethanpotatoprints · 17/07/2013 19:00

This makes me mad too. I used to hate being at school gates and hearing a gp say their dc had told them off due to something they had done regarding their grandchildren when providing free childcare Shock.
I heard the parent complain about it next day and was so close to decking her.
My mum died years ago and before this we lived too far away. I never had free childcare and never said bad things about my mum or Dad. It is disgusting imo

LynetteScavo · 17/07/2013 19:00

My mum always made it very clear to me she is my parent, not my friend, and even to some extent a person.

She would never be upset in front of me, or even ill. (I have know her to be ill 3 times in 40 years.)

I have a different relationship with my DC.

TVTonight · 17/07/2013 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LynetteScavo · 17/07/2013 19:03

I don't' think I've ever said anything mean about my father. I've probably never said anything nice, though.

When he died, I felt nothing. Maybe some relief.

IslaValargeone · 17/07/2013 19:03

Bearing in mind the parent/child relationship is usually the fundamental lynchpin of a person's formative years and a 'normal' relationship is taken for granted;I don't think you can underestimate how tragic and soul destroying it can be if you haven't had that.
If I had the relationship where my mother bored me and I could laugh with my friends about putting the phone down, I'd feel quite fortunate tbh.
I have Groovee's mother issues amongst others.

Pawprint · 17/07/2013 19:05

I love my parents. They love me to bits and would (and have) do anything to me. That said, my dad has an explosive temper and my mum has racist views that make my blood boil. Both of them have been manipulative in the past. My mother thought nothing of slapping my face if I did anything to annoy her. I once accidentally knocked some bird seed over (God help anyone who messed up her perfectly pristine house) and I got a wallop across the face that set my ears ringing for days. She never showed remorse or apologised.

Looking back, I realise that both parents suffered severe depression. They were not perfect parents. I am not a perfect parent. I am lucky to have them but they are not always easy people.

ThisReallyIsNotSPNopeNotAtAll · 17/07/2013 19:05

I dont see a problem with people complaining about parents. Parents also complain about children.

i was complaining about my mum the other day after she rang me at 9 o'clock wanting me to talk her through using a new laptop she had got. She didn't even know how to turn it on yet expected me to know when she couldn't even tell me the make/model off it.

Nearly 2 hours I was on the phone about this stupid laptop and than in the end she says 'oh, I might as well wait til you come down'. I feel I had the right to complain to a friend about that!

NobodyPutsTomArcherInTheCorner · 17/07/2013 19:07

Yabu. Your own experience can't possibly be the same as everyone else's.

Tee2072 · 17/07/2013 19:09

Not all parents deserve respect, which needs to be earned, never mind love.

And they don't have to obvious abusers for that to be true.

My mom did not abuse me. I have very little respect for her though.

filee777 · 17/07/2013 19:13

My parents ignored a likely personality disorder (with diagnosis) and allowed me to be beaten senseless by my brother daily, ignoring it to the point that they buggered off to Las Vegas when I was 12 for 2 weeks leaving me alone with him. All because it didn't fit into their perfect ideals to have a messed up son and daughter.

Being a parent does not automatically make you brilliant.

NotYoMomma · 17/07/2013 19:43

I ADORE my mother but when sheis telling me I still need a cardigan in this weather or else I will 'catch the arthritis' then she deserves a huge eyeroll!

Nanny0gg · 17/07/2013 19:45

But the OP is talking about run-of-the-mill, 'normal' parents.
Not the abusing, neglectful ones.

She's talking about those small, unthinking comments, that if the parent heard, would probably upset them greatly.

Not some of the horrific attitudes some of you endured.

And I agree with her.

SaucyJack · 17/07/2013 19:55

Some people are boring on the phone to well beyond the point of rudeness tho. My mother included. I've put the phone down on her moaning plenty of times, never mind eye rolling.

And I don't feel guilty in the slightest.

SarahStrattonIsBackForJustABit · 17/07/2013 20:30

Meh, just be grateful you had the luxury of decent parents. I'd love to have parents who love me, and I could love back. Or parents who love my beloved daughters. Or even parents who actually wanted to babysit, or spend time with them

I don't. I have no respect, or love for them. How could I possibly respect or love someone who made it so obvious for all of my life that I wasn't someone worth bothering about. Particularly hurtful when you have a younger sister who has grow up to be a spoilt, aggressive, self obsessed nightmare because she was the be all and end all of the family.

Be happy for yourself, be grateful you have such a lovely parent. But don't judge those of us who have nothing good to say about their parents.

WandaDoff · 17/07/2013 20:37

I don't like it when people disrespect their parents or treat them badly.

Obviously, all situations are different, & I wouldn't interfere, but my parents are dead now & I wish they weren't.