to get annoyed when DH speaks like this to waitresses, air hostesses, call centre/marketing women in front of me

[sodeveryone]

Example of a recent phonecall about his mortgage of which I only heard one end:

WHere are you from? Let me guess from your accent?

You sound irish, I bet you're Irish

No it's a very nice, very beautiful combination of features - freckles, pale and your accent sounds northern Irish. Where are you based? Ah I love Belfast.

to the girl behind a bar in New York a few months ago:

You have amazing colouring where are you from?

Oh really? I guessed from the colour of your eyes, they're hazel right?

(she leans in close to his face and says "no they're green")

DH: Oh I get it now, green eyes, black hair, that's very rare

(Turns to me and affirms) That's very rare you know!

I don't like this at all. It's disrespectful to you and definitely disrespectful to the woman, who's probably already been pestered about her accent, etc, far too many times. Where a person is from, etc, is her own damned business, and even having an accent (let alone skin colour, FFS!) is no excuse for people to pester her for personal details.

Have a word with him. This has to stop.

OP I would say you need to namechange if you want to get an remotely objective responses about your H...

I'm with Maddy. Roll your eyes and apologise for him!!
Seriously - it isn't nice. It's pervy and wierd.

This is disgusting behaviour! He is using chat up lines when you are standing right next to him?! Aren't you worried what he does when you aren't there if he's happy to do that when you are? Where does he draw the line? Is it ok to get someone's number this way, maybe send some flirty texts...? He is acting like he's single and that would seriously worry me. He's also showing a complete lack of respect for you.

Oh and I haven't read the other thread so I'm just going on what's been said on this one.

the one who had to sit at breakfast with her BIL's prostitute for a week? What is going on with your dh and his brother OP? Was there something a bit odd about their upbringing? What was their dad like?

one of the benefits of having a Midlands accent no one says 'I love your voice it sounds like a combination of adenoids, clinical depression and a double figure IQ'

I think companies of this ilk should use us west midlanders, it would stop the ineptly Randy in their tracks.

op get your buffoon of a husband to write 'I am not and never will be Leslie Phillips.' on the black board 500 times.

one of the benefits of having a Midlands accent no one says 'I love your voice it sounds like a combination of adenoids, clinical depression and a double figure IQ'

My husband is a bit of a flirt flirt but he manages to do it in a non-sleazy way and uses it to help put people at ease. Yours just sounds sleazy and his comments sound too personal to be taken as light-hearted banter.

Why should I have to name change? We should all be capable of being objective. If someone isn't able to be then their response won't be up to scratch.

I don't find it lecherous I just find it more like a bad dad joke and I don't know where to put myself because it turns into a conversation between DH and the other woman rather than a conversation between DH and I!

Thank you for your responses.

I didn't say you have to name change. Just that you could if you don't want people to base their opinions of your H's behaviour on the fact that he spent part of his holiday with his brother and a prostitute.

You should watch the movie Hallpass.

You have a right to feel bothered by this. If you can tell him how you feel - go ahead! Then if he does it again in front of you; tell him that he came with you and then walk out. Make sure you leave him with the feeling that he is not sure where he stands with you anymore. Tough love is sometimes necessary.

If you can stop him doing it together women everywhere will appreciate it!

I seem to be the only one who isn't bothered by this?
I mean Op's dh does seem a bit of a pratt. But is it seriously offensive? er no? patronising? er no.

He seems a bit buffoonish. But complementing someone on their accent, (if you like irish accents) and their skintone,( if you like irish skintones )(which can be particularly beautiful, in a kind of haunting way - so this I TOTALLY agree with ), is hardly criminal, or really thta flirtatous.

So I can't quite get, why everyone is unanimous, that the OP's dh has committed crime of the century.

And no, my dh is not like this AT all. but I just CAN'T see the crime.

Does he do this to all women, or just those who can't really tell him to piss off as they are customer facing?

If you want to stop him, just join in, perhaps with a few mild insults thrown his way. The lady being subjected to this will probably be very grateful.

How can you NOT find it lecherous / sleazy though! It just is!

Yuck.

Oblomov, once or twice may be buffoonish, perhaps, but this is a habit, and women in customer service roles can't do anything about it, it's grim!

My ex used to do this except he would also ask what religion the Irish ones were. I used to cringe and he didn't last long.

(He is American and used to tell me that I was British and Uptight.)

This has bought back the cringing. We once looked at a house and he told the seller that he wanted a secluded garden so that we could shag in it, although I think he used the phrase, 'making love'.

CringeMcCringeworthy. He hasn't improved and he used to do it to members of my family. He had read too many books along the lines of, 'How to Make Friends and Influence People' and, 'Feel the Fear and do It Anyway'.

He was forever complimenting competent professionals on their appearance and I imagine that they just felt as it was part of the downside of the job.

op why do you think he does it?

YANBU, but I dont think he sounds like a perv or a creep or any of the other horrible things people have been calling him. I think he sounds quite charming actually. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't like my husband to do it in front of me.

Definitely ask him to stop.

I think half the people saying "oh yuk what a sleaze, leave him" would probably secretly enjoy it. Who doesn't like people being nice to them? Its not like he says "alright you old tart, how much?"

He thinks he's a charmer, she thinks he's a lech! I'm guessing.

I would feel very uncomfortable about this.

I haven't seen your first thread and don't know the history but I'd go one further here and asking your DH is trying to humiliate you by flirting in front of you.

It's disrespectful but are you sure he isn't doing it deliberately for your benefit?

This makes me miserable. I feel flat out dirty when strange men comment on my skin and hair.

I'm not a nice piece of fruit for you to admire, I'm a person! And no, I do not ;secretly enjoy it.' It's degrading when you're in a scenario that you can't do anything but smile and nod while some creep gazes at your body.

Being complimented on your appearance? Yes, I'll admit that puffs up my ego. Being perved on makes me feel dirty.

Who says he gazes at anyones body? And surely he was complimenting their appearance (beautiful)?

Where we used to live we had a friend whose husband would kiss us hello, offer us a drink, chat to us and be really friendly, we thought he was lovely and never thought he was flirting. I wish my husband was a bit more like that.

Might be different with a stranger though. Anyway I totally understand why you are uncomfortable with it OP and dont think YABU, but I dont think he is a bastard either